Yesterday at Chez Bitchy was spent carving pumpkins and acquiring a very important white Power Ranger costume for a certain 5-year-old. I had hoped that by teaching myself to sew and immersing myself in the world of crafty blogs, I would finally be in touch with the part of the brain that can create cool Halloween costumes. The last time I had a great idea for a costume, I had neither enough time nor willing participants to execute it. It was to be me and three other girls, festooned with crowns and dresses constructed from feminine hygiene products. We would be Queen Tampax and her lovely daughters Stayfree, Carefree, and Maxine. Trust me, the idea is way funnier when you're 20 years old and stoned (NOT that I would know). But other than that the Halloween fairies have never graced me with another original thought, or even with the gumption to copy something else. I think the last time I dressed up was in eighth grade, and I was still using the black cape and grey wig from my role as the hag the wicked queen turns into from my 3rd grade school production of Snow White. Even now, with the plethora of costumes available for purchase online, the "plus-size" selection is limited to "sexy" pirates and vampires. I'm about as sexy as a mailbox, and just as shapely.
I'm so glad my tutorial has been received so well! I have to admit I've become kind of a whore for blog traffic and I've been obsessively looking at my Feedjit stats over to the right. Feedjit gives you a real-time list of who is on your site, listed by geographic location and how they got there. (Don't worry - it doesn't tell me anything private.) For instance, I can see if someone found me through a link on another site (and thank you everyone who has linked back here after receiving your awards!) or if they got here through a Google search. A couple weeks ago, someone actually searched for "quit job fuck all y'all" on google and this post came up second! See - profanity can be useful - don't let your mama tell you otherwise.
Honestly though, I love seeing your comments and seeing so many new visitors come through here. Every time I see that someone from Norway or Finland or Japan has been here, I imagine them shaking their head and muttering "Americans..." as they quickly click on to something more relevant. But if I can make one Scandinavian, one Pacific Islander laugh at a stupid pot joke - well, then not knowing how to sew worth a damn won't seem quite as pathetic.
