Monday, November 23, 2009

Commedia dell'quilte

Ever since I realized that a few people were actually reading this blog, some on a semi-regular basis, I have been anticipating the arrival of my insane, hateful blog stalker. Not because I assume that I will achieve such heights of notoriety that I will inspire obsession the way Justin Timberlake and oh, I don't know, Charo do. But those of us who troll the net often enough know that it is a magnet for the, um, socially impaired. Not having to actually face the individuals with whom they wish to interact allows them a certain freedom of expression they might not otherwise indulge, and because they are also cracked out, this expressiveness tends to be somewhat hostile.

So, of course, I post pictures of myself giving the camera the finger. It's like I'm trying to coax my insane blog stalker out of hiding. But I suspect that "Anonymous," who commented, "Nice thimble - time to move on," is probably the closest I'll get. Sorry, Anonymous, I'm just a crazy rebel! You never know what profane, sacrilegious shit I'll come up with next! Like this:

Okay. It's not exactly profane or sacrilegious. But it is ugly! My oldest daughter likes to design quilts with me using markers or colored pencils and graph paper, and most of the time I can pretend that we just don't have enough fabric on hand to make it, but this time we did, and she knew it. it's not very big, maybe 30x30 or so, and will make a nice quilt for her stuffed animals or something. But, man, was it a bitch to make. I've decided that I just fucking hate triangles. I wanted to make a pinwheel quilt, and even cut all the pieces for it, but when I started making the pinwheel blocks, realized that each block was going to have a rock hard lump in the center. I tried pressing the seams every way to Sunday, but nothing made much of a difference. How would I quilt that? With a jackhammer?

So, still bored with the square and rectangle constraints of my usual quilts, I decided to go improv:

A perfect 6x6 square, all in yummy batiks, all sewn slapdash and hodgepodge and lackadaisical. I LOVE IT. I can't wait to make a whole quilt this way; it's so freeing and fun and fast, and that was too many f-words, but you get it. Fucking fabulous.



P. said...

Now see, I actually like that green and, uh, apricot? number there. It has a vintage-y feel to it, which I love.

Just made a pinwheel baby quilt myself and there is a trick to that lumpy center thing. You have to loosen (unpick) a couple threads where it joins together in the center on the back, so one seam can be pressed one way and the other the other direction. If you've done it right, you'll end up with a mini pinwheel in the middle of the square in the back. I tried to find a link because this is a visual thing but couldn't real quick. If you'd like, I can scan and email you something from a book I think I have.

Megan said...

Oooh! if you don't mind doing that, I'd be forever in your debt!

Leah Day said...

Ha! I've gotten my share of hateful comments, but once I disabled anonymous commenting they've all gone away.

It's a shame...I was really hoping they would stick around long enough for me do a blog post showcasing their nasty insanity.

I like the design of your daughter's quilt, but maybe not the fabrics. Of course you can always remedy this with heavy quilting in bright thread. It'll make even the ugliest fabrics shine!

As for your free form block - I'm in love with it too. Make a whole quilt! I can't wait to see it.



Tina said...

That quilt is profane, and you are an EVIL person, using the tool of EVIL that is tinterweb to spread your EVIL message!

Does that help at all? I'm new to stalkerville - does my message need more evil, maybe?!

Although, the quilt - while clearly it has fans - seriously, I think that making you make this quilt is worse than all her tantrums put together (easy for me to say, I don't have to live with her!!!)

Anonymous said...

Dare I say, I love scrappy (no thinking or planning) quilts. I can take whole day just sewing those blocks and never think a single thought.

soggybottomflats said...

I think Eleanor Burns does this unpick thing to make the back of it a mini pinwheel. I used to watch her show but now it's on in the middle of the nite on RFD TV. Although, my dh makes fun of her talking DURING THE ENTIRE EPISODE, she does have some cool tricks. I now watch lots of CSI to try and figure out ways to kill dh and not get caught! Nice thimble, loved it.

Joyce said...

I tried the spiral thing on the back of my pinwheels on my last quilt. I was only successful part of the time. I'm much happier making blocks like your last one. I am nearly done a quilt using this style of piecing.

Sarcastic Quilter said...

First and foremost, I'm not "anonymous" but I suppose I am a socially impaired internet troller and now I'll just have to find ways to make you notice me and my comments more becaus of your blatent disregard for my feelings in your assumptive characterization of those of us who troll along and post comments to your bitchy little blog.

I do have an answer for your question. Swirls and/or circles that strategically NEVER cross a corner. Alternatively, I had this issue with a pinwheel quilt with a fleece back a bit ago (it's somewhere on my blog) and I quilted arced lines on the triangles stopping at the corner. It was easy to get into the corner but not out with the bulge. There's no reason you couldn't do arcs so they create a pointed oval over each of the seams. did that make any sense to you?

Megan said...

I didn't say EVERYBODY was an anti-social troll. Just that there is surely one loony bird out there with my name on it and I'm just waiting for it to show up!

Vicki W said...

OK, that quilt really is hideous but that block is awesome! I like the nested "F"s effect and makes it truly a Fucking Fabulous blocks!

KateKwiltz said...

I guess you had to learn the hard way like the rest of us: triangles suck no matter what you do. You've reached another milestone in your quilting evolution! Congratulations!

Sarcastic Quilter said...

Okay, now wait, was my post dripping with so much sarcasm you had a brief moment of concern I meant it? Just because this is the internet and I like you enough that I don't want you to start removing my comments, I have to say you just can't take me seriously. ;)

Lisa B said...

I am mid-way through a quilt made similar to your scrappy block! It was fabulously fun and freeing. My fabrics aren't as cool as your batiks (I was literally using random scraps that I'd gotten a random bag of scraps from someone else), but together they look pretty neat. I'm excited to get it finished and quilted!

Good luck with your F-in' quilt!

Anonymous said...

I am " anonymous " and I only said to get on with it cuz I love reading your blog and am disappointed when there is no new posting !
I like to start my day with coffee and your wit and wisdom !

QuilterBridget said...

You know, as soon as I saw the "ugly" quilt top, my first thought wasn't "ugly" at all, but rather, "OH BOY!". I LOVE to machine quilt using superfun threads (Superior Threads are my absolute favorites!), and there is a King Tut color that I think would work really well. I recently made an ugly quilt, but I quilted the hell out of it (it's stiff now) just because I figured I couldn't screw it up any more than it already was. So, my suggestion is to finish it...quilt the crap out of it with some super cool thread!

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Megan said...

Oh, crap. Am I gonna have to do comment moderation now?