Friday, June 1, 2012

The 2013 Quilter's Shirtless Man and Spicy Burrito Calendar

Ladies and gentlemen, it's time.

Time to turn to the man in your life, or to yourself if you are a bachelor, and offer whatever financial, culinary, or sexual favors you must to get that man to pose on/in/near a quilt, shirtless, while holding a burrito.

For anybody new to this blog, this is what the calendar is about:

It started out, as nearly everything in my life does, as a joke. On my professional web site,, I said on my bio page that I had been lucky enough to combine two of my great loves—quilting and writing—into one career, but that someday I wanted to gather all of my passions into one publication: Quilter's Shirtless Man and Spicy Burrito Monthly. Being the thrifty humorist that I am, I recycled the joke on the blog, made a pinboard on Pinterest devoted to the concept, and soon readers began suggesting that if I didn't mind potbellies and fur, they'd take a photo of their own personal man-companions bare-chested, be-quilted, and, well, holding a burrito. And I counter-offered: if I get 12 such photos, I'll make us a calendar. I got 14. I made us a calendar. I decided that I wanted to make this calendar a fund-raiser for my brother's family. My big brother is fighting brain cancer and has been since January of 2010. I hope that I can give him and his family both a little extra money, to help ease some of the burdens this illness has brought them, but also maybe a laugh as well.

I was able to raise $1000 last year, and this year I hope to double it. We're starting a few months early, so with luck that will allow for more sales before everybody stops buying calendars after December 31.

Here is everything you need to know about submitting your beastie-boy to the 2013 QSMASBC:

• This is a calendar that celebrates ALL our guys, not just the ones that are cut and ripped. If your man-companion is hesitant because he thinks his Buddha-belly isn't welcome, just show him the pictures from last year's edition (see below).

• Nudity is not required, but shirtlessness is. HOWEVER - I am more than happy to consider any and all submissions that have naked booty. I will consider them very, very closely, spending long hours determining their artistic value. If you decide to go for full frontal, I'm afraid I'd have to put a modesty quilt patch over his personal burrito, but I think that would be awesome, too, so go for it if you want.

• There must be a quilt in the photo. The gentleman can be lying on it, wrapped in it, contemplating it as it hangs on the wall before him, or even making it himself.

• The gentleman must be holding a burrito. But please ask him not to begin eating the burrito during your photo shoot. We want to see his lovely face in all it's glory, not with his maw wide open, stuffing in a steak-n-chorizo special.

• I would love to promise that your photo will be in this year's calendar, but I just can't do that. Lots of people who didn't do last year have expressed interest, and I want everybody to have a chance to participate if they want. Last year, I got exactly 14 entries and I made them all fit. If I manage to get significantly more than that this year, I will have to pick the ones I consider to be the best. So, if you were in last year, and want to be in again, just make sure your photo is so epically awesome there's no way I can't not choose it.

• If you can take your photo outdoors, please do. Natural light will produce the best photos.

• Be sure to take your photo in a horizontal, not vertical, orientation.

• Use the highest quality setting on your camera and send in the full-size file. Photo files that have been reduced in size by programs such as Picasa for ease in emailing cannot be used. The file you attach should probably be at least a couple megabytes if not more.

• Email your photos to me at dontdrinkandquilt (at) gmail (dot) com.

• If your photo is chosen, I will ask you to sign an agreement that basically says I can use your picture in the calendar and for whatever promotional needs I have and you can't sue me for a million dollars. Or even a buck fitty.

• The deadline for entries is July 15, 2012.

And please, please, please, if you can - tell everyone you know about this post and about the project and encourage them to post about it as well. You can even use this handy button and link it back to this post so that everyone will know you are a supporter of half-naked men holding Mexican food near a patchwork blanket.

Below you will see all the photos from the 2012 edition, so you can assure your man that he does not have to be all muscle-bound to be perfect for the QSMASBC.

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