Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Lordy, lordy

I am fat.

I have grey hair that won't take dye.

My skin is all blotchy and sun-damaged.

Sometimes I am a great mother. Sometimes I fall far short.

I like to write things that make people laugh. Apparently, I manage to achieve this on occasion.

I hate broccoli.

I like to quilt.

And I am a BIG, FAT, GREY, BLOTCHY, CHILD-REARIN', HUMOR-WRITIN', BROCCOLI-HATIN', QUILTIN' FORTY-YEAR-OLD TODAY!

To make this day even more special, I will be interviewing a local plastic surgeon as a last-minute assignment for the magazine. Because nothing says "Happy Birthday, you old bag" quite like listening to a woman who is Botoxed to the point of Cadaver on the Joan Rivers scale of facial immobility talk for 2 hours about how she always knew she was meant to be "a healer."

14 comments:

Linda said...

Hippity, hoppity, happity birthday! Forty is really not bad--I'm hitting the big 60 next March! Now that is scary--cause in my head I'm still around 20!!! (Just with more experience) Hope your day goes really, really well.
Lurking Linda

LizA. said...

I'd give ANYTHING to have 40 back. Just you wait, before you know it, you will be bitchin' about 50. So, just enjoy what you have now coz it only gets worse!! Happy Birthday! -- been there, done that!

larry7pokey said...

Happy Birthday to a girl who's sarcasm makes us laugh. Hey, smile about 40, smile wrinkles are better than those scowl ones, or the furrowed brow ones..., : } pokey

Mimi said...

LOL!!!

ROTFLMAO!!!

Oh, gawd, you are too funny!!

First of all, HAPPY 40TH BIRTHDAY tomorrow. I'm going to be 60 at the end of this year, so 40 sounds like quite the "wet behind the ears" age!

I'm fat, nearly 60, LOVE broccoli and anything else I can wrap my lips around. WAIT...THAT DIDN'T SOUND RIGHT!!!

Enjoy your birthday, try to make the botoxed healer to crack a smile or the face, whichever comes first.

Hugs

Carol R. said...

Happy Birthday, Megan. Enjoy your assignment, and thank your lucky stars that you aren't the one being interviewed. Can you imagine all that plastic having a melt down? Bet she can't go out and enjoy the sunshine after the interview like you can!

40's not a bad age, still young enough to do some of the things us 60's can't anymore, and old enough to know better than to do some of the things the 20's do. Enjoy your Birthday!
((((HUGS))))

Love 2 Quilt said...

Happy Birthday!!!! I hit 55 and am thinking OMG my life is more than half over.........unless I can live to be 111!! Enjoy you day.

soggybottomflats said...

Hey Megan, happy birthday, now go eat some chocolate and dr.pepper..you better believe Ms.90210 probably can't have any! Have a good day, Elaine

Liz Schaffner said...

Happy 40th Birthday!!!
I hate to tell you ...it is all down hill from here !
I didn't believe it till it happened to me..first come the glasses, then the teeth needed crowns, the knees start to hurt and you have to pee more often...Welcome to the 40's!!
I sure hope 50's look better ??
Liz

Cyndi said...

Happy Birthday! I thought you were describing me for a minute, as I have all those things too! 40 wasn't so bad but 50 was a killer! Enjoy your day!

Ginny said...

Happy Birthday! Smother the skinny plastic Dr. with Chocolate Cake and come on over and have a big birthday drink with me! Of course you realize that your description of yourself matches me almost perfectly except the whole broccoli hatin thing!
Seriously hop a plane the booze is in the cooler!
Gin,
Oh and I am glad that Devon had a great first week at Daycare, I was happy to be there for ya.

Molly said...

You girl are just hitting your stride!!
Thanks for making me laugh with every blog post--you are a gem!

Happy 40th and many more--I'm looking at 50, and it looks great!

Molly

Sunna Reyr said...

Happy birthday Megan, I hit the pit hole when I turned 35, now almost 11 years later it's all been going up hill since then so I figure that around 55 I'll be on top of my world.

Cornbread and Beans Quilting said...

Happy B-Day Megan!!!

Bronte said...

Happy Belated Birthday! I can completely related to all your comments...especially the gray hair. One of my Chinese co-workers asked me today where I got the silver highlights....sigh.