tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87690481738094842252024-02-07T20:04:46.054-05:00The Bitchy StitcherMeganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04848601503102752338noreply@blogger.comBlogger521125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8769048173809484225.post-45794306279538621312021-03-15T12:43:00.003-04:002021-03-15T12:45:10.361-04:00Quilting Isn't Funny Sew Sweetness Book Club<p> Hi, y'all!</p><p>It's little old me crawling out from under my giant rock to wave hello and say that if you are looking for a PDF download of my first book, Quilting Isn't Funny, for the Sew Sweetness book club, you can find that in my Etsy shop <a href="https://www.etsy.com/listing/206857357/pdf-download-quilting-isnt-funny-a?ref=shop_home_active_2&crt=1">here</a>. If you prefer a Kindle copy, you can find that on Amazon <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Quilting-Isnt-Funny-Collection-Threadful-ebook/dp/B00GLFUBS4/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=quilting+isn%27t+funny&qid=1615826691&sr=8-1">here</a>. </p><p>Happy reading! Back to my rock!</p>Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04848601503102752338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8769048173809484225.post-41830628986738824502018-07-31T06:29:00.002-04:002023-03-26T11:20:50.862-04:00It ends, and begins againOn July 21, 2008, I wrote my first blog post as The Bitchy Stitcher and titled it "It Begins." For the next ten years I chronicled my attempts to learn how to sew, my constant desire to lose 50 pounds, my struggles as a mom of young children, my work as an editor and writer, my marriage, my hopes and fears and random thoughts—and I did it all with my tongue in my cheek and a frequently filthy vocabulary.<br />
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Blogging is an amazing thing for a wanna-be writer. I started under the blissful cover of relative anonymity, and this gave me freedom. I was free to use my own voice in a way I could never hope to do writing articles about bidet installation businesses for local magazines, and there was something so much more real about putting that voice out into the world where someone might actually read it than just keeping it hidden in a private journal. I listed my blog on a couple sites for quilters, and began to grow an audience from there. Though I always got a few "shame on your potty mouth" comments and the occasional "I'm not sure if you're kidding about setting that quilt on fire but just in case maybe don't because you could burn down your house" comment, for the most part people seemed to truly appreciate a quilting blog that wasn't based in the world of ample natural lighting, floors that never need vacuuming, children with clean faces and adorable clothes, and homes out of Architectural Digest. I was a fat, stay-at-home mom with a toddler who threw incessant tantrums living in a rented duplex that was (and is) constantly too dark for decent photography. But I was honest about it—and I had a sense of humor about it, and I think it's safe to say the quilt blogging world had not quite seen anything like me at that point.<br />
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My audience grew pretty quickly after I started writing for <i>Quilter's Home</i>—and my anonymity went out the window. And by "anonymity," I don't mean that I ever really kept my identity a secret—I just didn't tell anybody I actually knew or was acquainted with about my blog. I love having an audience; I would just prefer it if my audience didn't pick up the phone the next day and try to do an intervention because I joked about setting my quilt on fire.<br />
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Though I always wanted to grow my audience more, I never had the stomach for self-promotion that other quilt bloggers have. I know that I'm something of an acquired taste, or you kinda need to be pre-disposed to my style of humor, so I never wanted to do the big promotions that would draw people in with the promise of free stuff. I liked keeping my people a small, self-selected group of fellow weirdos. Keeps the riff-raff out.<br />
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But the blog archive in the right-hand column of this site tells a story.<br />
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The numbers in parentheses are how many posts I published in that year. There was definitely a downturn after I started writing regularly for <i>Quilter's Home</i>, and again when I joined <i>Generation Q</i>. But the biggest drop happened in 2015, when I went from 44 posts the previous year to 16.</div>
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In January of 2013, I lost my brother to cancer. In December of that same year, I lost my mom. In 2014, I had a disastrous attendance at Quilt Market that caused a huge shift in my perception of and relationship with the quilting industry, but I still chugged along. In fact, it was in 2014 that I wrote the blog post that set massive records for views, shares, and comments: Behind the Bolts, which was about why shopping at JoAnn fabrics is so frustrating (long story short: corporate policy). And it wasn't funny!</div>
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But then in 2015 I had the first of three abdominal surgeries that basically filled my existence with pain and sickness. I also developed frozen shoulder, an extremely painful condition that lasted for almost two years and is now trying to get going in my other shoulder. I was constantly in pain, allergic to narcotics so unable to get even a smidge of relief except what I could get from ibuprofen, and wondering every day if this was my new normal. In 2017, I had surgery to fix the second surgery that was done badly, and I was mentally prepared for more pain, but not for the infection that put me back in the hospital and kept me sick and weakened for several weeks. It was never life-threatening, but there was a specter of further, more difficult surgeries that could result if the infection spread. I was put on strong antibiotics that made me ill and dehydrated, and eventually the source of the infection was found and they installed an utterly horrifying drain. Never have a plastic tube coming out of your abdomen with infected liquid dripping out of it that you have to collect and measure and describe if you can possibly help it. The drain and another antibiotic finally did the trick, and by mid-summer I was mostly recovered, with no residual pain. Physical pain, anyway. But it all took a toll—the surgeries, the shoulder, the deaths—and though I was better, I often felt like a different person than the one I had been four years before.</div>
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When I realized I had made it all the way to the end of 2017 with only marginal and easily handled (so far!) shoulder pain, I thought that maybe I could make 2018 the Year of Blog Revitalization. I even made a public commitment to the cause, using my handy dandy magical thinking to try and make it happen just by declaring it so. But I caught another curve ball, one I never saw coming.</div>
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In February, my amazing, wonderful, smart, funny oldest child texted me from the bus on the way home from middle school while I sat in the car line awaiting to pick up my youngest from elementary school. The text read, "Mom, I think I'm transgender."</div>
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I don't know how to explain the swirl of emotions that come from receiving a text like that, and I suppose for every parent who goes through it the swirl is different, but the best I can do is say it was a mixture of fierce love with abject terror. But I made damn sure that my kid only saw the fierce love. Knowing from our extensive research that affirmation gives kids the best chance at a happy and healthy life, we found a wonderful therapist who specializes in transgender issues and started attending a support group, and in June, on the first moment of summer vacation, we greeted the child we once thought was a daughter as our son, Miles.</div>
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That doesn't even begin to touch on the process that led us to that point, but I can assure you it is, for a parent, all-consuming—psychologically at least. And we are one of the lucky families. So many kids have unsupportive or skeptical parents, live in communities that have open anti-trans sentiment, and as a result there are many kids who are suffering with depression, self-harm, and suicidal ideation and attempts. We have always been openly and vocally pro-LGBTQ+, and are lucky to live in an area that, though it skews conservative, is actually very socially liberal. All of Miles' friends, every single one, has accepted and embraced him. All our neighbors and friends and family have done the same. We have had no issues with school or doctors, and there is a trans-focused health clinic nearby that takes our insurance. The therapist told us that on the whole we have a very happy, mature, and well-adjusted kid, and often tells us she wishes all the parents of kids she sees were like us. </div>
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And this is <i>still</i> the hardest thing my family and I ever been through. </div>
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So, I girded my loins back in May and finished my <a href="https://clevernotions.bigcartel.com/product/short-sharp-and-snippy-signed-paperback-us-shipping" target="_blank">second book</a>. And then, after I got all the pre-orders signed and shipped, I sat down and asked myself, "What do you want?" </div>
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A few things were clear. Do I still want to write? Hell, yes. Do I still want to make people laugh? Abso-fucking-lutely. Do I want to try in some way to be an advocate or ally for trans kids? Damn right I do.</div>
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A lot was—and is—unclear. Do I want to combine all those things? Hmmm, not sure about that. Do I want to reach kids or parents? Yeah, I don't know. Do I maybe just want to try and fundraise for organizations that do this far better than I ever can? Mmmm, quite possibly. Do I want to blog again, or just write novels? Ask again later. It's still cloudy over there. </div>
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But I can tell you this. I do have a <a href="https://thebitchystitcher.blogspot.com/2013/03/meet-caleb-and-theresa.html" target="_blank">novel to finish</a>, and if you haven't already run away over my kid (and if you have, buh-bye), I'd love for you to read it when I do. I want to write more of them someday. I think, with practice, I could be good at it. </div>
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But I don't want to be The Bitchy Stitcher anymore.<br />
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I have loved this blog, and all of you, so very, very much. Quilting and sewing will always be my happy place, my meditation, my refuge. I am so proud of the things I have accomplished over the last 10 years, but 10 years just seems like a good, round number to end on and move to the next phase of my life. Next year, I will be fifty. I've recently seen articles saying a study has shown age 50 is when the happiest time of a person's life begins. I very much hope that's true and there are happier times ahead for me and mine. And I'm just gonna say it: if this administration stays in power, that may not be possible for us. So, I need to figure out how to exist in this world as it is, as it might become, and how to fight for something better and protect my babies at the same time. I'm not yet sure what that looks like, but a quilting humor blog isn't it.<br />
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Thank you all for the laughs, the love, for reading my words and embracing me and giving me some of the most wonderful experiences of my life. I love you all, and I hope we meet again someday.<br />
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<br />Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04848601503102752338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8769048173809484225.post-19779101491519244822018-07-24T05:00:00.000-04:002018-07-25T09:47:51.227-04:0010 Years of The Bitchy Stitcher: Quilting<div style="text-align: center;">
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This represents the best—or at least the most interesting—of my quilted output between now and 2011. That was when I first had a good way to hang quilts for photographing, and so the 10 or so quilts I made before that have only partial, dark photos. They also mostly suck, which was why I had so much fodder for this blog in those early years</div>
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The Cutter Wheel, 2017</div>
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Machine appliqué mini quilt, my design.</div>
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Be Seeing You, 2017</div>
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Machine appliqué mini quilt, my design.</div>
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Type It Out, 2017</div>
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Broderie perse appliqué with fabric marker mini quilt. My design.</div>
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Billy Rose's Aquacade, 2017</div>
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Broderie perse appliqué mini quilt, my design. </div>
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The Sea of Serpents, 2017</div>
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Fusible appliqué, my own design. Longarm quilting by <a href="https://www.instagram.com/longarmyogigal/" target="_blank">Amy Helton</a></div>
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Flipping the Bird, 2017</div>
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Broderie perse appliqué, my design.</div>
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Mandala #1, 2016</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnNidB-_OJEHf5UZpm9DurguiHU-EyJ7ENz4IFkkDBGEX4kgZE9JroDxxPSnFMo0HnX2vXuCX1aMJrhCjs2wug7HZTi9r9KTgv5qA6ekwuGY_D_f8t-nzXLD0Kc9Oy1kzGoL-CKZ8jtDE/s1600/IMG_8014.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnNidB-_OJEHf5UZpm9DurguiHU-EyJ7ENz4IFkkDBGEX4kgZE9JroDxxPSnFMo0HnX2vXuCX1aMJrhCjs2wug7HZTi9r9KTgv5qA6ekwuGY_D_f8t-nzXLD0Kc9Oy1kzGoL-CKZ8jtDE/s640/IMG_8014.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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Broderie perse appliqué mini quilt. My design.</div>
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Use Your Glutes</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW9jxCjcCY48lF-_PE8JtJlbymqR3G0swVvxI8-9zoQ9TbRcWDU3LgI2QRI7RVkrflQ-nVCHWVgI0eFdq9jvXmKiaEJ1RT57EiyYFLtfSYub33ouEFqFUlUAWy-UnQ8OPqVtedBO4ZFWU/s1600/FullSizeRender+37.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW9jxCjcCY48lF-_PE8JtJlbymqR3G0swVvxI8-9zoQ9TbRcWDU3LgI2QRI7RVkrflQ-nVCHWVgI0eFdq9jvXmKiaEJ1RT57EiyYFLtfSYub33ouEFqFUlUAWy-UnQ8OPqVtedBO4ZFWU/s640/FullSizeRender+37.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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Mini quilt, using our family motto for "try hard and believe in yourself." My design.</div>
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You Got This, 2016</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyOO0K2j15ooEfqJIZoD7xR2cR8bFrY7RdmRkQeQO3eRMaT7hlbYJONFx990wNNbfUiFWJ07sPNUyMFIDJzFY9UK7gk1Tw2melPhsXnyVuBbvH0mYxSNbJRcpPKxoCrsy6aCl9GbvNcjI/s1600/IMG_7907.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyOO0K2j15ooEfqJIZoD7xR2cR8bFrY7RdmRkQeQO3eRMaT7hlbYJONFx990wNNbfUiFWJ07sPNUyMFIDJzFY9UK7gk1Tw2melPhsXnyVuBbvH0mYxSNbJRcpPKxoCrsy6aCl9GbvNcjI/s640/IMG_7907.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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Machine appliqué mini quilt, my design.</div>
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A Weird and Wonderful Thing - 2016</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVkOieu437baUwbJHR_R3RATWQqg1fvnsMqc8yHt7bgN78_AzW-6SFbIjfN8bA7BjyrV6_gGkBo5CYRpPw1EUd64WIymR4tl2-SJmbhvkNS4xY2FEDuH-duqUpNVukLkPx_OHGsY00iKA/s1600/FullSizeRender+10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVkOieu437baUwbJHR_R3RATWQqg1fvnsMqc8yHt7bgN78_AzW-6SFbIjfN8bA7BjyrV6_gGkBo5CYRpPw1EUd64WIymR4tl2-SJmbhvkNS4xY2FEDuH-duqUpNVukLkPx_OHGsY00iKA/s640/FullSizeRender+10.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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A mini-quilt of my own design using broderie perse appliqué.<br />
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So Long, Suckers! 2016</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2L1M4x-vSKKy3tC1OiOSKR9w9QXHGs7fPPDChomGgBXt3JPaCEJbDpj00guLf9b5ZymC7tA60xPDRbgq5vHYFVReLWLPU58gs0rLa0hyphenhyphenedAe9RC78Qd3pxKVsp8Rbs8MoGdpPHxTJ2hA/s1600/IMG_7552.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2L1M4x-vSKKy3tC1OiOSKR9w9QXHGs7fPPDChomGgBXt3JPaCEJbDpj00guLf9b5ZymC7tA60xPDRbgq5vHYFVReLWLPU58gs0rLa0hyphenhyphenedAe9RC78Qd3pxKVsp8Rbs8MoGdpPHxTJ2hA/s640/IMG_7552.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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Made from Up and Away mini quilt pattern by <a href="http://www.wholecirclestudio.com/">Whole Circle Studio</a> (octopus is my own addition). Paper piecing, appliqué, trapunto, free motion quilting, hand quilting, and embroidery.</div>
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Runway - 2015<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCBcQEPVpKgvCjiY-kQLZYgpC2Ho7tUaNbAyPOIcLywmdvqzAXZHa7lSoedbAbh-SclKCxZWqxUGeu3c4mPWlAmDNGX2yaW_d8hBkMotLZJkQxxkEipcs_-ge951AdL8CTFT8Lp-yAmuw/s1600/IMG_4611v2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="628" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCBcQEPVpKgvCjiY-kQLZYgpC2Ho7tUaNbAyPOIcLywmdvqzAXZHa7lSoedbAbh-SclKCxZWqxUGeu3c4mPWlAmDNGX2yaW_d8hBkMotLZJkQxxkEipcs_-ge951AdL8CTFT8Lp-yAmuw/s640/IMG_4611v2.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
My design, pattern available as a PDF <a href="http://clevernotions.bigcartel.com/" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
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Wildflower Park - 2015<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdIQS2YaEmCYAOi2HTsCUj6_gTn_Ovn5ndSi5PeUL7EETrIOUNJIAf_MNmsplfH1UuhfW4EB1rOpVjtrTmTGbr1jQIdTpEmD0FiKTcqPrgKWjWXmHkMJ4QvCkO7cLXT-XbW3_ot7ozuQQ/s1600/wildflower_clipped2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdIQS2YaEmCYAOi2HTsCUj6_gTn_Ovn5ndSi5PeUL7EETrIOUNJIAf_MNmsplfH1UuhfW4EB1rOpVjtrTmTGbr1jQIdTpEmD0FiKTcqPrgKWjWXmHkMJ4QvCkO7cLXT-XbW3_ot7ozuQQ/s640/wildflower_clipped2.jpg" width="514" /></a></div>
My design, pattern available as a PDF <a href="http://clevernotions.bigcartel.com/" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
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Daryl - 2015<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8BfK3lDJYGzlzx5XHKwvGrzTyHGr8RiTqrtgugNg0KgilRJ8oA1-gutd8ko2RywDwmT1N-BaUdyI8Ld6sM8RyCvS-cw0anfYoj20g_PyY2pPsbgeMzUcbzNP4Kq4uFPUK31LTKM9LTjI/s1600/IMG_4121.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8BfK3lDJYGzlzx5XHKwvGrzTyHGr8RiTqrtgugNg0KgilRJ8oA1-gutd8ko2RywDwmT1N-BaUdyI8Ld6sM8RyCvS-cw0anfYoj20g_PyY2pPsbgeMzUcbzNP4Kq4uFPUK31LTKM9LTjI/s640/IMG_4121.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
My design, pattern available as a PDF <a href="http://clevernotions.bigcartel.com/" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
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I'm A Tula Fan - 2014</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWIbpGXowURRPgUe2zZA1JC8MBGioCkRdAkLp08FRMtiCewIwUaQv7lTAAUcwWK9URp5nzuKzC3zAUrVon03BWZWWIQ8nJMeobmLxCmOHgQjuLrbnabFDNGngfMjMK4rE2fWgPbknr15E/s1600/IMGP9943.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWIbpGXowURRPgUe2zZA1JC8MBGioCkRdAkLp08FRMtiCewIwUaQv7lTAAUcwWK9URp5nzuKzC3zAUrVon03BWZWWIQ8nJMeobmLxCmOHgQjuLrbnabFDNGngfMjMK4rE2fWgPbknr15E/s1600/IMGP9943.jpg" width="630" /></a></div>
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My design, based upon traditional dresden plate patterns. Uses all Tula Pink fabric, and all dresden plates are hand appliquéd. Machine quilting by <a href="http://www.karleeporter.com/" target="_blank">Karlee Porter.</a></div>
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Breaking the Waves - 2013</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmQI743VUUVYEl0Z4rEOpo9Nw78XRL24EbWGrh8Kx4_S0hf0ux_UHseLkRzPVWfrnZQ6kMSSuYAEU3AmHnfUPYf7R_2Cxi88AltXcwilJe3eSCR33aq-pyL7xasc-aNi0azZ5g6jGAgvI/s1600/breakingthewaves_flat2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmQI743VUUVYEl0Z4rEOpo9Nw78XRL24EbWGrh8Kx4_S0hf0ux_UHseLkRzPVWfrnZQ6kMSSuYAEU3AmHnfUPYf7R_2Cxi88AltXcwilJe3eSCR33aq-pyL7xasc-aNi0azZ5g6jGAgvI/s1600/breakingthewaves_flat2.jpg" style="cursor: move;" width="630" /></a></div>
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My design, pieced by me and machine quilted by Lisa Sipes. Appears on the cover of the January/February 2015 issue of <i>Generation Q</i> Magazine.</div>
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Alcide Herveaux - 2013</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHklfV9LaVeSukKbwH2QjW1q8YVbmz91Tb43gH_5nphkBWFNklhgCmhbzcOLL0qPQVgosR4tHv9C6JHT23O9x-4j0iav2ZYfpIUg7QBYWGY-h8TBJKhTPqn6R1wcz0cnBjtFw2mn4KyzY/s1600/alcide_clipped.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="638" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHklfV9LaVeSukKbwH2QjW1q8YVbmz91Tb43gH_5nphkBWFNklhgCmhbzcOLL0qPQVgosR4tHv9C6JHT23O9x-4j0iav2ZYfpIUg7QBYWGY-h8TBJKhTPqn6R1wcz0cnBjtFw2mn4KyzY/s1600/alcide_clipped.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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Original design. Tutorial can be found <a href="http://thebitchystitcher.blogspot.com/2013/09/alcide-herveaux-quilt-tutorial.html" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
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UFO Lights - 2013</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5vgniAcUK7Kty3z4aNb1g_4ftM9jMPflOpyPv2latALrENGNCCLyJZfXbO-PmZrMmjWKL9iXvdFvmgDyIUxyr7xAs6oUwKlZTZQYICrQ6LzobCzackxq86WaxequBEyPKkSuHL8u6u0Q/s1600/ufolights_full.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5vgniAcUK7Kty3z4aNb1g_4ftM9jMPflOpyPv2latALrENGNCCLyJZfXbO-PmZrMmjWKL9iXvdFvmgDyIUxyr7xAs6oUwKlZTZQYICrQ6LzobCzackxq86WaxequBEyPKkSuHL8u6u0Q/s1600/ufolights_full.jpg" width="626" /></a></div>
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Original design. A bit of an experiment in both design and free motion quilting.<br />
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Sew It Like You Stole It - 2013</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivB66F-KgAherIHvRE6oqJcSNqMI4D7ah8KSZsdGxIkQ1s9S_I6ZBYwaj_GwTYlJEwg3uH76MGtuj_zFyRTw8-8G384-sGtdmwoxIhygV0Fj3XRv1k5qejyUq7Or9zVV8NFC9Hi87z8oU/s1600/sewit.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivB66F-KgAherIHvRE6oqJcSNqMI4D7ah8KSZsdGxIkQ1s9S_I6ZBYwaj_GwTYlJEwg3uH76MGtuj_zFyRTw8-8G384-sGtdmwoxIhygV0Fj3XRv1k5qejyUq7Or9zVV8NFC9Hi87z8oU/s1600/sewit.jpg" width="540" /></a></div>
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Made using Sam Hunter's letter patterns from her book Quilt Talk and published in that book as part of a gallery of examples in 2014. Sewing machine is my design and is appliquéd and embroidered. Machine quilting by Lisa Sipes.<br />
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Boho Mock Cathedral Window - 2012</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLJPyeJO02SrV3BQLAtFwSGTQQ2pglkJFtUnqGAGgtNdSLxWuckf34hddj30R-Bu3JelpEdSeU-FDK3xmS_v_MBLh0xizixfx2GJsE4-r-tYiZg5xXRYTOLS0_Z-5cv8XI1RYRAS82OsU/s1600/IMGP4647_2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLJPyeJO02SrV3BQLAtFwSGTQQ2pglkJFtUnqGAGgtNdSLxWuckf34hddj30R-Bu3JelpEdSeU-FDK3xmS_v_MBLh0xizixfx2GJsE4-r-tYiZg5xXRYTOLS0_Z-5cv8XI1RYRAS82OsU/s1600/IMGP4647_2.JPG" width="634" /></a></div>
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I combined a couple Anna Maria Horner lines with a Joel Dewberry collection and used a mock cathedral window method I found <a href="http://www.modabakeshop.com/2011/11/cathedral-window-baby-playmat.html" target="_blank">here</a>.</div>
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Unnamed baby quilt - 2011</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOl1dYjksZZhSamPxSyyHxLv_bpAq7dNpgIIBagdvrbiy91UPafLNNYsA8owvJQ-rew_W5JYun31L3MrIIZYCW-9cPfkqOmnxcYCBFv1UXwEhDHM5yVfBt7XEVjPzpOAH9DYXzjxaojxk/s1600/laurasquilt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOl1dYjksZZhSamPxSyyHxLv_bpAq7dNpgIIBagdvrbiy91UPafLNNYsA8owvJQ-rew_W5JYun31L3MrIIZYCW-9cPfkqOmnxcYCBFv1UXwEhDHM5yVfBt7XEVjPzpOAH9DYXzjxaojxk/s1600/laurasquilt.jpg" width="630" /></a></div>
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This was a free pattern from Kate Spain for Moda using her <i>Terrain</i> collection. (Pattern can be found <a href="http://www.unitednotions.com/fp_terrain.pdf" target="_blank">here</a>.) FMQ by little old me.<br />
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George Jr. - 2011</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFI-Jt45V9snsmex4VRBRwoy34dDBBoZxef9dEryOgovvUHWpmgV9-sGI2fIeYfWPTet_FHP3sF2LYgTQVY5JWEnXcnNuAp8FRz1coqZT1QDINqLQzbMym4qF0CHvE3ipfSSAPd8nPwec/s1600/georgejr.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="572" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFI-Jt45V9snsmex4VRBRwoy34dDBBoZxef9dEryOgovvUHWpmgV9-sGI2fIeYfWPTet_FHP3sF2LYgTQVY5JWEnXcnNuAp8FRz1coqZT1QDINqLQzbMym4qF0CHvE3ipfSSAPd8nPwec/s1600/georgejr.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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That's 676 half-square triangles. Though it's a traditional arrangement, it was my first attempt to make a quilt without a pattern. I named it George Jr because I thought it was so gorgeous it looked like George Clooney and a stack of Hoffman batiks made sweet, sweet love and had a baby. It was quilted by <a href="http://sunporchquilts.com/" target="_blank">Kelly Cunningham</a>. </div>
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The PTB Quilt - 2011</div>
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Pattern is <a href="http://quiltville.blogspot.com/2005/06/boxy-stars.html" target="_blank">Boxy Stars by Bonnie Hunter</a>. When my brother was diagnosed with brain cancer in 2010, one of my readers gifted me a plane ticket so I could go see him when I couldn't afford to. This is the quilt I made for her in return. It was quilted by <a href="http://thatcrazyquiltygirl.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Lisa Sipes</a>. </div>
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Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04848601503102752338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8769048173809484225.post-32092595830370107542018-07-17T05:00:00.000-04:002018-07-17T05:00:02.445-04:0010 Years of The Bitchy Stitcher: MagazinesIn the years before, and at the beginning of, my foray into quilting I worked as an assistant editor and writer for two local publications, both now defunct: <i>Inside Annapolis</i> and <i>Taste of the Bay</i>. For the first magazine, I managed to sneak in a wee bit of humor now and then, but never in the second as the publisher/editor-in-chief actually had no sense of humor at all. Also, it was a publication that existed solely to serve advertisers, as our articles were actually purchased ads, and no one wants jokes in an article that they paid an exorbitant amount of money for about their tree trimming business. Never mind that I could brainstorm tree trimming puns ALL DAY. After too many jokes got pruned, I had to branch out and leave.<br />
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I had been blogging here for roughly a year when one of my 2 or 3 readers alerted me to an article in an issue of <i>Quilter's Home</i> magazine, wherein the founder/editor Mark Lipinski talked about submitting writing to magazines, including his own. So, thinking what the hell, I submitted my "How to Bind a Quilt" blog post, and it was accepted. For all I know now, it probably wasn't actually Mark who read and accepted it, but more likely one of the women who eventually became editors-in-chief there (Jake Finch and Melissa Thompson Maher), because there was a major blow-up at the publication shortly thereafter and Lipinski left.<br />
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That piece never went in because it had been "previously published" on the blog, which I still say does not even remotely count because literally no one was reading me back then, but rules are rules. As it turned out, this forced me to write something new, since they still wanted to publish something of mine, and I ended up writing three. I said, here—pick one. They picked all three. And so my first published piece as a quilt humorist appeared in the October/November 2009 issue of <i>Quilter's Home</i>: "Zen and the Art of Crappy Quilting."<br />
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The upheaval at the magazine at this time can be seen several places. My name is wrong in the intro (Smith is my legal name, Dougherty my pen name), I've never been a member of anything called a Pickle Posse because good grief, and the article description in the table of contents is for something from a previous issue. But I didn't care. I was in print. I was funny in print. Somebody somewhere read something I wrote, and wanted to publish it. Except for, you know, marriage and birth of children and all that, this was—hands down—the best thing that has ever happened to me.<br />
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Jake and Melissa asked me to be a regular columnist, and eventually my column was called "In the Ditch." I had a humor piece in 12 consecutive issues, the last in August/September 2011. By that time, I was also writing an uncredited column on sewing related collectibles (my piece on antique spool cabinets is notable for it's repeated use of the phrase "sausage tongs") as well as other feature articles, such as one about thread sketching and one about quilters who live off the grid.<br />
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I was pretty sure I would not be able to come up with enough topics to fill a continuous humor column. I was also pretty sure that I could not write them at 1000+ words as they eventually asked me to do. No quilting humor premise can survive that many words, I said. They said, Oh, we think you can. They were right.<br />
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When QH was shut down by parent company F&W Media (they're good at that), Jake and Melissa were ready with a plan to start a new magazine, with the same sensibility as QH but aimed more squarely at a modern market. They planned to call it <i>Generation Q</i> and asked if I would help. I said, oh, hell yes.<br />
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Jake got someone to do the initial build of the website, but after that I was basically the webmistress as I had the most experience dealing with such things (next to none, but that's technically more than none, so...). We had an absolutely grueling goal to publish new content every single day. On top of that, the eventual goal was to go into print, and almost everyone had day jobs, so there were a lot of late nights. But with a few minor exceptions, we did manage daily content for several months until the print side was up and running.<br />
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As we were setting up the website, we needed a logo. I casually mentioned my limited and self-taught experience with such things, and from that point on, I became the art director. I designed the logo, and the banner for the website, and web buttons for people to share on their sites. I still assumed that Jake had someone up her sleeve who would do design and layout for the actual print publication, because I had never done an entire magazine before. A book, yes, a <i>single</i> book, but a magazine? Different ballgame altogether and there was no possible way I could do that. It would require so much more knowledge and skill than I could ever possibly hope to acquire in the timeframe we were looking at.<br />
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And Jake and Melissa said, yes, you can. You can absolutely do this.<br />
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Now, they <i>needed</i> me to do this. I was willing to work for nothing, and as a stay-at-home mom, I had the time (technically). They could not afford a professional. It was in the magazine's best interest to convince me to do it. But what if I failed? This haunted me all day every day. I cried on my husband's shoulder about it endlessly. I was going to fail these people who had given me a start as a humor writer—my dream—and we would end up with an embarrassment of a publication and get laughed out of the quilting industry. And I honestly even now don't necessarily think I was being over-dramatic. Had I been in charge, I would never have given that task over to someone with as little actual experience and training as I had.<br />
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So, while getting published as a humor columnist for the first time was the best thing that ever happened to me (besides kids and husband, blah, blah, blah), being handed an entire magazine to design and layout was probably the most valuable thing that ever happened to me.<br />
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It's one thing to hear, "you can do anything you set your mind to." It's another to actually do it. I acquired the Adobe Creative Suite, got some books on how to use them, and set to work. If you pick up any magazine and flip through it, you see that it has a "look and feel" that runs throughout the publication, which, if done right, is uniquely its own. There are elements that need to be consistent, and others that can display more creativity and flights of fancy. You need a readable font, consistent and readable leading. Are you going to do one column, or two, or three? Where do the page numbers go? The choices you have to make are not just aesthetic, they're also logistical. You're creating a template that will be reused but that template needs to be flexible, because you never know what will throw things off in the next issue: more ads, fewer ads, a sudden change in the subject or scope of planned content. In many pieces, such as poll results or the Test Drives, or other list-type articles, you have to figure out how to present data as well as prose. It's a million tiny pieces that have to all add up to a coherent publication with its own personality.<br />
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There was no "how to design and layout a magazine" book or website out there that I could find. I had to wing it from what I had observed at my time at Inside Annapolis and from laying out a book years before with different software, and just from looking at tons and tons of magazines. We were aiming towards (and I say towards because our aim wasn't real good there) modern quilters, and so I initially wanted a very spare, clean look with artful use of negative space. But Jake and Melissa had chosen to do a smaller format than most magazines. Instead of something along the lines of 8x11 (publications vary), they went for 7x9, the thinking being that in a smaller size, a newsstand would have to put our publication out front so it wouldn't get swallowed up and overlooked. This didn't always happen, but it was strategic thinking. Unfortunately, it meant I had less real estate to work with and I couldn't just make everything proportionally smaller. Sometimes I really felt like I was cramming too much in, but it turned out the challenge was food to my soul.<br />
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It was never easy. Sometimes there were compromises which threw a wrench into the design I envisioned. I was the person at the end of the assembly line, and if people got backed up on their end (read: didn't get their shit done on time) it made my timeline even tighter. I had to proof final pages in a mad rush for one issue because my brother died and I had to leave town to go to his funeral. And I still wrote my humor column, plus two other pieces.<br />
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Even when it made me want to rip my hair out and throw things, it was still the best thing I've ever accomplished. And I thought I couldn't do it.<br />
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I stepped back from my role after 5 issues. At that point, they wanted to go from quarterly to bimonthly, and with two elementary school-age kids, one who was having some problems and needing therapy, I didn't feel I was up to the ramped-up schedule. I needed to be realistic for myself and my family, and knowing how hectic the last few weeks of each issue would get, I knew trying to compress that into double-time would probably break me. I stayed on with my humor columns and the other pieces I was writing and kept an associate editor title for a while.<br />
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I helped out as co-art director on one issue in 2014, and after that I left altogether. It was time to move on, though to what I wasn't certain. I wrote half a novel and made a bunch of bags and art quilts and managed to patch together one last book. But I also had three surgeries and my husband had two sets of stents in his heart and other life things took over my field of view. Some are still there.<br />
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<i>Quilter's Home</i> and <i>Generation Q</i> represent some of the best years of my life and some of the best work I've ever done. I grew an audience for my humor writing; I developed my design sense which translated over into quilting and into my books. I helped create an independent publication from the ground up.<br />
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But most of all, every time I said, "I can't," Jake Finch and Melissa Thompson Maher said, "Oh, we think you can."<br />
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And then I did.<br />
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<br />Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04848601503102752338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8769048173809484225.post-30040131141734359422018-07-10T06:00:00.000-04:002018-07-10T06:00:01.028-04:0010 Years of The Bitchy Stitcher: The QSMASBCIt started out, as nearly everything in my life does, as a joke. On my professional web site (now defunct), I said on my bio page that I had been lucky enough to combine two of my great loves—quilting and writing—into one career, but that someday I wanted to gather all of my passions into one publication: Quilter's Shirtless Man and Spicy Burrito Monthly. Being the thrifty humorist that I am, I recycled the joke on the blog, made a pinboard on Pinterest devoted to the concept, and soon readers began suggesting that if I didn't mind potbellies and fur, they'd take a photo of their own personal man-companions bare-chested, be-quilted, and, well, holding a burrito. And I counter-offered: if I get 12 such photos, I'll make us a calendar. I got 14. I made us a calendar.<br />
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For three glorious years, the QSMASBC was, if not the most popular quilt-adjacent calendar in the realm—or even anything close to it, certainly the most original. Other dudes-n-quilts calendars tended to focus on the traditionally hunky types, like muscly firefighters, and sure, that's <i>fine</i>. I like a nice pec as much as the next person. But I think calendars like that give a distorted view of just what kind of man likes to laze around shirtless on a handmade quilt. I mention often that quilt magazines are aspirational, and in some ways so are traditional quilt calendars. I wanted to upend that a bit and with my calendar celebrate guys we love because of who they are to us, and celebrate quilts we made ourselves even if we aren't prize winning professionals, and celebrate burritos. Because they are awesome.<br />
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Thus the slogan: Real Men. Real Quilts. Real Burritos.<br />
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The first year we had 14 submissions, the next year 17. And in its last year, the calendar had 20 submissions to choose from. There were a number of people who swore they were going to get me epic pictures of a son or a husband, but never did, ususally because the aforementioned son or husband wouldn't cooperate. (AHEM, BARRY.) Then there were those, particularly Mark, seen above on the cover of the inaugural edition, who conducted photo shoots in multiple locations every year. In fact, Mark was so amazing as our first cover model, and so enthusiastic about his secondary career as a shirtless model, he was featured in every calendar. Though I ultimately went for a different cover in years two and three, I did mock up two Mark covers for our final year:<br />
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In its first two years, the calendar was picked up by eQuilter.com and they even had one of their staff dress as a QSMASBC calendar model for Halloween one year. The way it was priced made wholesaling it unprofitable, but I just appreciated their enthusiasm for the project.<br />
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It was short lived, but we had some amazing models, didn't we?<br />
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Yes. Yes, we did.<br />
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The reason I stopped is complicated. The calendar was only profitable in its first year, and as I had initially conceived it as a fundraiser for my brother, it became less of a labor of love after he passed away. The print-on-demand service I used made a great calendar, but I was unhappy with other aspects of the service. I never found a way to print them myself that produced a similar quality product for I price I could work with. So, I decided to let it end.<br />
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But I can still look back on these awesome guys who were such good sports and made the world a little sweeter and spicier for three glorious years. You can see all the pictures from all the editions <a href="https://thebitchystitcher.blogspot.com/2012/06/2013-quilters-shirtless-man-and-spicy.html" target="_blank">here</a>, <a href="https://thebitchystitcher.blogspot.com/2012/08/presenting-qsmasbc-2013.html" target="_blank">here</a>, and <a href="https://thebitchystitcher.blogspot.com/2013/10/presenting-qsmasbc-2014.html" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
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Next Tuesday, I'll take a look back at my career in magazines.Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04848601503102752338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8769048173809484225.post-84793869542159555002018-07-03T06:00:00.000-04:002018-07-03T06:00:03.230-04:0010 Years of The Bitchy Stitcher: My BooksThis July marks the tenth year I have been blogging about my misadventures in quilting as The Bitchy Stitcher. Each Tuesday this month I will be looking back on all the cool/possibly misguided things I’ve managed to do in those 10 years.
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Short-Sharp-Snippy-cutting-quilt/dp/1720513279/ref=sr_1_1_twi_pap_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1530553145&sr=8-1&keywords=short+sharp+and+snippy" target="_blank">My new collection of humor pieces, <i>Short, Sharp and Snippy</i>, is now available on amazon.com</a> and I’ll be shipping out all the signed pre-order copies just as soon as they arrive in my hot little hands.<br />
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This second book has been a long time coming. My first book, <i>Quilting Isn’t Funny</i>, came out in November of 2013, shortly before my mom passed away from liver cancer and 11 months after we lost my brother to brain cancer. Whenever I try to remember when that book came out, all I have to do is recall The Bad Year.
It was a very strange thing to be promoting a book of my weird-ass quilting humor while also grieving, but the wheels had been set in motion already. A huge number of people signed on to participate in a blog tour, and so we had four weeks of a different quilt blogger each day talking about the book and giving away PDF copies. I had a giant stack of pre-order copies to sign and mail, a few shops started inquiring about wholesale orders. On one hand I was doing cartwheels over how well it was all going, and on the other I was trying to hold my broken heart together while also helping other people through their own grief.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh79USWp4ECZEfdKeaqhFCaPL8JOehQ7yN1rjzoMzydmDASZM20ZMxt9f1de8i73vs84PMtBEg9Dgj_hH5esEXOP1o_3Y-b3-YDO-Lz2W_1qrua0NybubYYI6fjh6PSD-H9pBOy5mPae84/s1600/IMG_2757.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh79USWp4ECZEfdKeaqhFCaPL8JOehQ7yN1rjzoMzydmDASZM20ZMxt9f1de8i73vs84PMtBEg9Dgj_hH5esEXOP1o_3Y-b3-YDO-Lz2W_1qrua0NybubYYI6fjh6PSD-H9pBOy5mPae84/s640/IMG_2757.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
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I am still so proud of that first book. It was self-published, which may seem like less of an accomplishment, but I not only wrote the whole thing, I also designed it. I had layout and design experience from a literary magazine I was asked to help create back in 2002, <i>BrickStreet</i>. That project was spearheaded by me and a friend and we solicited writing and artwork from local and international writers and artists. I taught myself QuarkXpress in order to do the layout—because we had NO budget for anybody but the two of us, and we didn’t get paid.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjI7N_8oSXncsd_LBiKH_tOoT1GYjgOg2B8bH6MJXq4ckZU52QQXpoiA0uEfGoiiErS6HOQxQB98X7NEAk08RLYrFi2DwZh7HL6m-oZKdKG8XdzGUYyl8zFQbFvOI7_4qjW1D0XDIzdstE/s1600/brickstreet.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1335" data-original-width="907" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjI7N_8oSXncsd_LBiKH_tOoT1GYjgOg2B8bH6MJXq4ckZU52QQXpoiA0uEfGoiiErS6HOQxQB98X7NEAk08RLYrFi2DwZh7HL6m-oZKdKG8XdzGUYyl8zFQbFvOI7_4qjW1D0XDIzdstE/s640/brickstreet.jpg" width="434" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cover artwork detail from <i>Anatomy of a Struggle</i> by Moe Hanson</td></tr>
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From that experience I was able to leave my job as an optician and become the assistant editor of a very small local publication called <i>Inside Annapolis</i>. Though I wasn’t hired to do layout, I had enough knowledge from <i>BrickStreet</i> to prepare the layout file for the actual graphic designer, and as time progressed I was allowed to do some design work on my own, especially ads. I also wrote for the magazine, and would sometimes be allowed to do the design on my own articles. There I learned Adobe InDesign, which is what I still use for layout today.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">One of the only covers I was allowed to do myself. I was so proud of figuring out how to get the guy's head over the logo.</td></tr>
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I used all that experience as art director for <i>Generation Q</i> magazine some years later, and so once I had managed to design and layout and entire magazine on my own, I figured a book of my weirdo quilting humor pieces should be no biggie.<br />
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The original cover of <i>Quilting Isn't Funny</i> was conceived as a quilt label on a quilted background, but I was never satisfied with the quality of the photography (which I had to do myself because of the zero budget). I still own two proof copies of that version though, so undoubtedly future collectors will pay millions for one of them.<br />
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Ultimately, I scrapped the entire cover concept and created artwork in Illustrator so I wouldn't have to sweat over the quality of my crappy photography. I created a design with a rotary cutter, a seam ripper, and a fountain pen that also ended up on my business cards, and I used my favorite color combination of green and purple. I spent hours deciding things like where to put page numbers and how to format the table of contents, and it was so satisfying to be the only decision maker in that process. By the time I was done, I had a book that was entirely mine.<br />
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I went back over sales of <i>Quilting Isn’t Funny</i> and with my own hard copy and PDF sales, plus Amazon and Kindle, and wholesale and distributor orders, I sold nearly 2000 copies. TWO THOUSAND. I suppose an actual book publisher would weep into her whiskey sour over such piddly numbers, but for a self-published first-time author who writes in a niche as tiny as quilting humor? I think that’s damn good.<br />
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I know <i>Short, Sharp and Snippy</i> won’t sell anywhere close to that number and I’m okay with that. I’m not employed by a magazine anymore, and life circumstances over the last few years have eroded my online presence. But I had a goal to get one more book done, and though the self-imposed deadlines I had put on it came and went more than once, I somehow had a surge of energy to finish it once I had the title, which frankly I adore. For the devil scissors, I took my original artwork for my tattoo and re-drew it to add the horns and the inner heart shape. Once I was done, I thought the image was strong enough to stand on it's own on the cover, and I kept the rest of the design simple to show it off.<br />
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My husband said to me recently that I do not revel in my own accomplishments enough. To be honest, he does quite a lot of that for me so I don’t really have to. But he’s probably right. We’re conditioned not to brag, especially women, and if you can’t brag at least a little after ten years of accomplishing stuff, well when can you?
I self-published two books. With lots of quilt-adjacent fart jokes in them. And I’m damn proud of that.<br />
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Next week we’ll look back at the greatest quilt calendar ever created.
Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04848601503102752338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8769048173809484225.post-53521932178939831042018-06-12T10:41:00.000-04:002018-06-12T10:41:49.530-04:00Short, Sharp and SnippyFor the last few months, I've been locked in my office/studio/nap pavilion, slaving away over a hot computer to bring you, my dearest darlings, a lovely (I hope) surprise. Some of you who follow me on Facebook and Instagram know about it already, but even so, allow me to introduce...MY NEW BOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br />
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Bigger! Longer! And (un)cut from the same cloth as my first book, <i>Quilting Isn't Funny</i>. This new volume collects 25 of my signature quilting humor pieces, many appearing in print for the first time. If you've missed anything I've published in the last 5 years, you'll find it here! This book has been a long time coming, and there were plenty of times I wasn't sure it would ever happen. But my goal this year was to get it done by July, because July marks my 10th anniversary writing as The Bitchy Stitcher. TEN YEARS.</div>
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AND IT'S TIME FOR PRE-ORDERS!</div>
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<a href="https://clevernotions.bigcartel.com/product/pre-order-short-sharp-and-snippy-signed-paperback-us-shipping" target="_blank">I am now taking pre-orders for SIGNED copies at a special price.</a> When the book is available on Amazon, the list price will be $14.99, (and there will be no lovingly applied purple-ink signature) but if you take advantage of pre-order pricing you get it for $11.99 plus $3.00 media mail shipping in the U.S.. When you place this in your cart, <b>please make note of the shipping options</b>—if you are in Canada or any other country outside the U.S., there are options for you to cover the cost of shipping. SHIPPING OUTSIDE THE U.S. IS HELLA PRICEY and there is, unfortunately, nothing I can do to make this cheaper. Please note that the book will be available on Amazon in many countries and will also be available for Kindle, so there are cheaper options—just not ones that involve my signature.</div>
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I hope to ship as many pre-orders as possible by July 1. Keep in mind I will keep pre-orders open until June 26, so later orders may ship just a bit later. </div>
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And for those of you who never got a copy of my first book, <i>Quilting Isn't Funny</i>, <a href="https://clevernotions.bigcartel.com/product/pre-order-both-quilting-isn-t-funny-and-short-sharp-and-snippy-signed" target="_blank">I also have a pre-order listing that gets you BOTH books at an even better price.</a> If you order both together, each book is $10.00 plus the same $3.00 shipping in the U.S. (shipping is included in the listed price in the shop).</div>
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Pre-orders will also be available soon on Amazon for the Kindle version (the paperback listing on Amazon says "out of print" but it's not—I just haven't made it fully available yet.). The Kindle pre-order was submitted today and should go live within 72 hours.</div>
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Also, starting on July 1, I will make a PDF version available for less than the Kindle price. SO MANY OPTIONS.</div>
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With this book, I do not have the networks in place that I had when I published my first one. I am no longer working for a magazine (hell, that magazine is gone and so many others are shutting down, it's crazy), and I just do not have the industry contacts I had when I was an actual part of the industry. So, I'm going to ask you all a HUGE favor. Whenever you see links to the book on social media PLEASE share if you can, at least once. I'll be promoting it as much as I feel comfortable with (so, not as much as I should) and the more eyes I can get on it the better. There won't be a blog tour, since I know almost no one who keeps up their blog anymore, so social media marketing is the only way I have to advertise this book. THANK YOU.</div>
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It must also be said, if you are a quilt shop and would like to carry either of my books, <a href="mailto:meganzdougherty@gmail.com" target="_blank">email me</a> for wholesale prices.</div>
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So, to reiterate and hopefully make it easier:</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh20wXO6aUoFH9bi1xPkokuHP9RXSPHqFVIfzqJNBm4t78kP-mAVED9_yGCrnKuaXuRkaYz4degN9c-D8zWAC5NL47JuAsl41LeSptpuEjlgOazzaP9G8KC_ZB5DyRK5ojFYxTHh_U09mQ/s1600/Short_Sharp_and_Sni_Cover_for_Kindle.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh20wXO6aUoFH9bi1xPkokuHP9RXSPHqFVIfzqJNBm4t78kP-mAVED9_yGCrnKuaXuRkaYz4degN9c-D8zWAC5NL47JuAsl41LeSptpuEjlgOazzaP9G8KC_ZB5DyRK5ojFYxTHh_U09mQ/s320/Short_Sharp_and_Sni_Cover_for_Kindle.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://clevernotions.bigcartel.com/product/pre-order-short-sharp-and-snippy-signed-paperback-us-shipping" target="_blank">Short, Sharp and Snippy SIGNED COPY PRE-ORDER click here.</a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOC7Hgm0CpHbInZ3J9MJLcCms2HRIZcJub4TD7ZmIXU1l3eP_cyfY4JUQPR4nTdSQZAkRVTiMpuNZ6FeOV3FjFbhq1hj9_JTyBjD2FgTO5o42sEisvg87T1KTG0diDQ6rR1YTyZfjn7F4/s1600/bothbooks.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1000" data-original-width="1221" height="262" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOC7Hgm0CpHbInZ3J9MJLcCms2HRIZcJub4TD7ZmIXU1l3eP_cyfY4JUQPR4nTdSQZAkRVTiMpuNZ6FeOV3FjFbhq1hj9_JTyBjD2FgTO5o42sEisvg87T1KTG0diDQ6rR1YTyZfjn7F4/s320/bothbooks.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://clevernotions.bigcartel.com/product/pre-order-both-quilting-isn-t-funny-and-short-sharp-and-snippy-signed" target="_blank">Short, Sharp and Snippy AND Quilting Isn't Funny SIGNED COPIES PRE-ORDER click here.</a></div>
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Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04848601503102752338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8769048173809484225.post-86091936727573130242018-03-21T16:45:00.000-04:002018-03-21T18:08:36.753-04:00Letters...I get letters...My email inbox has been a fun place lately. Back when I first started this bloggy-poo, most of the email I used to get was along the lines of "please stop cursing" or "OH MY GOD WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE" or penises (y'all are laying down on the penis emailing job lately, let me just say) but now it's mostly these weird hit-or-miss mass emails that are meant to look as though they have chosen me and me alone among all the bloggers out there to offer up a Special Opportunity.<br />
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It started some months ago when I got this email:<br />
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Naturally, I began planning both my course and my on-camera wardrobe, since this was clearly my ticket to Fame and Filthy Lucre. To be honest, I struggled with what to teach, finally settling on "How to Make 8 Million Bags and Have Something Massively Wrong With Every Single One of Them," since it's what I do best, but the wardrobe was a no-brainer: slightly too-small t-shirts with Harry Potter themes and baggy yoga pants. Because that's all I actually own. Perhaps they would include a trip to the famous Ft. Lauderdale Fashion Bug Plus as part of my on-site compensation.</div>
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But after the heady initial thrill of being a World Famous Quilting Teacher wore off, I realized that doing this would in fact violate my personal policy of never getting up in front of a group of people ever again, even if that "group" consisted only of Harry the producer and his able cameraman, Stu. (Cameramen are always named Stu.) </div>
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Also, I don't teach quilting; I write fart jokes that are <i>quilting-adjacent</i>. Slight difference.</div>
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And so, with a rueful sigh, I declined Harry's kind but honestly sort of sketchy offer.</div>
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My next email was, if you can believe it, even more exciting. </div>
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THEY ARE REALLY DIGGING MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL YOU GUYS. Of course, I don't have one, but they are clearly digging my potential channel that could exist in an alternate universe where I am not an anti-social, menopausal woman whose "style" consists of wearing all black not because it's slimming but because I'm too lazy to coordinate separates. </div>
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Also, this is obviously NOT the brainchild of some 23-year-old living in his mom's basement who has learned about drop shipping crap from China and making it look like "luxury" goods curated by "travel buddies." Nope, definitely not. </div>
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And the best part was that I would only have to buy something to start! At a whopping 50% discount! (See, if you mark up cheap crap by 600% you can sell it for "50% off" and still make an obscene profit! That's called good business.) </div>
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Sadly, after my last Zulily purchase, I was all tapped out on my "stuff that looks nothing like the picture and is most likely made from petroleum byproducts" budget, so I had to decline their kind but honestly sort of stupid offer.</div>
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Then, the Big Boys decided they wanted to play:</div>
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I've gone from Instructor, to Partner, to INFLUENCER! For Amazon, no less! Never mind that this is just the Amazon Affiliate program with a fancy name that makes it sound like we're going to rub elbows with Hadids and Kardashians, and never mind that I got kicked out of the Amazon Affiliate program because I never actually sold anything (nor did I try). This is my opportunity to influence my readers to give their hard-earned money to a giant corporation that doesn't actually need the meager profits generated by a quilt-fart blogger with a questionable wardrobe. I mean, who doesn't want to have that kind of influence?</div>
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Well, me, apparently. I did not exactly decline their kind but frankly stupid offer; I just kinda ignored it.</div>
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Things were quiet for a while. I thought perhaps my instructing, partnering, influencing days were all behind me. But then I got THIS:</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWKbgh8r30tYVGCIp0sGUN1CDrLbRl_RMRSqKdoRbBTZIm12eg7UKGUpTsD1Z_VlMSfxLFJuWban9oRvtVOKbezn0Z1AXjG6JVDGvUWA4atGhhaFxnYqNEG_J8QlCJ2EGaCmcq0qbqkNI/s1600/IMG_B734B513C8E9-1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="900" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWKbgh8r30tYVGCIp0sGUN1CDrLbRl_RMRSqKdoRbBTZIm12eg7UKGUpTsD1Z_VlMSfxLFJuWban9oRvtVOKbezn0Z1AXjG6JVDGvUWA4atGhhaFxnYqNEG_J8QlCJ2EGaCmcq0qbqkNI/s640/IMG_B734B513C8E9-1.jpeg" width="360" /></a></div>
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Did I write about cars in August of 2010? <a href="https://thebitchystitcher.blogspot.com/2010/08/more-like-semi-colons-now.html" target="_blank">See for yourself.</a> I wrote an entire freaking blog post about how my period was late and related this to some recent car troubles:</div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 15.4px;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">I just don't think it's healthy for a 41-year-old out-of-shape woman with high blood pressure and questionable emotional stability to have a pregnancy scare, no matter how unlikely. But it does make me consider the fact that my car troubles were entirely due to the fact that I hadn't changed my oil in over a year, and thus wonder if I've done something equally as stupid with my own body that is preventing the arrival of the Ketchup Monster. Or perhaps my own oil refuses to change in some sort of twisted solidarity with my car. Next it'll be wanting its spark pistons re-bored or something.</span></span></blockquote>
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Naturally, this—EIGHT YEARS LATER—means that I will now be shifting the topic of this blog from quiltin' and fartin' to car stuff. Clearly, however, cars are not my forté, so thank goodness Catherine is on the case. Am I taking pitches? OH FUCK YES I'M TAKING PITCHES. But not from Catherine. I don't know her and in her second email she mysteriously turned into a "we". </div>
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Clearly, "Catherine Metcalf" is actually "The Mafia." I'm on to you, Cat. I must decline your kind but possibly murderous offer. </div>
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But I WILL accept pitches from you, dear readers. Send me your best pitches for car-quilt-fart-influencing-instruction-partner articles and I will send the best one a small wristlet bag hand-made by me. Not this one, but one like it, in fabrics of my choosing.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2XRejmMvI0VJttaEWZ71O8aOY5oogfTbrG9zz8R4B7F6Z75mepnw9m3XQD48x3ju3E0BWN-xbH7DjqHrYgprSEyArheMiijr7EEX1NyX163vn0JhPdjU3ZA842_nKd3WEjXJuL51JH3Q/s1600/IMG_0606.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2XRejmMvI0VJttaEWZ71O8aOY5oogfTbrG9zz8R4B7F6Z75mepnw9m3XQD48x3ju3E0BWN-xbH7DjqHrYgprSEyArheMiijr7EEX1NyX163vn0JhPdjU3ZA842_nKd3WEjXJuL51JH3Q/s400/IMG_0606.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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Good luck, and may the Influencer Be Ever In Your Partnership Program.Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04848601503102752338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8769048173809484225.post-46471823357101044502018-01-31T14:01:00.001-05:002018-01-31T14:01:14.576-05:00How Pickles Make Quilting All Better<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">(Author's note: Okay, so yesterday on my Facebook page I asked for suggestions of topics to write about, because I had promised to write more but I could not think of anything worthy of an entire blog post. Alert reader Teri suggested, and I quote her exactly: how pickles make quilting all better. Here you go, Teri. There were some other great suggestions and you'll see more of them here soon.)</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11pt;">Self-care is so important, isn’t it? In the words of our greatest American citizen, RuPaul, how can you love anyone else if you don’t love yourself? And loving yourself requires taking care of yourself, and taking care of yourself requires not getting your panties in a twist over some tiny little problem that isn’t even important in the grand scheme of things anyway. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11pt;">But when you are a quilter, your entire existence can be a series of tiny little problems that, added together, become one big problem and now you have an entire row in your guild group quilt that is a WHOLE FOOT shorter than the rest because somebody keeps eyeballing her quarter inch seam and no we can’t just tack on some extra fabric at the end, Donna; we may be modern but we’re not savages.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11pt;">So yes, it can be very easy to get your knickers in a wad over many things in quilting, but there is a solution. No, I mean a literal solution of vinegar and water and salt and spices and maybe sugar if you’re feeling frisky. I’m talking about, of course, pickles.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11pt;">That’s right, I said pickles. The ancient and venerable arts of pickling and quilting have seen a huge resurgence in recent years, but it is not widely known that the two together can rebalance your waveform energies and positively ionize your neuron pathways. Or something. I don’t know for sure - I fell asleep in that TED talk.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11pt;">Let me give you an example. Let’s say you are in your sewing room, just happily quilting along, la dee da la dee da, and suddenly your machine jams up, grinds to a halt, and smoke starts curling out of the motor. And that was the $99 special you got at Kmart because in this freaking economy that’s all you can afford and it’s not like those tax cuts everybody is all orgasmic over apply to you and now what are you supposed to do? If you’re like most quilters, you’ll just go lie facedown on the floor until the sobbing subsides, but just imagine if you had a jar of pickles next to you at your sewing table. Maybe some sweet gherkins. Then, as you watch your only link to sanity dying in front of you, you can thoughtfully munch on a nice crisp and tangy pickle, feeling your chakras triangulate into a pyramid or something, and when you’ve finished the entire jar you can hurl it at the machine, effectively venting your frustrations and putting out what might have been an actual fire inside that thing. See? Isn’t that better?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11pt;">Here’s another one. Let’s say you are at a guild meeting and the guild show chair is handing out assignments but she is a perfectionist micro-managing hell-beast and your assignment—which is basically to stand at the door and hand out flyers—is specific down to the acceptable brand and color of mascara you are allowed to wear, and the chair is all like, “Is there a problem” because your face is pinched in a fit of unspoken rage and it’s not like you can say out loud what you’re really thinking so you just have to keep it all in to fester like all your unfulfilled dreams. But just imagine if you had a jar of pickles in your hand. Maybe some kosher dills. Then, when the hell-beast is ready to micro-manage your face you can go, “Hoo boy these are some sour pickles—want some?” And when her attention is deflected by the jar of tasty cukes you can run out the door and into sweet, sweet freedom. There. All better.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11pt;">Really, there’s no problem that a good jar or at least a dish of pickles can’t solve. In fact, the famous Pickle Dish quilt pattern was so named because Prohibition-era quilters used to keep a small dish of pickles handy to mask the smell of homemade hooch on their breath, since in those days quilting bees were really just speak-easies. And that’s where guilds come from, but that’s another story for another day.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11pt;">I hope you’ll join me in the long lost tradition of the jar of pickles in the sewing room, because when quilting threatens to get your briefs in a bunch, there’s nothing like a bread-n-butter chip to make it all better.</span></div>
Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04848601503102752338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8769048173809484225.post-28364444039031154622017-12-30T21:01:00.001-05:002017-12-30T21:14:37.361-05:002017 is in the bag<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It has been an odd year.<br />
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The shadow hanging over the first half of the year was that I would be having surgery again, my third in as many years. The hernia surgery I had in 2016, which was extensive and extremely painful for a very long time, failed after only a few months, plus I developed a new one. I was lucky to find a surgeon who specializes in cases like mine, and who uses better repair techniques, and had everything gone perfectly my recovery probably would have been quicker and much less painful than the original surgery. Unfortunately, I developed a post-operative infection—most likely from when they had to remove my appendix during the procedure because the old mesh had become adhered to it—and I was sick for over a month. It all culminated with a drainage tube installed in the middle of my abdomen, which I had to flush twice a day and clean and drain, and I would rather have had the pain, quite frankly. The cocktail of antibiotics I had to take made me quite ill on top of the infection and I was a useless blob for what felt like a very long time.<br />
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In the first half of the year, before the surgery, I did manage to make one quilt, <i>The Sea of Serpents</i>, which I <a href="https://thebitchystitcher.blogspot.com/2017/04/the-sea-of-serpents.html" target="_blank">wrote about here</a>. I also did a couple small appliqué pieces.<br />
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This one is called <i>Flipping the Bird</i>:<br />
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And this one is <i>Billy Rose's Aquacade</i>:</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwI24XZUAnKPr6RKZ6hyphenhyphen-TDB1xSE9-2kxRxff76fnAAjh7n0uWyGBIMpN_gJmYrf-2rfYNvOz-UaqD75rhoUUsfqF5yty8h81Iypjr5Jgd20n9knBIV7w27u6v-YVQ1ha43F_Ob3ndTHg/s1600/IMG_8811+2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwI24XZUAnKPr6RKZ6hyphenhyphen-TDB1xSE9-2kxRxff76fnAAjh7n0uWyGBIMpN_gJmYrf-2rfYNvOz-UaqD75rhoUUsfqF5yty8h81Iypjr5Jgd20n9knBIV7w27u6v-YVQ1ha43F_Ob3ndTHg/s640/IMG_8811+2.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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I did a few more in the summer and fall after I got better. The blue and green are out of order on this one, which still just kills me, but this one is called <i>Type It Out</i>:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMx8301U19hOqR4pCa5nkuH8LD5XlWwRVDhlZzjgRE_yNsS2SPhebNNgQyl6oCUJR3me79qlh8IKaQwObayKS1xQf4O_GNn3iv0VGI4dVDk2njILuc7spxIPw8HsRyE_0YmwVzxjCunag/s1600/IMG_9486.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMx8301U19hOqR4pCa5nkuH8LD5XlWwRVDhlZzjgRE_yNsS2SPhebNNgQyl6oCUJR3me79qlh8IKaQwObayKS1xQf4O_GNn3iv0VGI4dVDk2njILuc7spxIPw8HsRyE_0YmwVzxjCunag/s640/IMG_9486.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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A scissors pattern I found in my old computer files inspired this, <i>The Cutter Wheel</i>:<br />
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And this came from the eyeglass design I developed when I made my store logo. I've been having some slightly odd vision problems, and I began to contemplate (though the problems aren't that bad) what the specter of vision loss must be like. This one is <i>Fade from View</i>.<br />
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So, one large quilt, and five mini quilts, not too shabby. But then the bag thing started.<br />
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Oh, the bag thing.<br />
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Last year, my sister wanted to make me a bag, something, she said, that I'd never make for myself. I didn't take that as a challenge, but it kind of sat there in my brain for a while: why wouldn't I try to make that for myself? I mean, I was thrilled to get a bag made by my sister—and I still would be—but frankly I loved the one she made so much, I wanted more and I certainly don't expect her to be my on-call bag maker. I've learned plenty of other things, I thought. Surely I can learn this.<br />
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Y'all, I have made 22 bags this year, and I'm working on number 23. There are only 17 bags in the photo above because I made four more after I took the picture. The thing is, most have something pretty wrong with them, so even though I do use many of them, the ones I don't use I don't know what the hell to do with. Every bag has been a learning experience, and I am really enjoying the process of making mistakes and stepping back to try and figure out how to prevent those mistakes the next time. I am learning the limits of my machines, the properties of different materials, as well as so many new techniques and tools. It often takes me as much time to select the fabrics as it does to make the bag, and it's wonderful to be able to move slowly and yet still have a completed project in just a few days.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px;">These are some of the bags I do use.</td></tr>
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I'm currently working on a bag pattern which I hope to release early next year that is geared towards beginner bag makers, employing everything I've learned in the past year to make a bag that's cute and has lots of options, but won't make a newbie cry in frustration.<br />
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So, as far as actually making things, even though it hasn't been big quilts, it's been a great year.<br />
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The blog, however...<br />
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Yes, the blog has languished this year, and that is both the result of a downward trend in post frequency that really began a few years ago, and also a reflection of my own need to just step away from things for a while. The last few years have seen a lot of endings for me, and I began to wonder whether it might be time to end The Bitchy Stitcher as well. I haven't felt engaged with it for a while, and really wondered if I wanted to keep it going at all. Sometimes I like to just do a hard reset and start completely over, see where it takes me. That's how I got out of the optical business and became a magazine editor. I put aside a freshwater fishkeeping hobby for sewing and this is where I am now. If you have the freedom and the inclination (and the temperament), giving yourself a clean slate can be a great thing, and I was thinking maybe it's time.<br />
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And then I got an email. I had been asked by Maddie Kertay of Badass Quilters Society to do a monthly humor column starting in July. If you missed them here they are:<br />
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<a href="http://www.badassquilterssociety.com/the-bitchy-stitcher-at-baqs-letting-go/" target="_blank">July: Letting Go</a><br />
<a href="http://www.badassquilterssociety.com/meet-the-candidates-the-bitchy-stitcher/" target="_blank">August:Meet the Candidates</a><span id="goog_341050050"></span><a href="https://www.blogger.com/"></a><span id="goog_341050051"></span><br />
<a href="http://www.badassquilterssociety.com/the-bitchy-stitcher-goes-badass-things-you-need-to-stop-doing-to-be-a-better-quilter/" target="_blank">September: Things You Need to Stop (to be a better quilter)</a><br />
<a href="http://www.badassquilterssociety.com/the-bitchy-stitcher-at-baqs/" target="_blank">October: A Few Words About Your Quilting By Your Dog</a><br />
<a href="http://www.badassquilterssociety.com/quilt-the-pounds-away-the-bitchy-stitcher-goes-badass/" target="_blank">November: Quilt the Pounds Away</a><br />
<a href="http://www.badassquilterssociety.com/quilting-reality-shows-the-bitchy-stitcher-goes-badass/" target="_blank">December: Quilting Reality Shows</a><br />
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As it happened, I had been working on a second book, so I had just enough pieces written to get through the end of the year, so I thought, why not? I might get some new readers out of it, and maybe that would reignite my passion for the Bitchy Stitcher. Well, turns out it's hard to know if you have new readers when you don't really write much, but then I got this email, shortly after my December piece posted, from someone who found me through that column:<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">I want to truly say thank you for writing your book! I laughed my way through every paragraph!! Your book came to me during a very recent hard time for my family and I can honestly say this is the only thing that has been able to make me smile and laugh. Your humor is my much needed medicine! I can not thank you enough.</span></blockquote>
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You want to make me cry? Tell me laughing at my stuff got you through something difficult. I will cry like a little bitch. Also, you want to to make me completely rethink my decision to stop writing a blog I've been doing for almost ten years? Same deal.<br />
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So, I have a pattern to write and a humor book to finish. And while I do those I'm really going to try to get back to writing about whatever fool thing that comes into my head here on the blog. But I need your help. The only reason I keep a personal Facebook page is because you have to have one in order to have a nonpersonal page, like I do for the Bitchy Stitcher. And I keep that because it seems like the best way to keep people apprised of new posts and anything else new that might be going on. If you don't already, please like my Facebook page, <a href="https://www.facebook.com/quiltingisntfunny" target="_blank">which you can find here</a>. When you go there, under the picture of typewriters at the top, you'll see three buttons: Like, Follow, and Recommend. If you click both Like and Follow, you're more likely to see when I post - and I'll always post on Facebook when I have a new piece up here or anywhere else. If you see something on Facebook any engagement at all helps more eyes see it, so likes and comments are really vital, and shares are great too but you can save that for the really good stuff. And I totally get it if you don't want your friends knowing you follow a foul-mouthed, silver-haired bag lady—but if you're cool with that your engagement helps me a lot and also lets me know that I'm not just shouting into the void.<br />
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But if, like me, you kinda hate Facebook, you can also subscribe to my posts. That's different than subscribing to the newsletter—subscribing to posts means that every time I post something new here, the entire post goes right to your email inbox. Look at the sidebar on the right side of this page and go to the last item at the bottom where it says "Subscribe to my blog posts via email." Just put your email address in that box and click Subscribe and follow the subsequent instructions. That list is used for absolutely NOTHING else other than getting my posts in your inbox. JUST REMEMBER: I curse n' stuff and if that bothers you I don't want to hear about it and why are you even here? (Yes, after 9+ years I still have to say this.)<br />
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If you want to see pics of my stitchy stuff in progress and pretty much the second I complete anything, as well as the occasional pic of my absurdly precocious children, <a href="https://www.instagram.com/thebitchystitcher/" target="_blank">you can follow me on Instagram (@thebitchystitcher)</a>. I sometimes link to posts there, but it's not the best place for that, so I don't do it consistently.<br />
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I have some ideas for the year ahead, and we'll discuss those later, and maybe maybe maybe, I might consider reviving THE CALENDAR. Maybe it has been gone too long to bring back, but as I say, we'll talk.<br />
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So, here's the part where I thank you: for reading this long-ass post to the end. For sticking with me for almost 10 years. For sticking with me through some rough years. I am determined to make 2018 my bitch and I hope to see you along the way.<br />
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<br />Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04848601503102752338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8769048173809484225.post-75563266850575409872017-12-20T11:58:00.000-05:002017-12-20T11:58:22.427-05:00A Handmade Holiday<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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‘Tis the season, as they say, and no matter what holiday you celebrate this time of year, it probably involves people expecting you to buy them stuff. Holiday commercialism has gotten so out of hand that even the acolytes of the demon Sa’avu are putting aside their usual blood-letting rituals in favor of Secret Sa’avu gift exchanges. And now that the Gaudiest People Who Ever Lived are in power, gift exchanges have gone from “$10 or less” to “$10 or whatever obscene amount you think will most impress people you barely know.” Lord only knows what the white supremacists are exchanging this year.<br />
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But we are makers, dammit, committed to the principle that if you have to give a gift to That Woman In Accounting Who Keeps An Unusual Amount of Empty Diet Coke Cans In Her Cubicle or to That One Person In Book Club Who Never Reads The Book But Has Lots Of Opinions About It Anyway, then it should be handmade. Here’s a handy guide to all the things you could potentially whip out with some fabric and thread that will fulfill all your social obligations and your hard-won sense of identity.<br />
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<b>1. Zipper Pouch.</b> At best, this is merely 4 pieces of fabric and a zipper, and if you’ve never sewn a zipper before, what better time to learn than at 11:48 pm on the night before your kid has to bring in a teacher gift or she will JUST DIE. In fact, you know what? Who needs zippers anyway? Zippers are stupid, and frankly, are just the excessive trappings of bourgeois consumerism and so you get a sack. A sack with no way to hold it shut except your own hands BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE NEVER GET ANY CLOSURE, SHEILA.<br />
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<b>2. Infinity scarf.</b> Because we are all at the age now where we have to make important, daily neck decisions. Instead of wearing itchy turtlenecks that just make your face look fat, you can don a graceful drape of gauzy fabric that will not actually keep you warm but will at least hide the skin you now realize is starting to resemble the skin on a ballsack.<br />
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<b>3. Mug rug.</b> No, Kathy. I will not make you a quilt. You are, quite literally, the most annoying person I have ever met and you make every single meeting a living hell simply by breathing near me. (It’s phlegmy, Kathy. So phlegmy.) I’m not going to make you a table runner or a wall hanging—no, I’m going to make you a glorified coaster. Because maybe, just maybe, after you set down the mug of “herbal tea” (Diet Snapple and vodka) you are constantly sipping from, you will then place the wadded up tissue into which you hork up gobs of death slime during staff meetings onto the coaster next to it and not directly on the conference table like some sort of savage. It’s a gift for us all, really.<br />
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<b>4. Pillow. </b>Okay, so, I had plans for this, I really did. I found this paper piecing pattern that was George Clooney’s face. Like, <i>Out of Sight</i>, <i>Ocean’s Eleven</i>, <i>O Brother Where Art Thou</i> Clooney. Peak Clooney, in other words. And I thought hey, who wouldn’t want to have a fabric representation of an older but wiser Doug Ross to embrace and/or throw at the dog? But then there were all these tiny, tiny parts (charming laugh lines are super difficult to paper piece—who knew?) and it was all so hard to line up, George ended up looking more like Matt Damon and that is just eight million kinds of oh hell no, so I had to burn it and then I ran out of time so I made you this instead. It’s purple. Yes, just 2 squares of solid purple sewn together with some stuffing. Shut up—it’s your favorite color and you can still throw it at the dog.<br />
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<b>5. Pot holders.</b> For all your acquaintances in Alaska, California, Colorado, Maine, Massachusetts, Nevada, Oregon, and Washington.<br />
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<b>6. Vibrator cozy.</b> Currently, there are no patterns for this in existence (that I know of) other than knitted or crocheted ones (and <a href="https://thebitchystitcher.blogspot.com/2017/05/quilters-unite.html" target="_blank">you know how we feel about that</a>), so perhaps some enterprising soul could come up with a design. It would really only need to be four pieces of fabric and a drawstring. In fact, you know what? Who needs drawstrings anyway? Drawstrings are just a symbol of how we are tied down by the patriarchy and so you just get a sack, a sack that you have to hold together with your own hands because we are women and we have to give ourselves our own orgasms SO WE CAN HOLD OUR OWN GODDAMN SACKS TOGETHER TOO I GUESS, SHEILA.<br />
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<b>7. Gift cards.</b> It counts if you draw on the envelope.<br />
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Peace and joy and love to you all, my friends. And Hail Sa’avu.</div>
Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04848601503102752338noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8769048173809484225.post-48565962114985186332017-08-10T15:54:00.000-04:002017-08-10T15:54:04.168-04:00Humor posts are happening!My new humor column at BadAss Quilter's Society is not quite so new anymore, as my second one just went live today!<br />
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It's guild election time. <a href="http://www.badassquilterssociety.com/meet-the-candidates-the-bitchy-stitcher/" target="_blank">Click here to read all about the candidates</a>!<br />
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And just in case you missed last month's column:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivIjOlFYeamO4r8codP1Ghv2NmiT6IkP93QaUULZ5nicvpt1zaXvLC2uAAx61RnP7tUkW592FZvljh_2WM60Rll0zp2k9gBpU8oVUSvgaFe4K-NTwuJ49DEV_WquXQi5u3qFjSXmcTet8/s1600/IMG_8917.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivIjOlFYeamO4r8codP1Ghv2NmiT6IkP93QaUULZ5nicvpt1zaXvLC2uAAx61RnP7tUkW592FZvljh_2WM60Rll0zp2k9gBpU8oVUSvgaFe4K-NTwuJ49DEV_WquXQi5u3qFjSXmcTet8/s400/IMG_8917.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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This workshop will definitely help get your free motion quilting, um, going. <a href="http://www.badassquilterssociety.com/the-bitchy-stitcher-at-baqs-letting-go/" target="_blank">Click here to learn the secret!</a><br />
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If you like these, please leave a comment at BAQS!<br />
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<br />Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04848601503102752338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8769048173809484225.post-14794395868039338032017-07-06T09:03:00.001-04:002017-07-06T09:15:50.939-04:00The Bitchy Stitcher Goes BadAss!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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YOU GUYS! I am thrilled, pleased, excited, and all around chuffed to announce that starting on July 13, and every second Thursday of the month thereafter, I will be publishing a brand new humor column at <a href="http://www.badassquilterssociety.com/basically-badass-3/" target="_blank">BadAss Quilters Society</a>! Head BadAss <a href="http://www.badassquilterssociety.com/about/" target="_blank">Maddie Kertay</a> is working to bring lots of new content from some amazing contributors to the free portion of her massively popular website, and when she asked me to be the humor columnist I jumped at the chance.<br />
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Now, you know me. I don’t get in bed with just anybody. But I can’t imagine anyone better in this industry for me to partner with. Maddie is a champion of free expression, and y’all know I tend to express myself pretty fucking freely. She’s a southern quilter with a wicked sense of humor so we’re practically sisters (she’s the pretty one). I met Maddie back in 2014 at Spring Quilt Market in Pittsburgh, and after a very, very rough day, I got a text from her inviting me to a nice quiet introvert-soothing dinner in her hotel room. She had no way to know just how bad the day had been or just how much I had fallen apart, but she said she had a feeling I needed a little quiet support and she was exactly right. So, I’m pretty sure she is also psychic as well. And when a psychic southern quilter extraordinaire who makes routine vibrator jokes and encourages everyone to just quilt the way they damn well please says, “Come work with me,” I listen. My mama raised me right.<br />
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I am so excited to have the opportunity to bring my twisted sensibilities to a wider audience, and I’m even happier to know that they will all be available to everyone. Be sure to follow me and <a href="https://www.facebook.com/BadAssQuiltersSociety/" target="_blank">BadAss Quilters Society</a> on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/quiltingisntfunny" target="_blank">Facebook</a> and <a href="https://www.instagram.com/thebitchystitcher/" target="_blank">Instagram</a> so that you can get notifications each month when a new piece is posted. See you over at BAQS on July 13!Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04848601503102752338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8769048173809484225.post-24709056082802077752017-05-31T10:43:00.000-04:002017-05-31T10:44:43.357-04:00Life UpdateWe have a new addition to our family!<br />
<br />
Meet Roscoe:<br />
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Roscoe is a butt-ugly La-Z-Boy recliner with a freaking motor because this is what my life has become. I have completely destroyed the delicate feng shui of my studio in order to accommodate this beast and have it situated directly in front of the television. But, no, not because I have given up on life, but because I am having surgery. Again.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://thebitchystitcher.blogspot.com/2015/03/ode-to-my-new-semi-colon.html" target="_blank">If you recall</a>, two years ago I had part of my colon removed for diverticular disease, and though it was technically done laparoscopically, there was still a 5-inch incision in my lower abdomen. Unfortunately, the incision site herniated a few months later and in May of 2016 I had hernia repair surgery. Which was awful. Recovery was far more painful than I had ever anticipated and took a whole lot longer, too. Unfortunately, the surgery didn't work and I now have to have it re-done this Friday.<br />
<br />
So Mama's new boyfriend is this insanely comfortable chair which for the next 2-4 weeks I will only leave in order to pee and if I can find a way around that I will. I distinctly remember the first day after the last surgery, having my husband help me out of bed so I could get to the bathroom, and I thought the pain might make me pass out, and when I finally got to the bathroom, all of that hurt so much I basically just sat there and cried. SO FUN!<br />
<br />
Besides watching a metric shit-ton of TV (I have been saving a whole bunch of good stuff to watch), I hope to get some writing done since I now have an iPad/keyboard writing system that works. Details are still to be worked out, but if all goes well, I may have a new venue for some of that writing! Plus, I have another surprise in store, which I will hint at here:<br />
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Remember, if you <a href="http://eepurl.com/cwjYgr" target="_blank">subscribe to my newsletter,</a> you will be the first to know about it and get special pricing. (And if you are worried about junk mail, if you sign up for my newsletter, I don't do ANYTHING with your email address other than send you my newsletter, and I do not send out tons of them.) And Instagram is where you will see any quilty/stitchy projects in progress, and there should be one that gets finished from my sick bed, so come find me over there: <a href="https://www.instagram.com/thebitchystitcher/" target="_blank">@thebitchystitcher</a>!<br />
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Wish me luck and I'll see you in July!<br />
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<br />Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04848601503102752338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8769048173809484225.post-73389457400687164692017-05-19T12:20:00.000-04:002017-05-19T13:15:31.959-04:00Quilters Unite!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
Oh, dear.<br />
<br />
Yesterday Facebook was all up in arms because it had been discovered that some people had started a secret Facebook group just for quilters who identify with one end of the political spectrum and wanted to have a place to talk smack about the people on the other.<br />
<br />
Except, they didn't just talk smack, apparently. They also in at least two cases, tried to get people fired. And, as though they wanted to offer up a gift to comedy writers everywhere, in one case they tried to write to a particular quilter's boss but because he is self-employed they were actually writing to the quilter himself! You cannot make this shit up.<br />
<br />
More than enough attention has been given to these people already, but I just have to say one thing. And I know you all know this already—I mean, you are <i>my</i> readers, so you're pretty much the smartest, savviest internet users out there—but all of this political rage, this need to talk about The Other Side as though it is comprised of mostly pedophiles and serial killers, is being fueled, at least in part, by Facebook itself because it makes you stay on Facebook longer and see more ad stuff! Every time you scroll through your feed and you see some link to some article that's probably not even straight up reporting from a major news outlet, but is some off-brand site, your heart rate goes up just that tiny bit because the headline was written in a very particular way in order to make that happen, in order to make you feel aggrieved and insulted. Because when you feel aggrieved and insulted you start looking to your peers to bolster you, to shore you up in the face of so much travesty, and because they are also aggrieved and insulted, they do! On Facebook! And now you've all been on Facebook far longer than you would have been if you were just looking at pictures of people's chickens and you've been exposed to 20 ads instead of 2.<br />
<br />
I also don't have to tell you that treating half the country like they are all pedophiles and serial killers doesn't actually change anything because IT'S HALF THE COUNTRY. If you get all mad and call me and all my friends stupid doo-doo heads, it doesn't make us all go, "Huh! Why yes. We ARE stupid doo-doo heads! Thank you for pointing that out! We will now completely change." No, if you call us stupid doo-doo heads, we are just going to hunker down and become more firmly rooted in whatever it is we are doing that is making you call us doo-doo heads. We can always find oh, roughly 159,000,000 other doo-doo heads to hunker down with.<br />
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And also—and again, I know you know all this but I just can't help myself—it's basically common knowledge that the best way to encourage and maintain group cohesion is to have a common enemy. So, the fact that we are all human beings who want to be safe and free and happy and want a better world for our children doesn't mean shit if we can divide up into teams and hate each other over how best to accomplish that instead of, I don't know, debating the finer points like intelligent adults or something. You are more likely to get up off your butt and vote if your vote is not just for something but also against something—or someone—else, like stupid serial killer doo-doo heads.<br />
<br />
But I get it. I do. Hating people is fun and there seems to be a deep, primal need for it. So if we do need a common enemy to fight, we need to keep sight of what's truly important here: quilting. Are we really willing to let the entire quilting world go to war against itself and tear apart over politics? I mean, the slime alone could ruin your stash, and then where would you be? Alone and sad, with a slimy stash, that's where.<br />
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I say that we are at a crossroads. We are witnessing a threat to the very fiber of our quilty existence, but we can't exactly unite against politics itself. (See above, re: slime) But we can unite, as quilters—whether conservative, liberal, libertarian, green, socialist, Marxist, or serial killer doo-doo headian—against the real enemy: A Different Crafter Group.
Which one? Doesn't matter! Let's just pick one and start a campaign to trash talk them into oblivion! It'll be fun and cathartic and we can go back to appreciating each other for our beautiful quilts and stop hating each other for manufactured bullshit that has nothing to do with quilting and everything to do with lining someone else's pockets.
Here are some options:<br />
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<br />
<ul>
<li><b>Knitters. </b>So, what the hell is the deal with knitters, right? All they're doing is knotting up a bunch of string with pointy sticks like that actually accomplishes something. I mean all that string doesn't even have any animal motifs on it! You can't exactly slap a deer head on a pile of twine, can you? And do you know what they call it when they screw up and have to unknot a whole bunch of knots? Frogging. So, you know, they're probably all French too. Assholes. </li>
<li><b>Polymer Clay artists. </b>Oh, so you basically fart around with Play-Doh and ruin perfectly good pasta machines, and we're supposed to be impressed? Can your stupid beads keep someone warm? Can you wrap someone in love with your dumb animal figurines? No. No you cannot. Shitheads. </li>
<li><b>Woodworkers. </b>One word, just one: sawdust. Asshats. </li>
<li><b>Hand letterers.</b> Goddamn calligraphers with their fancy pens and and their swirly words that nobody can even read. Since when is that loopy monstrosity an "R", for fuck's sake? Look, just because you <i>can</i> write a Gandhi quote that probably was actually said by Mussolini or somebody in pink princess cake lettering with glitter accents doesn't mean you <i>should</i>. Losers. </li>
<li><b>Cross stitchers.</b> Oooh, look at me, I'm cross stitching: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. I would do some more, but I just bored myself into a coma. Dipshits. </li>
</ul>
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SEE? ISN'T THAT FUN? Just think of the possibilities here. We could start our own not-so-secret Facebook group where we could freely insult our chosen enemy. We could come up with a super cool name, like Several Quilters United Against Bullshit (SQUAB for short) and print up t-shirts and buttons and when we wear them and people ask us about it we can be all, "Oh, it's because I'm against bullying or bake sales or something" but really it's all about hating on the stupid knitters or potters or cake decorators or whatever it is we all finally decide on.<br />
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And if we're really lucky, we'll get them to form their own group to hate on US! Because what's the point of coming up with really clever, funny insults if your target isn't going to cleverly insult you back?<br />
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I'm telling you, this could usher in a new era of peace and understanding. Among quilters anyway. And isn't that what <i>really</i> matters? Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04848601503102752338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8769048173809484225.post-24792433660304350322017-04-13T16:49:00.001-04:002017-04-13T16:49:52.988-04:00The Sea of SerpentsWARNING! Stylized and colorful representations of snakes below!<br />
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<br />
I made a quilt. I call it <i>The Sea of Serpents</i>.<br />
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Are you afraid of snakes? A lot of people are. One day, I was coming home from a walk and I saw a neighbor at my door. I called out to her, and she turned around and said, breathless, "Oh, Megan! Thank goodness! Is David home?"<br />
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"Yeah, he's working from home today."<br />
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"Is he scared of snakes?"<br />
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Now, I actually have no idea whether David is scared of snakes, but I knew he didn't have time to deal with one, so I told her, "I have no idea but I'm not!"<br />
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She told me her husband was out of town and a snake had gotten into their finished basement and she couldn't get it to leave. It had crawled up and into a corner between the fireplace and a wall and nothing she did would make it come down. So I said, okay, let's see what we can do.<br />
<br />
But as we were headed over, my neighbor Sam returned from his run and she saw him. Believing, I suppose, that a man was better equipped to brave the big, bad boa in her den than little old me, she appealed to him for help instead and he, despite being terrified of snakes himself, managed to find some sort of long tong-type things and grab the poor little guy (he was quite small) and toss him out into the backyard. There may have been high-pitched squealing, not by me.<br />
<br />
Sigh. I really wanted to touch the snake.<br />
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There are approximately 2600 species of snakes (that we know of) in the world, and about 400 of those are venomous, or about 15% In the United States, we have about 130 snake species, and 21 of them are venomous, 16%, and these are mainly in the groups of rattlesnakes, coral snakes, water moccasins (also known as cottonmouths), and copperheads.<br />
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It is estimated that roughly 5 people per year in the United States die of snake bite. Five. To work my famous math skills again, that's like a fraction of a fraction of a percent. Now there are somewhere in the range of 1000 to 8000 bites from venomous snakes per year, and that's a slightly bigger percentage of the population, like a bigger fraction of a fraction. (Stop me if all my crazy math is too much.) Even if you get bit, you probably won't die, because anti-venom is readily available.<br />
<br />
And some people want to kill every snake they see.<br />
<br />
The thing is, you have a much greater chance of being hit by lightning or of dying from a bee sting than from a snake bite. Snakes, for the most part, (I can't speak for that one copperhead on my parents' deck that one time—he was looking shifty) aren't sitting around going, WHO CAN I KILL TODAY? Well, they are, but only in a what's-for-lunch sort of way, not in a murder-murder-kill sort of way. They're not legless psychopaths.<br />
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It's very easy to be afraid of every single snake that exists just because a very small number of them will bite you if they think you will do them harm. But we are human. We have consciousness and reason, and we have the capability of ameliorating our own fears through understanding.<br />
<br />
But most of all, if they are not all out to get us (and they aren't), and if they are not a vital food source for us (you can eat snake, but not many do), then I say, let them live. Better yet, let's learn to appreciate them. They really are quite beautiful.<br />
<br />
Especially in quilty form.<br />
<br />
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<i>The Sea of Serpents</i> is an appliqué quilt of my own design. The beautiful longarm quilting was done by Amy Helton, whom you can find on Instagram as <a href="https://www.instagram.com/longarmyogigal/" target="_blank">@longarmyogigal</a>. I am working on a little story that goes along with it and you may not like it. It's not even remotely funny. But when I am done with it I will link to it.<br />
<br />Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04848601503102752338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8769048173809484225.post-40172775984609382522017-03-07T19:58:00.000-05:002017-03-07T19:58:10.013-05:00It will.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
<br />
The comedy gods smiled upon me today.<br />
<br />
One of our toilets started running and the plumber came this morning. He's been here before and is a pretty affable guy. He rooted around in the tank for a while, and seemed to have fixed the problem, but he kept standing there looking at it and shaking his head ruefully.<br />
<br />
"Problem?" I asked.<br />
<br />
"How long have you had this toilet?"<br />
<br />
"Um, we've lived here 8 years—I have no idea how long it was here before that."<br />
<br />
He sighed. "Do you have issues with it? Like, you know, stuff not going down?"<br />
<br />
"Oh yeah, all the time."<br />
<br />
"Well, technically, it's fixed, but I've gotta tell you—you've got an inadequate flapper."<br />
<br />
Dear Reader, I lost it. Just cracked up. And if you know me, you know that I'm actually quite shy in real life and I don't joke around with people I don't know. But I couldn't help myself.<br />
<br />
"Dude! I can't believe you just called my flapper inadequate. That's a hell of a thing to say to a lady. Didn't your momma raise you better?"<br />
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Now he's laughing, but trying to explain why this particular brand and model toilet sucks, and what we should get instead if we ever need to replace it, but all I can do is think about the phrase "inadequate flapper." Finally, he leaves and tells me to have a real nice day.<br />
<br />
"I will! Well, you know, as much as I can with an inadequate flapper." I watch him laugh and shake his head at the strange lady as he walks back out to his truck.<br />
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I tell you all this just to warn you that this phrase may pop up again here and there.<br />
<br />
"Dammit, my machine isn't working right." "Yeah, it's probably an inadequate flapper."<br />
<br />
"When you're paper piecing, shorten your stitch length and make sure your flapper is nice and adequate."<br />
<br />
"Did you hear about the 20s-era woman who couldn't make it as a party girl? She was just an inadequate flapper."<br />
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And, of course:<br />
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"Thanks for the unsolicited dick pic, dude, but it looks to me like you've got yourself an inadequate flapper there."<br />
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So, now you have been duly warned. And you'll know what the hell I'm talking about if it comes up again.<br />
<br />
Which it will.<br />
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Oh, yes. It will.<br />
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<br />Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04848601503102752338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8769048173809484225.post-62665133346376471612017-01-05T13:33:00.000-05:002017-01-05T13:42:00.604-05:00At least the bunnies are on fire<i>Note: I wrote this right after spring Quilt Market LAST YEAR then tucked it away in the drafts folder. My drafts folder is strange place where posts disappear for awhile, then pop up again months later, asking, "Why have you never published me?" Well, I'm publishing you now, little bunny post.</i><br />
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Remember back in my <a href="http://thebitchystitcher.blogspot.com/2016/04/a-new-direction.html" target="_blank">April Fool's post</a> when I said the next animal trend in quilt fabric would be bunnies?<br />
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I WASN'T KIDDING.<br />
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Behold:<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiroqme78A4Jq8yv3pGrzDNA1UByS6TKsT-RNLsklAqySncWM5z_ibeako0HTUciLoHzD3brhBEC0NUqKWIs1iFhMWnfK7V-y7EaxMopd3YzhNYDwIT89RaayUxEEbFQAxq8CGbAYnJbec/s1600/houseofhoppington_vcraft_mmiller.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiroqme78A4Jq8yv3pGrzDNA1UByS6TKsT-RNLsklAqySncWM5z_ibeako0HTUciLoHzD3brhBEC0NUqKWIs1iFhMWnfK7V-y7EaxMopd3YzhNYDwIT89RaayUxEEbFQAxq8CGbAYnJbec/s320/houseofhoppington_vcraft_mmiller.jpg" width="315" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">House of Hoppington - Violet Craft for Michael Miller</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgamwbcV-4q1dzrZkonz6E1vDN1jnMBc9GgBfQ1XIHGVqQryC3d3Tme1DQO1YHbgUMKkT4yh74iv0pNNchEelx_tj3_Q4DQYDFm1jf5vZQ0OezEq26dE-5ASDacmn3X0OLuimXzMgDcYTM/s1600/lunasol_fregina_windham.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgamwbcV-4q1dzrZkonz6E1vDN1jnMBc9GgBfQ1XIHGVqQryC3d3Tme1DQO1YHbgUMKkT4yh74iv0pNNchEelx_tj3_Q4DQYDFm1jf5vZQ0OezEq26dE-5ASDacmn3X0OLuimXzMgDcYTM/s320/lunasol_fregina_windham.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Luna Sol - Felice Regina for Windham</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrRkmvA-jAW-o23930lY68_pf_lglW1XT0aEZMvbqkjdF1uAn16IJ01Mnm1y1afj5EZiSUBGh5jJJUB5JAo96z3Ku_MX1NIaV5IjhmEwvx0wSdKtdOHrwGoCEyxjQQ7tZROb-chLgNbyQ/s1600/nightfall_mcracknell_artgallery.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrRkmvA-jAW-o23930lY68_pf_lglW1XT0aEZMvbqkjdF1uAn16IJ01Mnm1y1afj5EZiSUBGh5jJJUB5JAo96z3Ku_MX1NIaV5IjhmEwvx0wSdKtdOHrwGoCEyxjQQ7tZROb-chLgNbyQ/s320/nightfall_mcracknell_artgallery.jpg" width="319" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Nightfall - Maureen Cracknell for Art Gallery</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikNx859RGcJd4gLVgXpLoq43bl4YXEDPzWBv13ojfrHHYTJsOjQtKtQ70ZeuayASvnvoTuU9FKGl8FfHsqMZ1a1rJh3q-_Clm2pVDusGHGNi3aSANrkLCl2p0N6B7qeTSs37RgPqxqj48/s1600/dutchtreat_betzwhite_rileyblake.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikNx859RGcJd4gLVgXpLoq43bl4YXEDPzWBv13ojfrHHYTJsOjQtKtQ70ZeuayASvnvoTuU9FKGl8FfHsqMZ1a1rJh3q-_Clm2pVDusGHGNi3aSANrkLCl2p0N6B7qeTSs37RgPqxqj48/s320/dutchtreat_betzwhite_rileyblake.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dutch Treat - Betz White for Riley Blake<br />
(okay, it's mostly birds - but the bunnies are in there!)</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsk7EU_QOQlUKJxoT5niIoCAYDbLAdsH3RCVuwUafBBXPeDG-ZVH_tgecyIsS_Y-e4NmjgP_d9M1H_O3P7H55Hb-2d_5gZRhfsLzOyUUWAo1pqx1Cj12c0nzm8vXCrcrafhyphenhyphenOv28expjE/s1600/thicket_gingiber_moda.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsk7EU_QOQlUKJxoT5niIoCAYDbLAdsH3RCVuwUafBBXPeDG-ZVH_tgecyIsS_Y-e4NmjgP_d9M1H_O3P7H55Hb-2d_5gZRhfsLzOyUUWAo1pqx1Cj12c0nzm8vXCrcrafhyphenhyphenOv28expjE/s320/thicket_gingiber_moda.jpg" width="264" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Thicket — Gingiber for Moda</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxyjF0N7DLo7PN4VOe5Skup18QeGUpY6MlPJqJjaLN6NgdMxAXtAybhwnH2tlz7ALv1vLeRXYXXe5KhyphenhyphenhFMlBy4le9a0J9j4QJQ7rhimbXKnWtoUc6feAMNTG-HewFJTSHFn0N4VcZ6PU/s1600/IMG_6415.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxyjF0N7DLo7PN4VOe5Skup18QeGUpY6MlPJqJjaLN6NgdMxAXtAybhwnH2tlz7ALv1vLeRXYXXe5KhyphenhyphenhFMlBy4le9a0J9j4QJQ7rhimbXKnWtoUc6feAMNTG-HewFJTSHFn0N4VcZ6PU/s320/IMG_6415.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Wonderland - Melissa Mortenson for Riley Blake</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3G-LDK9pXH54gBY4sWc9Lo5tAhTWzokoM5-Q2q5Zmiu782qbbYXAaZK4co1YK-39xgc8arf1H75W_Dqa9xvmKAkgxfV_XBLxkvrSEYcxgL04_fsgJxrzqfOlycs8a3BEPsq3hGXbi_1U/s1600/slowandsteady_tpink_freespirit.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3G-LDK9pXH54gBY4sWc9Lo5tAhTWzokoM5-Q2q5Zmiu782qbbYXAaZK4co1YK-39xgc8arf1H75W_Dqa9xvmKAkgxfV_XBLxkvrSEYcxgL04_fsgJxrzqfOlycs8a3BEPsq3hGXbi_1U/s320/slowandsteady_tpink_freespirit.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Slow and Steady - Tula Pink for Free Spirit</td></tr>
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I've been scouring all the photos coming out of Quilt Market this past week (plus, I pay attention in general so I knew about a few of these already) to document all the bunny fabrics I could find that are debuting there. Obviously, I was not disappointed. And for all I know, there are more that I just haven't found yet.</div>
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Now, before everybody starts hippity hopping up my butt about this—<i>I like bunnies just fine</i>. I'm not saying you can't like bunnies. I mean, they're super cute. They're also poop factories with weird pee, but if that's your thing, I ain't judgin'. You can bunny up all your shiz and I will not say ye nay. And all of these fabrics are really quite lovely. I will most likely be getting some of them myself (those first two kinda rock and just the colors on the second one make me swoon). No, this isn't about me rolling my eyes and going, "Ugh, bunnies, amirite?" This is about one thing. I just want to know, I STILL want to know:</div>
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Is there a secret mystery society—a shadowy cabal, if you will—that decides these things? Are there confidential, closed-door meetings where cigars are smoked and whiskey is imbibed and money changes hands in locked briefcases? Is the Next Animal Trend in Quilt Fabric decided via some sort of sinister lottery, or maybe even just by the roll of a solid gold die on the naked belly of a high-priced escort? And then how does the decision about The Final Animal make its way down to the designers themselves? Are all fabric designers given a special phone, one not to be used for any other purpose, that only rings when it is time to be told The Sacred Creature? Or does it happen via subliminal messages, with images of The Chosen Beast placed seemingly at random in the designers' everyday worlds until they are each inspired, nay—COMPELLED to recreate it in quilt cotton? </div>
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Or maybe they all have alien implants. Somebody should check that.</div>
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Now I understand that trends are trendy for a reason. I don't necessarily know what that reason is, mind you, just that in some psycho-sociological study out there I am sure one has been posited. It probably has something to do with feelings of familiarity combined with wanting to feel like a part of a special group combined with apparent novelty plus not wanting to miss out on stuff. Or something. Plus, if it looks like the quilt fabric-consuming public is eating up the rabbits with a spoon, so to speak, then more manufacturers are going to want to get on that—which is why we'll probably see even MORE fluffy bun-buns next year. It's just that, being the curious and cynical sort, I'm truly fascinated by watching the process unfold. I <a href="http://thebitchystitcher.blogspot.com/2014/09/buck-up.html" target="_blank">noted the deer trend</a> only after it had already reached Peak Antler, so I didn't really get to see how and when it started. I didn't know, and couldn't really deduce, if it sprang from one line, one designer, or if, as may be the case here, there was a moment when several people had similar ideas at roughly the same time. Now I have a chance to see if this is truly the beginning of a major cottontail happening—if these rabbits will reproduce like, well, rabbits—and you can rest assured that I will be reporting periodically on this story as it develops.</div>
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For Incredibly Unimportant News Network, I'm Megan D. Good night, and good wabbit hunting.</div>
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<br />Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04848601503102752338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8769048173809484225.post-40694925625224105242016-11-16T11:51:00.001-05:002016-11-16T11:51:19.677-05:00Mini Quilt MadnessThe railing for the upstairs landing of my house has been a quilt display rack and storage spot for some time now, but since my left shoulder froze up it has also become Quilt Top Limbo. My shoulder is starting to improve so I am able to do short periods of rotary cutting now, but I still can't baste or quilt anything much larger than a mini without later wishing for sweet, sweet death to come take me from this living hell.<br />
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I've mentioned my sampler about a bajillion times, I know, and I'm not showing it because I keep thinking I'm going to turn it into a pattern or do a quilt-along with it, or a BOM kinda thing, but I feel like I can't do any of that until it's an actual quilt and not just a top - so that's on the pile.<br />
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Then there's the quilt I made for a friend so I can't show that either and I can't send that one out to be quilted because I am pathological about needing it to have been done by only MY HANDS.<br />
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After I made my <a href="http://thebitchystitcher.blogspot.com/2016/08/make-thing.html" target="_blank">Weird and Wonderful Thing</a>, I decided that I really wanted to make the koi quilt from Casey York's book, <i><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Modern-Appliqu%C3%A9-Illusions-Quilts-Perspective/dp/1607059258/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1479314878&sr=8-1&keywords=modern+applique+illusions" target="_blank">Modern Appliqué Illusions</a>.</i><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHR9aSuK86X0pngjygbLs6IaYLGpc3AMcSrUA6wz4kk9dIyXRWr68NS3DZGukayoCAR29mmJVpIOdJ5RNg1u1l-LHPWrCeOrKro2Ct8kHDyfSc5aRbwLWghFbhutpxultyw3c1rpOrU5E/s1600/IMG_7277.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHR9aSuK86X0pngjygbLs6IaYLGpc3AMcSrUA6wz4kk9dIyXRWr68NS3DZGukayoCAR29mmJVpIOdJ5RNg1u1l-LHPWrCeOrKro2Ct8kHDyfSc5aRbwLWghFbhutpxultyw3c1rpOrU5E/s640/IMG_7277.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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Then Harper felt a Halloween quilt was in order and she really wanted one she had found on Instagram. Turned out to be a <a href="http://www.andoverfabrics.com/Quilts/Chillingsworth's%20Bicycle%20Race.pdf" target="_blank">free pattern from Andover.</a> We scoured our already ample Halloween stash and added a few more pieces and made this:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_PuQkcAM8iCFfiNQCM3cRf_kGd88-z68FqFVbzkJhhLqHCNzaHnKndad3EorHympM2tPSQt8B969qvsBGqJHiMsCfSHtNLA5lWTwB0-cPfn9Xhs-qQBMmfw-wGbvx1TbCGmSNZbVYBP8/s1600/IMG_7315.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_PuQkcAM8iCFfiNQCM3cRf_kGd88-z68FqFVbzkJhhLqHCNzaHnKndad3EorHympM2tPSQt8B969qvsBGqJHiMsCfSHtNLA5lWTwB0-cPfn9Xhs-qQBMmfw-wGbvx1TbCGmSNZbVYBP8/s640/IMG_7315.JPG" width="512" /></a></div>
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So that's four quilt tops just hanging out on my railing. And yeah, I know most of you are rolling your eyes and going, "FOUR quilt tops? That's nothing. I haven't quilted a top since 1974 and several of them have fused together under the weight of them all. I spit upon your puny, unfused collection." But puny as it may be, I still don't like amassing tops I can't finish. My Weird and Wonderful Thing showed me that there's a lot of creativity and satisfaction to be found in smaller projects, so I decided to focus on mini quilts for a while.<br />
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As I have mentioned ad nauseam, Instagram is really becoming my social network of choice. I'm increasingly unhappy with Facebook as both a personal social medium and a business one. Facebook doesn't want to show you my posts unless there's a lot of engagement on them, and they seem to actively suppress posts that they then want me to "boost" by giving them money. I'm not entirely opposed to that, but they keep telling me I have offensive content and though they take my money anyway, my "boost" doesn't reach very far because they're making some sort of super-safe guesses as to who can safely view my extremely incendiary prose. Fucking cockwankers.<br />
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Instagram, owned now by the algorithm-happy folks at Facebook, has historically been a little more straightforward (though even that is changing). And I just like the simplicity of it. Just photographs and comments. No links. (I could go into a long treatise here about why the links on Facebook are detrimental to everyone's well-being, but I'll refrain. We've all been through enough this week.) In fact, Instagram is where I discovered swapping and the joys of mini quilts.<br />
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But like everything that involves people, we can't have nice things. Not for long anyway. I found that some people were being pushed out of swaps because their skills were not as good as many of the other people swapping, and that's where I had to draw a line. But then I also realized that what I really liked about swapping was not so much getting something but being creative within a set of rules set up by someone else. Like, for instance, a Disney-themed swap and the recipient really likes appliqué, Alison Glass fabrics, and the color teal. I like having a set of constraints like that and then seeing what I can do within them to make it fun and challenging for me. I just didn't want to do it from swapping anymore.<br />
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So I came up with an idea I decided to call Mini Quilt Madness. On Instagram, i posted a series of choices, and went with the majority vote. Rather than work in a color scheme, I decided to use one collection, but gave people a choice to vote from four:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhShTC4cDXhxQ1gNCVcOBbXYoAphGvyl7Cnd9YIRC4LHaOY3bsv6IIVgvLCqFtrVaEsmTFij15yjpLQQWYvvnKDCM0GQnVsrZSgFoF1CkYhH-rhA6hcIOGhnZBF0EObUUX17INAN-IXsjg/s1600/IMG_7421.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhShTC4cDXhxQ1gNCVcOBbXYoAphGvyl7Cnd9YIRC4LHaOY3bsv6IIVgvLCqFtrVaEsmTFij15yjpLQQWYvvnKDCM0GQnVsrZSgFoF1CkYhH-rhA6hcIOGhnZBF0EObUUX17INAN-IXsjg/s640/IMG_7421.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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The overwhelming choice was for Sherlock down there on the bottom left (Raindrop by Rashida Coleman-Hale). Then I asked if I should do patchwork, appliqué, or paper piecing and everybody wanted paper piecing, so I gave them several choices and the majority went with <a href="https://www.craftsy.com/quilting/patterns/up-and-away-mini-quilt/320042" target="_blank">Up and Away by Whole Circle Studio.</a><br />
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Now that I had my parameters, I set to work and posted update photos each day.<br />
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But I really felt something, or someone, needed to be riding in that balloon. Something that would really make this little quilt feel like mine.<br />
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So, naturally I added an octopus.<br />
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By the time all was said and done, I had done paper piecing, appliqué, trapunto, embroidery, free motion quilting, and hand quilting. I freaking loved it.<br />
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And then I gave it away.<br />
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Yep. Every time a person participated in one of the choices I offered, their name went in a hat, and when it was all done I chose one and sent the quilt to her. Now there's a lovely lady in Montana who has this hanging in her office, and I couldn't be happier.<br />
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I love making things. I love stretching my creative muscle just a bit farther each time I make something. I don't need to keep everything I make.<br />
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But apparently I do need to put an octopus on it.<br />
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I'll be doing this again soon, so if you aren't following me on Instagram you can find me as <a href="https://www.instagram.com/thebitchystitcher/">@thebitchystitcher.</a> (And yes, you really need a smartphone or tablet.)Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04848601503102752338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8769048173809484225.post-19073019936512104852016-11-03T09:14:00.001-04:002016-11-03T09:14:07.806-04:00A pep talk, in case you need itAs I have mentioned before, I belong to a couple of the big quilting groups on Facebook, and I love them. People get weird on occasion, but for the most part, they are earnest and kind. And no, most of the quilters on these groups aren't creating masterpieces—and that is precisely why I love them. I love seeing people make things just for the love of making them, and doing so according to their own aesthetic, however that aesthetic was developed and even if I don't necessarily share it.<br />
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The other day, I was scrolling along on FB, and I came across this post, which pretty much stopped me in my tracks:<br />
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There were so many things I wanted to say to her, but I knew that, for one thing, any comment would be eventually lost in the sea of comments that flood the posts on these groups. And for another, I had a LOT to say. So I'm going to say them here instead, and maybe my thoughts will work themselves around to her someday, or maybe they'll help someone else who is feeling something similar. Or, maybe I just like hearing the sound of my own...keyboard.<br />
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So, here goes:<br />
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No matter how good a quilter you are, someone will always be better than you. Maybe that person is better than you right now, or maybe they existed 50 years ago, or maybe they haven't been born yet. Maybe they are famous. Maybe no one knows who they are at all. But they're out there somewhere in the space-time continuum, you can be sure of that.<br />
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And the converse is true: No matter how bad a quilter you are, someone out there is worse.<br />
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See, some quilters have natural talents for color and design, and some of those quilters have been able to develop those talents through education. Some quilters have had the luxury of time to be able to practice and practice and practice, and the luxury of money to make endless numbers of quilts that weren't quite good enough until they got it right. Some quilters have access to specialized or higher-quality machines that make some of the more difficult techniques a little easier. Some quilters are able to attend classes and workshops to learn new techniques or improve upon the ones they already know.<br />
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But the key word there? Some. Some quilters.<br />
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Not all.<br />
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Not even most.<br />
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<b>Some.</b><br />
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The internet and social media are distortion fields. They are funhouse mirrors that make some things seem bigger and better than they really are. It can be very easy to scroll through Instagram and Facebook and Pinterest and assume that everybody is creating masterpieces while you are still trying to figure out how to sew in a straight line.<br />
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But let's think about numbers.<br />
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The 2014 Quilting In America survey estimated that there are about 16 million quilters in the United states alone. Sixteen million. And because of the way that survey is conducted, many people believe that a large number of quilters are left out of it, so the number may be even higher. But we'll work with it for now.<br />
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The group on Facebook called "Quilting" has 76,000 members and is, as far as I can tell, the largest such group on FB. Even if ALL the people in that group were expert quilters, they would still only represent .4 percent of the total number of quilters in the US. That's two fifths of one percent (if my math is correct, and I grant you it may not be).<br />
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Instagram quilters are harder to quantify, but let's look at the #quilting hashtag there. A search for that tag pulls up 523,256 posts. Undoubtedly, many of those are multiple tags from the same person, but barring any way to actually check that, let's just assume that it represents 523,256 individual quilters. Who are all better than you. (For the sake of argument.) Those half million quilters still comprise only about three percent of the 16 million.<br />
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And how many people can you even see on Instagram anyway? Even if you looked at a photograph from a different quilter every second for 24 solid hours, you would have seen the work of only 86,400 quilters—.5 percent of the quilters in the U.S.<br />
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In other words, even if you try to start making the assertion that every quilter is better than you, you start to come up against the fact that you cannot actually create a reasonable number of social media users you could potentially be exposed to that even approaches a majority of all the quilters in the country. So, if you are using the images you see on the internet to make yourself believe that a vast majority of quilters are better than you, you are using evidence from a vast minority of all the quilters in the country, not to mention the world.<br />
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I'm throwing all this math at you because I really want this point to get across: the internet is not a window into reality. It's more like a petri dish, where the right things in the right environment will grow and spread. But some of those things will be penicillin and some will be E. coli and it's important to know the difference.<br />
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So where are all the other millions of quilters? Oh, lots of them are online too; it's just impossible to actually come across 16 million of anything. And lots of them are just making their quilts and giving them to friends or family or charities, or keeping them for themselves, and not bothering to set up a photo with soft, reflected natural light on reclaimed barn lumber—a photo which, because of the angle and the distance of the camera from the subject and the fact that you are viewing it on a phone and you really need to update your reading glasses, may conveniently camouflage the fact that none of the points match up, the quilting is kinda herky jerky, the binding didn't actually get sewn all the way down in several spots, and the back has pleats that could double as pockets.<br />
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So many of the quilts we see so artfully photographed online are not as perfect as they seem. How do I know? I've photographed them. As the former art director of a fledgling quilting magazine, I often photographed the quilts for the project pages, and while all the quilts were lovely and perfectly suited for being quilts, none were perfect, and some were very far from it. And those imperfections had to be hidden as much as possible because a magazine is supposed to be aspirational. We don't buy magazines to see images that reflect our reality; we buy them to see images that reflect what we wish our reality could be.<br />
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And when it became possible for individuals to display their own images to thousands, maybe even millions, of people on the internet, people began to gravitate towards those bloggers and Flickrers and now Facebookers and IGers whose photographs of their quilts had that aspirational quality we had depended on magazines for before. We are instinctively drawn towards these pretty, well-lit, almost professional-quality photos, and we just as instinctively scroll past the ones that are too dark, taken on the floor instead of a fence on a misty country lane, most definitely not professionally shot and not professionally sewn either.<br />
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So while it may certainly seem as though, as seen through the lens of an app or a browser, that the entire world is a better quilter than you, it isn't. It couldn't be. The numbers just don't add up. Some are, yes. Maybe lots. But not all.<br />
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I cannot tell you how many times, when I post something about what I have recently made, somebody says, "I could never do that." My own mother once told me she felt bad when she saw what my sister and I have learned to do in quilting because she never advanced that far. And then there's our friend from Facebook up there at the top of this post.<br />
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So to her and to all those people who write to me and tell me they'll never be as good as me, and to my dear departed mom, I have one last point. If you make ANYTHING, you are a magician. A quilt, a table runner, a placemat, a block, even just two pieces of fabric sewn together and dropped on the floor—hell, even one piece of fabric cut out of a larger one—none of these things existed in that form until you brought them into being. You are Minerva freaking McGonagall, transmogrifying fabric and thread until it becomes something new, something that, no matter what it looks like or how skillfully it was constructed, is greater than what its parts were before you brought them together. That's magic. That's art.<br />
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It's okay to make crappy quilts until you make better ones. It's okay to not want to learn how to do blindfolded origami paper piecing. It's okay to like the fabrics and colors that you like. Just the fact that you are creating something is wonderful and worthy of celebration, no matter how many other people in the world are actually "better" or "worse" than you. Just making something as lovely, as warm, as comforting as a quilt is adding a bit of loveliness, warmth, and comfort to a world that, right now, desperately needs those things.<br />
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So, please. Don't give up.<br />
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<br />Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04848601503102752338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8769048173809484225.post-42756532866577822182016-10-04T11:57:00.000-04:002016-10-04T11:57:01.505-04:00Crafty BastardsI do love a good craft fair. I don't go to many, unfortunately, but after our sojourn this past Sunday I'm going to make an effort to go to more. Many craft fairs, I find, are rather stodgy affairs with lots of "safe" crafts. Beaded jewelry. Nature photography. Pleasantly scented soaps. A lot of things involving ducks, for some reason. I always scour these fairs hoping to find that one vendor, often tucked into a dark corner because the organizers aren't sure they belong but needed the booth fee, who actually has a sense of humor. I mean, ducks are nice and all, but give me a good platypus any day.<br />
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Enter the craft fair of my dreams: <a href="http://legacy.washingtoncitypaper.com/craftybastards/" target="_blank">Crafty Bastards</a>.<br />
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Crafty Bastards happens twice a year in D.C. and is devoted to independent, alternative artists. Many of the vendors were local to D.C, Maryland and Virginia but others came from as far away as the west coast. The October event takes place next to <a href="http://unionmarketdc.com/" target="_blank">Union Market</a>, near Gallaudet University.<br />
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I never made it inside Union Market itself—the fair was under tents in an area to the right of the photo—but all indications are that it is a hipster foodie paradise. David took our daughters in there to eat while I wandered the booths and the girls returned utterly offended that the fries they got were sprinkled in ROSEMARY and fried in DUCK FAT. David said they were the best fries he had ever eaten and did not feel sorry for our children's unsophisticated palates in the slightest. There were also food trucks and we were pleased to see a truck from a Baltimore restaurant we've been dying to try: <a href="http://dangerouspiesbalt.com/" target="_blank">Dangerous Pies</a>. We got a slice of chicken pot pie and roasted apple cinnamon chess pie to share and while we weren't calling out to God in ecstasy we did enjoy them very much.<br />
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I was pretty tickled that the very first vendor I saw was <a href="https://residentdesign.co/" target="_blank">Resident</a>.<br />
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Each one of these animal heads is made of folded paper AND they are sold as kits! The pieces are all cut and scored, and they come printed in a way that indicates how to do the folds. The kits come with instructions and a small bottle of glue. They are also expensive—but, c'mon, look at them, totally worth it—and someday, oh yes, one will be mine. But not yet. Because I am a woman who has a deep, abiding love for faux taxidermy of all kinds and I had another maker on my radar:<br />
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<a href="http://zooguu.com/" target="_blank">Zooguu</a>! I've been following Jen Gubicza for a while now on Instagram and when I saw that she was coming to Crafty Bastards, that cemented my plans to come to the show. I even did a quick fabric sale on IG and sold a couple of my beloved Tula pieces so that I would have enough money to get one. I almost brought home a blue narwhal, but then Jen and my husband convinced me to have her make me one in colors of my choosing, so in a couple weeks I will be the proud owner of a lilac narwhal with a silver horn, mounted on wood to be buddies with my beloved Yeti, Grushenka, made by <a href="https://www.etsy.com/shop/YetisAndFriends" target="_blank">Yetis and Friends.</a> Have I shown you my Yeti? If not, this is her. Isn't she the best thing ever?<br />
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And while we're standing there I notice that there are bins of some very interesting prints in front of her counter, and we're all flipping through them, exclaiming about them, and Jen tells us that it's all the work of her husband, <a href="http://goobeetsa.com/" target="_blank">Brian Gubicza</a>. And as I'm flipping through, I hit upon this and any resistance I might have had just dwindled and I knew it had to come home with me:<br />
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This whole craft fair was murder on my wallet. But so many things were JUST SO ME. Such as these 5x7 certificates made with scout badges by <a href="http://snarkyscouts.com/" target="_blank">Snarky Scouts</a>:<br />
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It was a freaking miracle I stopped at four.<br />
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Then I came across <a href="https://www.etsy.com/shop/UglyBaby" target="_blank">Ugly Baby</a>. I knew about Rosalie Gale's work because of a <a href="http://whileshenaps.com/2015/05/tutorial-shower-art.html" target="_blank">post on Abby Glassenberg's blog from 2015.</a> In it, Rosalie wrote about how she and her husband built a business around waterproof rubber shower art. With glitter and tiny letters and little plastic toys, they created these wonderful and hilarious pieces that are meant to hang by an attached suction cup in your shower. How weird and wonderful is that? But then one day, on the site Instructables, someone who was definitely not Rosalie or her husband posted that they really loved these pieces made by Ugly Baby, so much so that she decided to post detailed instructions on how to make something very similar. At first, Rosalie was horrified to see her work used like this, just out there for anybody to do themselves and not buy from her. But then she thought about it and talked to her husband and realized that this wasn't necessarily a bad thing. I urge you to go read the post, because it really made me understand a lot about art and ideas and inspiration and with all the folderol with the MQG and their ill-advised post on derivation, I think Rosalie's conclusions are important.<br />
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SO OF COURSE I HAD TO BUY ONE.<br />
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And put it in my shower.<br />
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Also I have a weakness for notebooks and journals, and bookbindery is a craft I've always wanted to learn. So, I stroll over to <a href="https://www.etsy.com/shop/moonlightbindery" target="_blank">Moonlight Bindery</a> where I discover a book bound in one of my favorite Kokka prints:<br />
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HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO RESIST THAT? That's right—I wasn't.<br />
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I knew at this point I really had to stop. It was getting absurd. But then my youngest, Devon, and I discovered <a href="http://cuddlesandrage.com/" target="_blank">Cuddles and Rage</a>. Sadly, I did not get any pictures at their booth, but their combo of cute and disturbing was right up Devon's alley, so we got her a tiny magnet shaped like a happy stack of pancakes (which she has spirited away already and I can't find it) and this wee little book:<br />
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At this point, I had to declare bankruptcy and stop, plus my kids were tired and getting bored and they had been real troopers, allowing me to see everything at least twice. But there were so many great things and all the makers were such lovely, friendly people it was all I could do not to hug each and every one of them and be all "I ADMIRE YOU SO MUCH." I just love people who throw their creativity out into the world and even dare to try and make a living from it, and I absolutely adore all those who bring a wicked sense of humor to the endeavor. None of the makers I met there really knew it, but they are my people. I'm happy and proud to put some money their way and if I have to have a little less Tula Tree of Life fabric to do so, well then so be it.<br />
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Totally worth it.<br />
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<br />Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04848601503102752338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8769048173809484225.post-387398975813339482016-08-31T10:17:00.000-04:002016-08-31T20:26:45.542-04:00Five out of five stars—would post again!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<i>I am still plugging away at my new humor book, so we're going to revisit another old favorite this week. This was from 2014—TWO YEARS AGO. How in the hell does that happen? Anyway, if you missed it the first time, please enjoy, and if you didn't, I added a whole new bit at the end just for you. </i></div>
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<b>Sew-Rite 6000 Sewing Machine with Extendo-bed</b><br />
2 out of 5 Stars<br />
I bought this sewing machine because it was the first item that came up when I did a search for 'bestest sewing machine ever in the history of the universe' so I trusted that I would be getting a good one. It even has a picture of a country music star on the box, so that was another indicator of quality. I was impressed with how lightweight it was—I mean, why do they make stuff so heavy you have to ask a guy to carry it and then you remember you don't have a guy and then you get all depressed and eat donut holes and write One Direction fan fiction until you pass out? That's not really serving the customer. I also appreciated the inclusion of a box of Sharpies for 'personal customization.' I drew Harry Styles giving me a foot rub. All in all, this was a pretty great machine.<br />
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However, I am only giving it two stars because the country music singer on the box is sleeping with my Harry and I hate her and I hope she dies in a freak sewing machine accident.<br />
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<b>Stitch Master plastic bobbins, pack of 100</b><br />
1 out of 5 stars<br />
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BOBBINS I ONLY NEED 10 BOBBINS NOT A HUNDRED PLEASE MAKE A SMALLER CONTAINER OF BOBBINS SOME OF US DON'T SEW THAT MUCH YOU KNOW<br />
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ALSO THEY SHOULD BE PURPLE. I LOVE PURPLE.<br />
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AND CATS<br />
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<b><i>Making Old Quilt Patterns Look Original</i>, by Trudy McQuilterpants</b><br />
5 out of 5 stars<br />
I was SO excited when my dear, dear friend Trudy sent me a copy of her new book. Since we are such dear, dear friends, I knew this book would be something special. And boy was I right! This book has it all: lots of pictures of quilts draped across sofas, quilt patterns that have been around since time began but are now totally different because they're, like, way bigger and not brown, and writing that doesn't dare to get too interesting. I hope to be famous someday just like Trudy and I totally don't mind that she stole my idea for this book because now I'm sure she'll let me sit by her in our next guild meeting! Call me, Trudy! Love ya!<br />
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<b>6.5-inch square acrylic ruler</b><br />
4 out of 5 stars<br />
This is a great ruler, but I just got a new pattern and I need 4-inch squares. So now I have to buy a new ruler. They should come in a set of ALL the sizes, not just one. Also, does anybody know where to get purse-shaped rulers?<br />
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<b>Blankets-n-Bulges 2015 Calendar</b><br />
1 out of 5 stars<br />
THEY ARE QUILTS NOT BLANKETS. ALSO BULGES APPARENTLY MEANS MUSCLES NOT WANG. DISAPPOINTED.<br />
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<b><i>A Quilt to Remember</i>, by Lavinia Havisham-Toshington</b><br />
2 out of 5 stars<br />
Perhaps Miss Havisham-Toshington is unaware of the long, long tradition of quilt-related fiction into which her novel falls, but someone needs to inform her that in this tradition, people simply do NOT do naked, dirty things with each other. I purchased this novel assuming, as anyone would, that I would be reading yet another wholesome account of how a quilt brought together a community or a family and that my heart would be warmed by a tender account of friendship and potluck suppers. Instead, the only thing warmed was an unmentionable place and I feel violated. I did not appreciate being subjected to several long chapters devoted to extremely energetic couplings between Lance, the gorgeous ne'er-do-well farm hand with a shady past, and Sasha, the beautiful eldest daughter of a cruel man who inherits the family farm and vows to show her father that she can grow corn and milk cows and save the land from foreclosure while lusting after a man she knows she shouldn't want but does anyway. The only reason there's a quilt in the title is because there's an old one in the barn and they keep explicitly fornicating on it instead of quietly going into a bedroom after getting married and then not talking about it like normal people. I had to buy the entire series just to see if they were all as bad and they certainly are. In fact, I have to keep reading them over and over because I honestly can't believe people like this stuff and maybe I'm missing some redeeming aspect of the story, but it's all just bosoms and buns and hay bales. I would have given this zero stars, but I imagine some of those "modern" quilters might like this.<br />
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<b>Grip-Tite Finger Covers for Free Motion Quilting</b><br />
3 out of 5 stars<br />
To be honest, I bought these without really looking at the picture because they were recommended by someone at my guild, who shall remain nameless. (DONNA.) All she said was they were grippy things that go on your fingers to help you hold on to the quilt, but she failed to mention that they are actually super-short condoms. I mean, they don't have a reservoir tip or anything, but they are basically rainjackets for cocktail weenies. I have no idea whether they grip as advertised, because frankly I can't get past my hands looking like some sort of phallic bouquet. And I probably shouldn't mention this, but I threw them in the garbage can and my husband, Chet, found them and accused me of having an affair with our neighbor, Tom, and I can't quite figure out why he singled out Tom but I'm guessing it might have something to do with the size of Tom's, um, <i>tool—</i>and now that I possibly know this I can't face him but he's always out watering his tomatoes and so I can never leave the house again. Plus, HOW WOULD CHET KNOW? So, I'm sure this is a fine product, but I'm docking two stars because I'm pretty sure a quilting notion shouldn't make you question your life choices.<br />
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••••••••</div>
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<span style="color: #674ea7;">You can read a whole book of my humor columns from my years at <i>Quilter's Home </i>and <i>Generation Q </i>magazines, <i>Quilting Isn't Funny</i>. <a href="http://thebitchystitcher.blogspot.com/p/shop.html" target="_blank">Get a signed copy or a PDF here</a> or order from <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Quilting-Isnt-Funny-collection-threadful/dp/149360659X/ref=sr_1_1_bnp_1_pap?ie=UTF8&qid=1399299585&sr=8-1&keywords=quilting+isn%27t+funny" target="_blank">Amazon (paperback and Kindle editions available</a>.)</span><br />
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<br />Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04848601503102752338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8769048173809484225.post-81569288100433072842016-08-22T14:16:00.000-04:002016-08-22T14:16:03.588-04:00Make The ThingI MADE A THING!<br />
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Kind of a weird thing.<br />
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BUT I LOVE MY WEIRD THING.<br />
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I think.<br />
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See, last week, I picked up this book:<br />
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I bought it because I really wanted the squirrel pattern you can see in the top left corner of the cover, designed by Jennifer Dick, one of my favorite pattern designers. I already have a pretty comprehensive book on appliqué, and I've done just about every method there is, with varying degrees of success. I have always preferred hand appliqué, whether needle-turn or edges turned over a template. I liked the way, with thin thread and tiny stitches, you can make the shapes and designs almost invisibly attached to the fabric. Fusible appliqué always felt like cheating, yet I would occasionally see pieces that use it to pretty great effect. Then I'd try it again, and I'd hate it.<br />
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But for some reason, the projects in this book that used fusible just...spoke to me. In particular, Casey York has a broderie perse quilt with a wreath of flowers that is pretty stunning. (Broderie perse is a form of appliqué where you cut out the printed motifs from a piece of fabric and then stitch them to another piece. If there is enough background fabric around the motif, you can cut a seam allowace around it and then turn the edges under and hand sew. Or, you can cut right along the edge of the motif and use fusible.) There was also a spotlight on Bari J. Ackerman, and it showed a gorgeous broderie perse pillow she made, where the motifs were all layered on top of one another like a collage, with free motion quilting highlighting the shapes. I don't know why, but something went off in my head when I saw these. (SOMETHING'S BEEN OFF IN YOUR HEAD A LONG TIME, HONEY) I had an idea, and more than enough fabric to try it, and I also had drugs.<br />
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Pretty much the same day I got the book, I threw my back out. As far as I know, the two events were not related, but who can say? So my doc loaded me up on painkillers and muscle relaxers for a few days, and I really had nothing to do and yet a bizarre ability to focus on something exacting. That part may have been from the steroid. In any case, despite the fact that I <a href="http://thebitchystitcher.blogspot.com/2014/09/buck-up.html" target="_blank">once ruminated </a>(HA) on the proliferation of deer fabrics in Quiltland, one particular deer fabric was special to me and I happened to have a LOT of it:<br />
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In all three colorways, natch.<br />
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So, I had a vision of these deer heads, but I didn't realize until I started cutting just how complex their design is. So, I simplified it and removed the parts that were simply too small to cut:<br />
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Once I had several of these, I started arranging them in a circle. It took a lot of trial and error to find the right number and size.<br />
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Then I wanted to see if I could add more. I chose the red/pink colorway and added those. Then there was the fun process of transferring what I had done by pinning on foamcore board to fabric, but with drawign lots of lines and guides with a handy blue pen, I got it perfect and ironed it all down.:<br />
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(And I'm going to pause here and say that Pelon 805/Wonder Under is the shit. It's really nice and flexible and easy to use.)<br />
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Once I had it on the background fabric, I had to quilt it. I pretty much punted on the background and just did a small stipple. I was afraid with my back and shoulder problems, I wouldn't be able to do even that, but it turns out I can handle small pieces fine, just not full quilts. Then I went over each dear head with free motion as well, but just along the edges to keep everything secure and to give the heads a little pop:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9mVfCvRk0rG2zNvCqolHALZFFhz7jE0zN27oFI4wq110fQqB026z97HLdpFXEK81ZSk_2DNfQmy9aLJx0lUsTJLEK87kwnBUDUG2eqVCrVrX5FLkXLRn_dt8m8-CHvhOuvgRuv8qBVWQ/s1600/IMG_7035.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9mVfCvRk0rG2zNvCqolHALZFFhz7jE0zN27oFI4wq110fQqB026z97HLdpFXEK81ZSk_2DNfQmy9aLJx0lUsTJLEK87kwnBUDUG2eqVCrVrX5FLkXLRn_dt8m8-CHvhOuvgRuv8qBVWQ/s640/IMG_7035.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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The binding is another Tula print from the same collection, though it may just look black here.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizJvefP465cNYfNH2pavv0VmpHNYDoUNkaaYAmazbh2sX1v7EppObWIcoQMED3c8Gg0AzKexFfQIBrX9-p94vgQEXhavBrgZo9UOzxrdVoFOwV3s3vbXDQJYCawF8NfC-HpKhjhyphenhyphenosdUU/s1600/FullSizeRender+10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizJvefP465cNYfNH2pavv0VmpHNYDoUNkaaYAmazbh2sX1v7EppObWIcoQMED3c8Gg0AzKexFfQIBrX9-p94vgQEXhavBrgZo9UOzxrdVoFOwV3s3vbXDQJYCawF8NfC-HpKhjhyphenhyphenosdUU/s640/FullSizeRender+10.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3n7Os1jTdERzo0GdxIJTYfjtkV6EyqLHzZp3lVAYcIelH1DtFizVKIPln6gALhDggDDrGqgoW2cPUHL_rCUSDoB0giVh0xicQoOxhKpkECbsK2x1upnlmxz3a2G1kWiNfhWYgNzIHiWY/s1600/IMG_7038.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3n7Os1jTdERzo0GdxIJTYfjtkV6EyqLHzZp3lVAYcIelH1DtFizVKIPln6gALhDggDDrGqgoW2cPUHL_rCUSDoB0giVh0xicQoOxhKpkECbsK2x1upnlmxz3a2G1kWiNfhWYgNzIHiWY/s640/IMG_7038.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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It was so incredibly satisfying to work on this, to see what was in my head coming into being. It's far from perfect of course, and definitely strange. But it's mine and I love it.<br />
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I think.<br />
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Now I have a whole bolt of Wonder Under and a pair of easy-on-the-hands spring-loaded scissors, and I'm ready to try more things. Sometimes, when you get a thing in your head, you just have to make the thing. Even if you're not quite sure of the thing when you're done. But if you have a thought, and you have the tools, the answer is always: Make The Thing. It may not be a masterpiece, but it just may be the first step towards one.<br />
<br />Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04848601503102752338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8769048173809484225.post-84118797564914913262016-08-11T12:51:00.000-04:002016-08-11T12:51:58.501-04:00Happy Frothy-Blevinth to Me!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2py-gBiKnUiY15Ay8H8XxGJgWDDBFMW3rLaQ5Hvz7kUs2cw3GkgprjW9TM7Ksud1TGRpGagVBH99bvbh_hPMPXA9sQT8AoSx5241tAOtcPiv-CxXjuhJdEcUIuWLt2Gv1iRfWfJ4GvoY/s1600/marilyn.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2py-gBiKnUiY15Ay8H8XxGJgWDDBFMW3rLaQ5Hvz7kUs2cw3GkgprjW9TM7Ksud1TGRpGagVBH99bvbh_hPMPXA9sQT8AoSx5241tAOtcPiv-CxXjuhJdEcUIuWLt2Gv1iRfWfJ4GvoY/s1600/marilyn.jpg" /></a></div>
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Tomorrow (Friday) is my 47th birthday, and it feels a little weird because I somehow thought I had turned 47 last year and would now be 48, but in reality I am turning the age I thought I was for an entire year and that seems anticlimactic. But whatevs—happy forty-somethingth birthday to me!<br />
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The other major milestone I have reached recently is 1000 followers on Instagram. I KNOW, RIGHT? I can tell by your eye rolls you are totally impressed. And why wouldn't you be? One thousand IG followers is...well...OK, it's pathetic, frankly. There are quilters who mainly post pics of their cats shedding all over something vaguely quilty and they have a billion and six followers, so I'm clearly not trying very hard, or I am trying really hard and totally sucking at it. One of those.<br />
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But I don't care! I want to celebrate it anyway, because 1000 is such a nice round number, and because I like to exaggerate my accomplishments whenever possible to shore up my self-esteem. If you are on Instagram, and want to follow along with the incredible festivities, you can find me by searching for @thebitchystitcher or go here: https://www.instagram.com/thebitchystitcher/ or click on the INSTAGRAM rectangle over on the upper right of the sidebar here on the blog. (You still have to follow me once you get there; just clicking the link doesn't do it.) Starting on Friday, August 12—the day I turn frothy-blevin and a half, or something—I will start 5 days of photo challenges. It will start on Friday, take the weekend off—because I will undoubtedly be too busy being smothered with cake and presents to bother with social media—and resume Monday through Thursday.<br />
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Each day will have a new photo challenge. If you post a picture based on the challenge, hashtag it with the tag provided for that day. You will need to check my IG feed each morning to get the new challenge and the new tag. Each time you post a new picture, you get an entry to win a prize at the end of the contest. People who participate in ALL FIVE challenges get 5 extra entries on top of however many they already have. The challenges are fairly simple and straightforward, but if you also make me laugh with your entry or your caption, you get an extra entry as well.<br />
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So, what am I making you do all this super hard work to potentially win?<br />
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Fabric, natch. You will get a giant fat quarter tower of Sunnyside by Kate Spain:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPG98gvEZP3kFJPDDlho_ufiSObE6lFB-TyVNG9BBMOPd9Vb8k6VA_dk0hs9G_U9RaWAobCOQV3avytnhjeOH8pONQrabTIOHV1CiHsmRqkNwPVbl0o9Etg6V_UGdZ6nKH4UXUfkYlw5Q/s1600/IMG_6863+2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPG98gvEZP3kFJPDDlho_ufiSObE6lFB-TyVNG9BBMOPd9Vb8k6VA_dk0hs9G_U9RaWAobCOQV3avytnhjeOH8pONQrabTIOHV1CiHsmRqkNwPVbl0o9Etg6V_UGdZ6nKH4UXUfkYlw5Q/s640/IMG_6863+2.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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AND—because I love you all so much—you will get a genuine Mark B. heat-activated, ironing board cover:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxax4hUjoYGMc9dykak1CJ78jlhxWEbTLLZMM8UQxdHTWcPWnc1SZEbaVcehg5WAgFe-DZIA25-RQDfslStei2o2noSufGeQLJPWlRvulo6lKnWcYFOg_FgIPZZ-DkS-cfDlksDqjkNDk/s1600/IMG_6929.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxax4hUjoYGMc9dykak1CJ78jlhxWEbTLLZMM8UQxdHTWcPWnc1SZEbaVcehg5WAgFe-DZIA25-RQDfslStei2o2noSufGeQLJPWlRvulo6lKnWcYFOg_FgIPZZ-DkS-cfDlksDqjkNDk/s640/IMG_6929.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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I KNOW, RIGHT? I can tell by your eye rolls you are totally impressed. Mark B's little pelvic drape there magically disappears when you iron over it. If you really need to see what's under it, you can <a href="http://thebitchystitcher.blogspot.com/2011/04/so-totally-not-safe-for-work-or-my-dad.html" target="_blank">go here for a nice close-up</a>. (I have no idea if any of the links on that page still work - that post is from 2011!!).<br />
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In addition to the fabric and the magic ironing board cover, I will include anything else I come across here in my sewing room that will fit in the box. Might be more fabric, chocolate, some Post-Its - who knows!<br />
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Now, <b>I have to limit this to U.S. only.</b> I'M SORRY, YOU GUYS. Postage for a package like this to the great beyond is just more than I can afford, and it's not because I don't love you or that I am just cheap. I'm guessing this will require a medium flat rate box at best and that is $75 to ship to Australia. SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS. I might as well just fly it over in a private jet. Sheesh.<br />
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So, to recap, here is the contest:<br />
1. Follow me on IG: @thebitchystitcher You must be a follower to enter.<br />
2. Check my IG feed on these days:<br />
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<ul>
<li>Friday, August 12</li>
<li>Monday, August, 15</li>
<li>Tuesday, August 16</li>
<li>Wednesday, August 17</li>
<li>Thursday, August 18</li>
</ul>
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On those days, I will post (on Instagram) the new challenge and the hashtag. Post a picture (ON INSTAGRAM) according to the challenge and use the hashtag. Each picture is one entry. Post as many as you wish, as long as they meet the challenge and include the hashtag.<br />
3. Anyone who posts for all five challenges gets five extra entries.<br />
4. Anyone who makes me laugh gets an extra entry.<br />
5. Reposting is fine to let people know, but does not get you anything.<br />
6. Open to U.S. residents only or to anyone who happens to have some kind of U.S. mail drop.<br />
7. Winner will be announced as soon as possible after Thursday. It may take some time to properly tally the entries but I'll announce as soon as I can.<br />
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And don't worry, non-Instagram-using people. I will have more fun for you here on the blog and on Facebook this fall.<br />
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<br />Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04848601503102752338noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8769048173809484225.post-2175407485049865922016-08-05T11:12:00.000-04:002016-08-05T11:12:28.611-04:00Movement<div class="MsoNormal">
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<i>A few days ago, the powers that be at The Modern Quilt Guild decided to school the troops about copyright and derivation and inspiration, and it's becoming a big mess as people are trying to decide whether to be insulted or pleased. I have many thoughts about the post, which are complicated and not amusing in the slightest, and which, frankly, bore me to tears just thinking about. So, I'm gonna just stay over here in my pillow bunker and do my thing and ignore the drama. But</i><i> in case you missed it the first time, here is my ode to clubs, groups, cliques and movements:</i></div>
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I believe that we are on the verge of a new movement in quilting, a revolution in the way we think about and construct quilts, and this movement is growing, ready to burst forth and take over the quilting world. As a pioneer of this movement, I feel it is necessary to define what this movement is and place all kinds of legal restraints on the name of it so I can start suing anybody who tries to horn in on my completely new and original movement. I also plan to say ”movement” a lot.</div>
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I’m talking about, of course, Traditional neo retro post-industrialist modern punk quilting, or TNRPIMPQ for short.</div>
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TNRPIMPQ began in the streets of Hoboken and the backyard of a modest rancher in Tuscon. It was essentially a reaction to the reactions to modern quilting which all went, “So what? I’ve been making ‘wonky’ blocks ever since I had that unfortunate power drill injury back in ’92 but no one ever called my quilts a movement.” This made many quilters roll their eyes and reach for the tequila, but others responded by trying to get all academic and shit and this made the tequila drinking eye rollers huddle up in dark corners muttering about wanting to be left alone to quilt in peace.</div>
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These eye-rolling, tequila-drinking, huddle-muttering quilters began to slowly organize, though they were still considered an underground movement since none of them got quilts accepted into QuiltCon. And when I say, “organize,” what I mean is, “not give a good goddamn.” Several leaders in the movement briefly considered starting up, at the very least, a Facebook page where quilters could frankly not give a shit together, but then realized that someone would have to make up a rule or two and that this would quickly turn into fascism. The Facebook idea was scrapped, and while some members went back to bitching in private, others kept up a campaign of loud, vocal apathy.</div>
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Splinter groups quickly formed as some quilters professed a firm belief in “doing it right” and others espoused a more relaxed philosophy of “if it doesn’t fall apart when you breathe on it, it’s good.” This led to the Great Hissy Fit of 2013, but the many ruffled feathers were smoothed over when it became clear that even <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">American Quilter</i> magazine was being taken over by Kona solids.</div>
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Then, in 2014, as more people started to realize that arbitrary rules made up by a very small number of self-appointed people were extremely restrictive and that bitch-slapping each other over the internet about whose quilts followed those rules was rather childish, membership of TNRPIMPQ began to surge, except nobody actually knew they were a member because I hadn’t told them so yet. As of right now I am guessing there are at least 10 or 12 of us, and if that isn’t a movement, I don’t know what is.</div>
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In order for a quilt to fall under the aegis of the TNRPIMPQ movement, it must:</div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span></span>be made of fabric</div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span></span>and thread</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span></span>batting should maybe be in there somewhere too</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span></span>be your own design</div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span></span>or someone else’s</div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span></span>have a coherent composition</div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span></span>or look like it came out of a meat grinder</div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span></span>use lots of negative space</div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span></span>or lots of positive space</div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span></span>or no space whatsoever, if you can wrap your head around that</div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span></span>be used on a bed</div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span></span>or a couch</div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span></span>or a dog crate liner</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span></span>or as a wall hanging</div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span></span>or whatever the hell you goddamn want</div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span></span>seriously, mop the floor with it if you want, it’s still a quilt</div>
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<span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">-<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span></span>be utterly free from any expectation or limitation except what you put on it yourself</div>
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And it must, without question, make YOU happy.</div>
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But if it also has an octopus on it, then it’s extra-TNRPIMPQ-y. Because I said so.</div>
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Movement.</div>
Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04848601503102752338noreply@blogger.com0