Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Pee panic

So, I was supposed to have than ultrasound today to determine if the pain in my gut was mere mittelschmerz or an EXPLODED CYST (I shit you not, check out the comments section for the next to last post). Ultrasound technology is still so far back in the freaking Dark Ages, that one is still required to fill one's bladder with 32 ounces of water an hour before the exam is scheduled to begin. I have had pelvic ultrasounds before, and though it was uncomfortable, I managed to complete the task without leaving a puddle anywhere.

But that was before I had 2 children and gained a shitload of weight. I was having trouble just getting to the car, and by the time I reached the radiology center I was feeling very grateful that I had thought to bring a spare pair of pants. Nevertheless, I continued to hold it through tightly clenched thighs and I waddled into the office and signed in.

I had hoped that when I got to the point of just sitting in the waiting room that the urgency would abate somewhat, but it just got worse and worse. The place was clearly a mill, one of those medical offices designed to take those who have the worst insurance. Large, old, sweaty people surrounded me and the walls echoed from all the people waiting, even though it was early in the day.

And then...I kinda lost it. My heart started pounding and I got all sweaty and shaky, and I just knew - knew - that I was going to piss all over myself and that I had to do whatever was necessary to prevent that from happening. I got up and ran/waddled out the exit, sure that there would be a restroom in the lobby. But there wasn't! I was too addle-brained from urine-poisoning to think, and I ran back into the office to look for something there, then ran out again when nothing was immediately apparent. Then, I ran/waddled back out to my car, figuring if I have to pee myself I can at least do it in the privacy of my own car.

I decided to start driving to the nearest place that looked like it would have an available toilet and ended up at Target. I have never been so grateful for a public bathroom in all my life. The bathroom at the Target on Crain Highway in Glen Burnie, Maryland is now a holy place. I plan to leave offerings there every week in remembrance of how it saved my life today.

Needless to say, there was no ultrasound. I didn't bother going back or calling to explain, and frankly they were probably relieved to have one less person to deal with. I may not know whether I had a blow-out on my ovary, but I still have on the same pants I put on when I got up this morning, and that's all that really matters.


floribunda said...

I know how you feel -- and it's impossible to "pee just a little" to relieve the pressure! I have had a couple of these ultrasounds and they always scold me for not drinking enough water, so I end up having to drink more once I get there. It takes more time but at least I don't explode in the process!

Linda said...

Poor, poor Megan! I hate the panic feeling! I actually hate going to a new doctor or a new clinic where I don't know where the bathrooms are--being oober heavy (some would say fat) and diabetic I often need the facilities in a hurry! You really do need to go back though--to a different doctor if you can't handle the "nurse practitioner"! Find out what's what and get it fixed! My poor daughter, 28, has always had problems with ongoing periods (sometimes for a month or more at a time) etc. She finally got scraped out and it helped for a while. It's starting to happen again so she's back on the pill (which makes her sick to her stomach) before she goes back to the doctor. I'm so happy I'm "beyond" all that! At least the practitioner didn't tell you it was because you were fat--which both my daughter and I have been told! Hang in there! Get better soon.
Lurking Linda
p.s. congrats Assistant Editor!!!

Alycia said...

okay - New Doctor, and one that can do the ultrasound right there in there office! poor girl!

Linda said...

REad your post about mittelschmerz... I really do hope you find out what is the matter soon! I also really do hope you can find a competent dr and a shorter waiting line!

Diane said...

I agree with floribunda. Drink some but not enough to make you feel like you are losing it. If it isnt enough they will have yu drink more there...and you can ask where the bathroom is by then. Good luck with this. I know it was a terrible time for me when I went through it.

Lynn E said...

Well good for you. You didn't do the peepee dance in the waiting room only to be dancing in a puddle. Been there. I have also managed to make a puddle as soon as they put that darn thing on my stomach just a touch to much pressure and you know ya can't stop once started.