Monday, May 10, 2010

People who have given me a plane ticket are NOT ALLOWED PAST THE CUTE KID

Today I finally made some progress on the next non-humorous article I have been assigned to write for Quilter's Home. My kids getting sick put everything off and I wasn't really able to get started until last week, and then I hit a very annoying wall. It turns out that when you are trying to write about quilters who don't use cell phones, or email, or - apparently - answering machines, YOU CAN'T GET IN TOUCH WITH THEM. Of course, it doesn't help that I am a procrasti-dialer. I overthink every phone call I ever make, and always fear that I'm calling at a really bad time. In fact every conversation I have ever had with someone I didn't already know well has begun with "I'msosorryifthisisabadtimeIcancallyoubackatamorereasonabletimeofyourchoosing."

I talk fast AND have ridiculous neuroses.

So I sit to make a call and go, "Well, gee, it's only 10 a.m., and some people like to sleep in. I better call at 11." And then at 11, I think, "Well, gee, it's so close to lunch. A lot of people eat early. I better wait til 1." And so on. I'm not sure what I think is going to happen. One time I met a friend's girlfriend, and I really, really liked her and wanted to befriend her (which I never EVER do) and one day I came up with an excuse to call her. Her boyfriend answered, and I told him I wanted to talk to her, and I heard her say as she came towards the phone, "Megan? Why is she calling me?" I guess I think THAT is going to happen, plus maybe a pop quiz or something.

But I finally reached someone, and we had a lovely chat. I forget sometimes how much normal people like to talk about themselves. I'd be hard pressed to come up with much to say if someone wanted to interview me. "So, what's it like being the world's greatest - and possibly only - quilting humorist?" "Um. Good? I guess?...Can I go now?"

But what was even better about today (oh, besides the fact that I also started my next humor column and - not to toot my own horn or anything, but let's just say I smell Pulitzer!) was that I made two blocks of my plane ticket benefactor's quilt and HOLY CRAP are they awesome. Now I know she reads this pretty regularly, so before I show you the blocks - which I have to do - I will show you a picture of my children. You know, as a buffer.

Cute, huh? Want 'em?

Okay, now here are the blocks I made today:

HOW COOL ARE THEY? I am just so pleased with how they turned out, even though they are made with Hoffman Bali Pops, which, for the record, suck. Apparently they are cut in Indonesia where the fabrics are manufactured, and Hoffman figures, Eh - what're gonna do, they're Indonesian, which is another way of saying Too Cheap To Give A Shit. And while the fabrics themselves are lovely, they are clearly cut by people who aren't paying attention and don't care, and, really, who can blame them? My own personal rotary cut strips are way more consistent than these things, which I guess means I'm a better rotary cutter than some under paid, Third World sweatshop laborer. Um. Yay me?

I still have to figure out what to use for sashing, but I think this is going to be a really nice quilt. I'm actually looking forward to giving it away.

I can't believe I actually said that. I better go find something I hate about it so I can sleep tonight.


Gene Black said...

Gee.. I wish I had known that about the Bali Pops before I spent $$ on them...sigh! Live and learn. I usually buy pre-cuts so that they ARE cut better (more accurately) than I would cut them.

Lisa Marie said...

Just another reason I'm anti-pre-cut! But those blocks are pretty kickass,regardless.
Are the kidlets all better now??

Wendy_MT said...

Your blocks rock! Look forward to reading your articles either humorous or not. Keep up the awesome work!!

jrebekah said...

Those blocks are gorgeous...and you rock!

Kathy said...

Your blocks are BEAUTIFUL! Great job. I look forward to all of your articles. You are a hoot!

sfaber9999 said...

First, I soooooo know what you mean about phone calls, I hate doing that also.
Second, I Looooove your squares, they are gorgeous!!
Third, once the quilt is finished and delivered, you HAVE to tell us where we can find the pattern.
Fourth, Thanks for being there so we can all laugh with you!

Sew Here We Are said...

The blocks are totaly bitching...oh hell I'm showing my age there...Oh! Who wouldn't love them? Love you..Love your writing. Keep it up.

Peggi said...

The blocks look GREAT! Can't wait to see the rest of the quilt!

Carolyn aka Silkquilter said...

I concur with Sew Here We Are. Those blocks ARE totally bitchin'. I do love to read your sarcastic humor. So, in the same vein..... Are you sure that you made them, or did you have a visit from the Quilting Fairy? :)

Peace and Keep your rotary cutter sharp.

BTW: I sure can sympathize about making phone calls.

Littlebook said...

Love how the quilt is coming together! Just beautiful. I can't wait to see more. Also, because of you, I'm getting a subscription to Quilter's Home. Tell your bosses there that you need a big raise.

kmerry said...

I completely understand about the phone phobia! I do the same thing! At home I don't even answer the phone if I can get away with it. At work... big sigh... I must answer... I'm the receptionist!
Love your blog!

Anne said...

Love. Those. Blocks!

Where'd you get the pattern? Never mind, I'll just figure it out from the picture.

Anonymous said...

Deborah says:

The blocks are fabulous!

The children are adorable!

And....thank you for your honest comments about the Bali-Pops! I can't stand it when a publication or blog absolutely raves about EVERY SINGLE PRODUCT that crosses the editor's desk. (Not that I would really buy Bali-Pops anyway because I'm not much of a batik fan, but it's nice to know I can trust your expertise for future reference.)


kanishk said...

Are the kidlets all better now??
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