Thursday, January 15, 2009

You know how I always joke about not being able to sew in a straight line?

I'm not joking:

While I've certainly improved in shorter seams, I still struggle when sewing the borders to my quilts (and the binding, too - but I've pretty much said all there is to say about that). I have a nice big table for supporting the quilt as I sew, but it doesn't seem to do any good. I still end up having to wrestle with it and the ensuing melee produces these meandering stitches. I keep expecting the damn thing to start bellowing like some kind of wounded beast as I try to force it into submission.

My rotary cutting skills have only slightly improved as well. I have better tools now, and I don't veer off to the right nearly as often as I used to. But this whole thing where you "square up" the fabric and then cut it into strips? And those strips will then supposedly come out straight? And then the Quilt Fairy comes and grants you three wishes and everybody enjoys some no-calorie cake?


Total. Fucking. Myth.

It has been scientifically proven by me in controlled experiments with sterile equipment and no alcohol whatsoever, that it is impossible for a normal human to fold a piece of fabric in such a way that when a rotary cutter is applied to it, a straight strip of fabric results. So, clearly, all of you who manage to do this on a daily basis are some kind of magical beings, or possibly aliens.

Too bad I'll have to destroy you.


Amy said...

haha I hear ya on sewing straight, and for folding fab and cutting,, eh it gets a little hairy on my end too... don't sweat it, take a shot of something strong,... and relax.

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Anonymous said...

Glad I'm not the only one! My issue is pressing!


Sarcastic Quilter said...

I hear you! I actually took to drawing lines in permanent ink ON my sewing machine AND foot to establish the quarter inch mark from the needle. This has greatly improved my lines HOWEVER, I was hoping a table so my feed through was flat to the needle rather than bubbling up over the machine bulk would kick the rest of my veering blips but your post has me suspecting otherwise! Try the lines, it might work, even when you have a drink or two or eight! :)

Lynn E said...

You have to watch out for the magical stitch witches. They have been known to put hexes on helpless sewing machines so that it buggars the tension and you end up with a snarly rats nest under your recently sewn seam. They have also been known to take a person who has perfect body care become a armpit hairy, furry legged sewing hag with blood shot eyes.

Jocey said...

I like how you tell it like it is! There is a free BOM from an Australian designer who is showing step by step quilting and sewing techniques that you may find quite helpful. If you go to her site you would have to scroll down to January 11, 2009, where she begins by showing you how to square up fabric. It is an awesome tutorial.
Give it a try!