Monday, October 20, 2008

Stop me if you've heard this one

Since simple handbags are fun and relatively easy for me to make, I've decided to try a few as Christmas gifts this year. My husband asked me to make one for his mom, and I finally found just the right combination of fabrics for her. I was going to use the same pattern as from the first bags I made, but then I found a pattern in issue of Quilts & Gifts to Give that I picked up on one of my JoAnn runs. Here is the result:

From The Bitchy Stitcher

From The Bitchy Stitcher

Now I realize I may have exhausted this topic before, but it is a freakin' miracle I managed to put that thing together SINCE THE INSTRUCTIONS ARE WRITTEN BY HALF-WITS ON CRACK. They even promise that their team of cracked-out morons has "reviewed the materials lists, how-to directions and illustrations to make sure the information we provide is clear, concise, and complete." And by clear, concise, and complete they mean obtuse, absurd, and seriously fucked up.

They even include a handy pattern to cut out, except they printed it all mashed up to save space. When you are cutting the outside, the pattern is in two pieces because you have two fabrics, see, but for the inside, the lining, you would need to take those two pieces and tape them back together. However, they neglected to mention that part. So, if you follow the directions for cutting the fabrics, you end up with NO LINING. And the pattern for the flap is printed INSIDE one of the other pattern pieces. Sheesh. I hate patterns anyway - I always end up with wonky pieces of fabric with edges that look like they've been gnawed on by gophers or something.

So, I'm thinkin' that this bag could be seriously improved upon by some - oh, I don't know - directions not written by lunatics and could actually be made without a paper pattern. And, if that is the case, and if I were to actually accomplish such a thing, then perhaps I could post my own (real) tutorial. Perhaps. If, you know, anyone would be interested in such a thing.


Vicki W said...

You can bitch about that all you want because it drives me insane to buy a pattern thatcan't actually be made per the directions. One was so bad once that I actaully re-wrote the whole thing and sent it back to the designer. She was not appreciative of my efforts!

MYRA said...

Great looking bag Megan! Nice choice of fabrics!!! 8-)
I am thinking that your paper pattern may be one that is to be traced on other papers to be used.. That way you don't destroy the original...
Instructions though, that is a whole other story, and you are right about that!
Happy stitchings!

Cathy said...

It also drives me crazy. I have been sewing for a long time so I try to just look at the pictures and then try to figure out what they are wanting me to do. If I read the instructions I get all screwed up. Got to love those crack heads.

Anonymous said...

i always thought i was a fuckwit* because i couldnt follow patterns. but it was them not me. HA! I am giggling over Vickis rewrite - wish I thought of that.

* i am planning to swear with reckless abandon in my comments here unless you tell me otherwise.

BTW spent a bit of time reading some of your older posts. you are very funny and honest and i suspect we have a lot in common not least a sense of humour other people dont always understand. oh...and being fat and thinking we should be doing something about it

Megan said...

Paula, please feel free to curse as much as you damn well please in these comments - and if you have any good Aussie ones that we might not know about here in the states, lay 'em on us (I went to your blog :) )

Linda said...

You might have some success with Lazy Girl purse patterns-no paper patterns, and some even have online tv tutorials! (patterns) (video links)

Happy Stitching and Bitching


ps enjoying your blog way too

Megan said...

Hi, Linda! My next project just happens to be the Gracie bag from Lazy Girl! I had been eyeing the bag for a while, then I saw the video tutorial and I had to get it!