Monday, June 18, 2012


The sale is over. If you bought over the weekend, or if I've been holding anything for you, your stuff will go out today. Unless you are Canadian and then your stuff will go out tomorrow because I have to fill out customs forms and actually haul my carcass out to the post office.

Thanks, everyone, for playing along and helping to pad my meager bank account this summer.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Fabric sale, Part 4

It's half-yard bundle day!  I've got Blackbird Designs, Sweetwater, Jane Sassaman, and Laurel Burch! As usual, international buyers will get billed for the balance of their shipping charge. And you have to tell me to hold your order if you want me to combine shipping.

Pinkies Up Bundle

You know what I'm talking about. If you want to be FANCY, put your pinky up. And this shit right here is FAN. CEE. This is what Camilla Parker Bowles Manstealer Windsor the Eighth uses to wipe up Corgi pee when mummy-in-law comes to visit. So, what British royalty considers to be the equivalent of cut-rate paper towels is actually fancy-schmancy rich people stuff over here in the U. S. of A. So, be fancy. And schmancy. And put your damn pinky up—you look like a commoner.

6 half-yards. The flower prints all seem to be Coventry by Hoffman and the green pebbles and the stripe are P&B or Timeless Treasures or something like that. Fancy, though.

Pinkies Up Half Yard Bundle: $20.00 + $9.00 shipping


Lake Trout Sandwich Bundle

These are all (or mostly, anyway) from the Baltimore Beauties collection by P&B Textiles. Did you know that up in Baltimore, if you see a place that sells Lake Trout Sandwiches, it's not really lake trout? It's Atlantic whiting or something, but it's a Baltimore thing to call it lake trout. They just fry it up in cornmeal and slap it on some white bread with hot sauce and wrap it in foil. ITS AWESOME. So if I ever make a Baltimore album quilt, it's not gonna have birdies and hearts on it. It'll be all John Waters and Lake Trout and Omar Little. I love me some Charm City. 6 half-yard cuts.

Lake Trout Half Yard Bundle: $20.00 + $9.00 shipping


Chintz But Not Chintzy Bundle

Are these chintz? How do you identify chintz anyway? Is it like obscenity— the Supreme Court knows it when it sees it? Do you think we could get Scalia to make a ruling on whether this is chintz? What would a constitutional originalist's opinion on a bunch of Marcus Brothers and Moda Fabrics be? I guess as long as the corporations get lots of tax breaks, he'd be cool with it. 5 half-yard cuts.

Chintz But Not Chintzy Half-Yard Bundle: $14.00 + $9.00 shipping

I Don't Even Know; It's Just Pretty Bundle

This is another one of those bundles that is really, really lovely, but I'll just never use them. Those two grey-ish blue ones in the top left and middle. LOVE THEM. In theory. But they're all sweet and pretty and I am hardly sweet and pretty. But you are. No, you are! I'm not just saying that. I would kill to have your hair. You should have these. They go with your hair.

 7 half-yard cuts from Sweet Romance by Blackbird Designs for Moda.

It's Just Pretty Half Yard Bundle: $24 + $9.00 shipping


Authentic by Moda Half-Yard Bundle

I made a Kindle cover out of these. After that, what else could possibly be as satisfying? Except Joe Manganiello. You know why I'm all hung up on him? That damn Magic Mike movie and the new season of True Blood. And SOMEBODY stole my copy of Entertainment Weekly with the Magic Mike cover and so how am I supposed to get anything done until I know where it is?

Anyway. Authentic. I'm still keeping some for me, but I want you to have some. 6 half-yard cuts.

Authentic by Sweetwater for Moda Bundle: $25.00 + 9.00 shipping


This Is How Much I Love You Bundle

Because I love you so much, and because I need money, I am cutting into my beloved Jane Sassaman stash. See that one on the bottom in the middle? That's Teasels and Lace from Prairie Gothic. Do you know how much I love that fabric? This much:

And this much:

That's hanging in my sewing room. I have, like, 6 yards of it at least. And if I find more, I'll buy it. But I'll let you have a half-yard of it, because, as I said, I love you.

6 half-yard cuts of Prairie Gothic with one Sunshine and Shadow (Purse, couch, and Ikea frame not included).

This Is How Much I Love You Bundle: $18.00 + $9.00 shipping


Priceless Treasure Bundle

Yeah, that's right. Fantastic Felines by Laurel Burch. Do you know how much this goes for on eBay? A LOT. And do you know how much of it I have? A LOT. But I only cut into what I have multiple yards of. And I'm only selling one half-yard bundle.  Because I'm going to hoard the rest like a crazy cat lady, even though I don't actually like cats very much. I'm more of a dog person. But you know who does like cats? My mother-in-law. Someday, the MIL will have a cat quilt. A very valuable cat quilt. And I bet I'll still be able to sell the scraps for twenty bucks an inch. 6 half-yards. (And, yes, that's a lot of money for 6 half yards. It's rare. I've seen it on eBay for $10 and more for a fat quarter. I'll also throw in a copy of Generation Q Magazine and a picture of Joe Manganiello that I printed off the internet! Never say that I don't take care of my people.) Plus, I'll give you this:

Priceless Treasure Bundle: $40.00 + 9.00 shipping


Thursday, June 14, 2012

Delaying sale


We need to have a little chat, y'all.

I am one of those stupid, sick individuals who wants to make everybody happy. Even when it's impossible. Even when I don't actually know the people in question. I seriously considered just selling these things on eBay because I've done it before and I know how it works, but I wanted you all to have the chance to see them and get them first.

I'm really pleased that everything so far has sold, but apparently many other people are not.

First, those of you who get the email subscription service: I do not send those out myself. That is a Feedburner service, and when you sign up for it over there in the sidebar, you get an email every time I put up a new post. HOWEVER, Feedburner does not see fit to send those emails at the exact same time that I make the post. I have tried tweaking the time, but there is always a significant delay, and I am afraid there seems to be nothing I can do. But you can! You can actually visit the website through your browser (here's the address: I have been trying to post the sales at noon, EST every day. I usually announce it on Facebook, but I will just declare here and now that noon is the time to look. 

Second, everybody else: I'm sorry that the time doesn't work for you or you can't use the internet at work or you live an a tree and eat beetles and can't read. I would fix all of those things if I could. But the best I can do is post when it works for me and try to let you know ahead of time.

And confidential to the person who was so freaked out that I am selling my entire stash: oh, honey. This is but a fraction. A tiny, tiny fraction. Remember when I got all that fabric from my mom? This barely scratches that surface. I am keeping a TON of her stuff, plus I still have plenty of my own. I have more fabric than any reasonable person could possibly use. And I will still hoard most of it like an insane bread wrapper collector. 

So, I'm going to delay this a couple days, just to give myself a breather and give everyone a chance to read this. The half-yards will go up at noon EST on Saturday, June 16. I'm including the pics so you can see what's coming. I cannot promise them to you ahead of time, so please don't ask. 

And I'll tell you what I tell my kids: I still love you, even when you drive me crazy.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Fabric sale, Part 3

And now these are all gone! Boy, you  people love cheap fabric, don't you? Half-yard bundles tomorrow!

Reminders: I will ship internationally, but I will invoice you for the remainder of the shipping charge. I will hold off on shipping if you let me know you want to wait until you've seen more stuff. We are almost through the fat quarter bundles and will do half yard bundles soon. If shipping ends up being cheaper that I have charged, I will refund you the difference.

Black and White and Red All Over Bundle

I have a massive collection of black and white fat quarters, many of which I got from my mom's old stash back in December. I still don't know what I plan to do with them. I just know that I love them and I would shove my own grandma out of the way to get more just like them. But these don't quite fit with the others, even though these are WAY COOL. And the red gives it some extra zing. Buy them, and I will use the money to actually buy more black and white FQs instead of being mean to granny. Two sets of 8 fat quarters each, sold separately.

Red And Black and White Bundle: $10.00 + $5.35 shipping.


Campfire Bundle

When I first started quilting,  I couldn't cut my own fabric to save my own life, so I bought lots and lots of pre-cut squares and strips on eBay. There was one particular seller who always had great deals and cool fabrics, so I bought a lot, but her fabrics always smelled like they had been salvaged from a burning building. Finally, I took a look at one of her listings and waaaaay down at the bottom in very fine print, it said:

we do use and enjoy our wood burning fireplace in the winter

Apparently, she used it to store her fabric. But that is NOT the case with these fine FQs. These have all been pre-washed, so they are a little fuzzy on the edges AND - bonus! - they all smell like a spring linen rain shower. Or something. Okay, they smell like All-tempa-cheer. Do they even still call it that? Or make that?

15 fat quarters with several duplicates (you can tell which ones if you look close at the photo), in colors from brown to orange to yellowy-tan. Or mustard yellow? Dijon?

Campfire Bundle: $15.00 + $9.00 shipping


Understated Elegance Bundle

I bought these in Nashville—Franklin, actually, but I call everything around Nashville "Nashville"—when I went to see my brother a couple years ago. I have no idea why I bought them. They are basically black with tan print. Lovely. Really, I quite like these. I'll just never ever use them except to run my hands over them, lovingly, on occasion and I can do that with all my Kaffe Fasset and Jane Sassaman, so maybe you should have them. 4 fat quarters.

Understated Elegance bundle: $6.00 + $5.35 shipping


The Murky Depths Bundle

These are deep, dark greens. Mysterious greens. The green of a deep and glassy Scottish loch, perhaps. The green of an ancient reptile lurking in a misty jungle. The green of a jealous man's twisted soul. Whatever. They're pretty and you should buy them and make a tea cozy out of them. (And seriously, they are darker than the picture shows.)

10 fat quarters with three duplicates.

Murky Depths Bundle: $10.00 + $5.35 shipping


Super Fun Kiddie Bundle

I am NOT making any more baby quilts. No one seems to like them very much, or at least not as much as I think they ought to considering the amount of effort I put into it, so I'm just going to go over into this corner and sulk while I plan all my GROWN-UP quilts for ADULTS (namely, me) who appreciate all my hard work. (Unlesss, of course, you really want me to make one, and then okay. I will. For you. But just you.)

8 fat quarters

Super Fun Kiddie Bundle: $8.00 + $5.35 shipping


Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Fabric sale, part 2

Everything has been sold today. Stop back at noon tomorrow and see if I've managed to put more up!

Okay, shipping is going to work differently, since I was too lazy to actually weigh things before and it turns out that fabric is REALLY heavy and I somehow thought I could shove a lot into packaging much smaller than was truly practical. So now each has a different shipping price based on weight  and most things will be sent Parcel Post, though some will get Priority if it fits in one of the small boxes or envelopes.  Remember, if you want to wait and see what else there is coming before I ship it, just say so in the message to seller when you check out.

Non-partisan Bundles

I really have no opinion about these bundles. Some fabrics, sure, I'm all, like, "Hey these fabrics SUCK" or "You know, I think I want to have sex with these fabrics, they are so lovely." But these, somehow, I cannot seem to form a strong opinion about. If they were fighting in a cage match, or, say, running against each other for some sort of political office, I doubt I could choose. I would pretty much just stay out of it and hoard my gold.

There are four bundles, two of the tan neutrals in the top picture with 10 fat quarters in each and two silvery grey neutrals with 5 FQs in each.

Tan Neutral FQ bundle: $10 + $5.35 shipping

Grey Neutral FQ bundle: $5.00 + $5.35 shipping


Riley Blake Bundle

21 fat quarters from the Felicity collection by Emily Taylor for Riley Blake. You can see the fabrics in a quilt here and in other places here. Yeah, this is not funny at all, is it? Right now my foot feels like one of those Bugs Bunny cartoons where he blows into his glove and has a big, bulbous hand. And right across my toes, there is this massive purple bruise—which just appeared out of nowhere today—and that's not even where it got hurt. Hey, at least I refrained from telling you about my husband's bathroom.

Riley Blake Bundle: $25.00 + $9.00 shipping.


Glittering Golden Bundle

When I was a kid, anytime I had a new box of crayons I would remove the gold and silver ones and keep them under my pillow because I believed they were precious and would, therefore, give me good dreams. These 14 fat quarters are all golden and shiny and glittery and so just imagine the kind of dreams you'd have with these under your pillow. Or, no - you could make pillowcases out of them and lay your sweet little head directly on all that golden goodness. I bet you'd dream about sweaty, head-banging sex with Joe Manganiello EVERY NIGHT. Instead of every other night, like you do now.

These are mostly Hoffman fabrics, some from the Kashmir line, and others from a couple Christmasy collections. 14 FQs in all. Did I say that already?

Glittering Golden Bundle: $15 + $5.70 shipping.

Monday, June 11, 2012

Fabric Sale, Part One

Everything has been sold out today! Thanks so much, and I'll have more tomorrow.

IMPORTANT NOTE: I will ship internationally, but the cost per envelope is $12.95. I cannot figure out how to include this as an option in one button, so I will have to invoice you for the balance ($7.30) after you make your transaction. Remember to let me know if you want me to hold up on shipping anything until you have seen what else there is. If you buy more than one item, I'll refund any overages in shipping costs and stuff as much into the lowest cost packaging possible. (Also, my Paypal business name is Sundara Silver, from an on\ld jewelry business I used to have.)

This is all an experiment for me, so I may be refining this as I go. Please be patient with me and I'll do my best to do right by you.

Moda Aster Manor FQ Bundle

This is a bundle of 20 fat quarters from Moda's Aster Manor Collection. I love these fabrics but they are clearly much too refined for the likes of me. It's like feeding a gourmet dinner to the hogs: it might be good for them and they might like it, but it pisses off the other farm animals. I have no idea where I was originally going with that metaphor.

This bundle originally had forty-some FQs in it, but I cut some up to make a table runner. There might be 14 or so big pieces left and I'll throw those in too, though I may not fold each and every one of them carefully. Or maybe I will. WHO KNOWS?

Aster Manor FQ Bundle: $20 + $5.65 shipping


I Cannot Tell You The Name of This Bundle

This is a collection of six fat quarters from the {REDACTED} line by {DESIGNER WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED}. Please note that it may be illegal for me to sell these or even show you a picture of them, and I may be contacted by a bunch of large, muscly "lawyers" any minute now and forced to sell myself on the streets in order to pay the settlement for my "copyright violation." So snap these up now while I still have all my limbs!

Copyright Violation Bundle: $9.00 + $5.65 shipping


Odds and Ends Bundle

This was my attempt to come up with a sort of rainbow-y FQ bundle, with marginal success. There are a few pieces from the old Baby Geniuses line, a couple that seem nice but I have no idea what they are, and some from Joann's which, depending on who you ask, are either perfectly fine or will disintegrate if you think too hard next to them. Whatever - they're cheap! 17 fat quarters in all.

Odds and Ends Bundle: $10.00 + $5.65 shipping

Blue and Yellow Bundles

Yes, that's the best name I could come up with. I've got a house full of kids, one of whom is breathing down my neck because she wants to watch Beakman's World (she's a five year old, princess obsessed, science nut) on Netflix on this computer, AND I sprained my ankle Friday morning so my foot is all swollen and achy. Aren't you happy to know all that? Perhaps tomorrow we'll discuss my husband's inability to clean his bathroom, just to give you the full Dougherty household scoop.

There are 8 fat quarters in each bundle and I'm selling them separately. You can buy both, but you don't HAVE to, is what I mean. Stupid foot. Anyway, most of the fabric appears to be from a couple different Marcus Brothers lines, plus maybe one or two others. Definitely QSQ (that's Quilt Shop Quality). The price tag says $18, so they are a few years old.

Blue and Yellow Bundles: $9.00 ea + $5.65 shipping

That's it for today. My foot is turning purple and I need to elevate it, but if it doesn't turn gangrenous I'll have more tomorrow.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

The Super Colossal Blow Out Everything Must Go Fabric Sale

Every once in a while, I become fairly consumed by the fact that I have too much stuff. I don't like having all this stuff, though you could say I was raised that way. My mom and dad really like to have lots and lots of things, and while many of the things that fill their home are lovely, they are still, ultimately, a burden. Once upon a time, I never went to the library but purchased all my books, and kept every single one of them, as though some crappy paperback I could barely remember reading would someday be vital to my existence. ("My god, he's bleeding to death! What will we do?" "Don't worry—this ancient copy of  The Ruins by Scott Smith is the perfect weight to put pressure on the wound and staunch the bleeding!") I had six huge Ikea bookshelves stuffed to their limits with books before I finally decided to only keep the really important ones and donate the rest to the local library.

As for the rest of my home, there's too much of everything else there too. I have always wanted to live a more spare existence, having only the things I need and use regularly, and not hauling around from house to house a ton of things that I never actually use but can't bring myself to get rid of. I'm not ready to have my own show on A&E just yet, thank you.

Naturally, as a quilter, I have too much fabric. I won't say no to any that falls in my lap and I purchase too much of it without any clear idea of what I plan to do with it. And recently, I was looking through all my UFOs and have resolved not to start any new projects until I complete these. It's sounds goofy, but I would like to be a more mindful and less wasteful quilter.

And I'm broke. But, whatever.

I have gone through all my stash and removed the things that I feel I will probably never use and have put them into several bundles. I have fat quarter bundles, half-yard bundles, and yard bundles. I could sell these on eBay, but I'd rather try and sell them here first. Starting Monday, I will put several items up for sale here each weekday on the blog. There will be a Paypal button for each item that, hopefully, will gray out or something once the item is sold. I am going to add a standard mailing charge of $5.65 to each item, HOWEVER, if you think you may be purchasing more than one item, let me know in the notes to seller when you check out. I will group your items into one shipment and refund you any overage. The prices will all be below normal retail for quilt fabric, but how much below will vary according to what I think the fabric is worth and my fickle, fickle whims. All sales are final, and what doesn't sell here will be later sold on eBay.

I will do my best to describe each item as accurately as possible, if my smart mouth doesn't get in the way. I can't totally guarantee that the descriptions won't be just copied and pasted out of an ancient Sears catalog or a mail flyer from Jiffy Lube.

If I have forgotten any important details or you have any questions, just ask in the comments and I'll respond there.

See you Monday!

And, P.S. : Men. Quilts. Burritos. Find the Instamatic and put Chipotle on speed dial, people!

Friday, June 1, 2012

The 2013 Quilter's Shirtless Man and Spicy Burrito Calendar

Ladies and gentlemen, it's time.

Time to turn to the man in your life, or to yourself if you are a bachelor, and offer whatever financial, culinary, or sexual favors you must to get that man to pose on/in/near a quilt, shirtless, while holding a burrito.

For anybody new to this blog, this is what the calendar is about:

It started out, as nearly everything in my life does, as a joke. On my professional web site,, I said on my bio page that I had been lucky enough to combine two of my great loves—quilting and writing—into one career, but that someday I wanted to gather all of my passions into one publication: Quilter's Shirtless Man and Spicy Burrito Monthly. Being the thrifty humorist that I am, I recycled the joke on the blog, made a pinboard on Pinterest devoted to the concept, and soon readers began suggesting that if I didn't mind potbellies and fur, they'd take a photo of their own personal man-companions bare-chested, be-quilted, and, well, holding a burrito. And I counter-offered: if I get 12 such photos, I'll make us a calendar. I got 14. I made us a calendar. I decided that I wanted to make this calendar a fund-raiser for my brother's family. My big brother is fighting brain cancer and has been since January of 2010. I hope that I can give him and his family both a little extra money, to help ease some of the burdens this illness has brought them, but also maybe a laugh as well.

I was able to raise $1000 last year, and this year I hope to double it. We're starting a few months early, so with luck that will allow for more sales before everybody stops buying calendars after December 31.

Here is everything you need to know about submitting your beastie-boy to the 2013 QSMASBC:

• This is a calendar that celebrates ALL our guys, not just the ones that are cut and ripped. If your man-companion is hesitant because he thinks his Buddha-belly isn't welcome, just show him the pictures from last year's edition (see below).

• Nudity is not required, but shirtlessness is. HOWEVER - I am more than happy to consider any and all submissions that have naked booty. I will consider them very, very closely, spending long hours determining their artistic value. If you decide to go for full frontal, I'm afraid I'd have to put a modesty quilt patch over his personal burrito, but I think that would be awesome, too, so go for it if you want.

• There must be a quilt in the photo. The gentleman can be lying on it, wrapped in it, contemplating it as it hangs on the wall before him, or even making it himself.

• The gentleman must be holding a burrito. But please ask him not to begin eating the burrito during your photo shoot. We want to see his lovely face in all it's glory, not with his maw wide open, stuffing in a steak-n-chorizo special.

• I would love to promise that your photo will be in this year's calendar, but I just can't do that. Lots of people who didn't do last year have expressed interest, and I want everybody to have a chance to participate if they want. Last year, I got exactly 14 entries and I made them all fit. If I manage to get significantly more than that this year, I will have to pick the ones I consider to be the best. So, if you were in last year, and want to be in again, just make sure your photo is so epically awesome there's no way I can't not choose it.

• If you can take your photo outdoors, please do. Natural light will produce the best photos.

• Be sure to take your photo in a horizontal, not vertical, orientation.

• Use the highest quality setting on your camera and send in the full-size file. Photo files that have been reduced in size by programs such as Picasa for ease in emailing cannot be used. The file you attach should probably be at least a couple megabytes if not more.

• Email your photos to me at dontdrinkandquilt (at) gmail (dot) com.

• If your photo is chosen, I will ask you to sign an agreement that basically says I can use your picture in the calendar and for whatever promotional needs I have and you can't sue me for a million dollars. Or even a buck fitty.

• The deadline for entries is July 15, 2012.

And please, please, please, if you can - tell everyone you know about this post and about the project and encourage them to post about it as well. You can even use this handy button and link it back to this post so that everyone will know you are a supporter of half-naked men holding Mexican food near a patchwork blanket.

Below you will see all the photos from the 2012 edition, so you can assure your man that he does not have to be all muscle-bound to be perfect for the QSMASBC.