Wednesday, September 24, 2008

4 down - 53 to go

Despite the fact that Week 2 in the Bitchy Stitcher Diet Plan was a total failure, I have gotten back on track this week and am down a total of 4 pounds. I don't really know what happened last week except that my little one, Devon, appeared to be teething again, and her black, black moods simply ruined everything we all tried to do. I think I still managed to keep my snacking down, though honestly I don't remember much of the week at all, except for a small girl crying and throwing fits. But I've been determined to get back on track this week, and I made it to the gym both Monday and Tuesday.

Although I love my gym - love the childcare, love the showers - there are always moments there that make me cringe, that make me almost sorry I showed up that day. On Monday there were two women in the showers at the same time as me, obviously friends, and they were talking about those pesky 5 pounds that they just can't seem to lose. One woman was going to try to do a liquid diet for two weeks, while the other was extolling the virtues of a diet doctor another friend had seen (the upshot appeared to be that he prescribed amphetamines). Of course I took a peek at these obscenely flabby women as they were leaving, and, of course, another 5 pounds off of either of them and they would have slid down the shower drains.

I have probably seen a total of 2 women at the gym who look like me - and, yes, that includes me. I know the point of losing weight is for my health, so that I don't end up diabetic and needing artificial knees like my mother, so that I can play with my girls without getting winded and needing a nap. But I have to admit that a large part of my motivation is also just wanting to fit in again. I hate being the only fat mom at the playground, the only fat woman on the block, the only fat woman in the grocery store (no lie - I look all the time). I hate that what everyone sees when I leave the house is not the way I see myself.

When I look in the mirror, this is what I still expect to see:

or this:

but not this. I don't know who this is:


Cornbread and Beans Quilting said...

One pound at a time sister!! 4 pounds is awesome. I mean, you just lost the equivalent of one of those ladies in the shower off your thigh!!


Linda said...

I took all the full length mirrors out of our home! :D I just couldn't stand seeing myself anymore! In 3 years I have gained 50!!! pounds! I met an old friend the other day and she did a double take! I think she was wondering if she should ask me if I was expecting! LOL
Congratulations on losing 4 pounds!! Every step no matter how little to you, is one step closer!!

MYRA said...

A loss, IS a loss, no matter how small. You fall of the wagon, you get back on the next day. Eventually you will succeed!
I managed to loose 25 pounds 4 years ago, along with my daughter that lost 40. Now, I am up 30 again, and she is up more than that... it is a struggle, but so worth it when you get there... Got s__t from my doc at my physical checkup about the weight gain, so I am psyching myself up to get back on that wagon again. Daughter is game. I know what needs doing, its just doing it that is the problem... 8-/