Monday, March 29, 2010

Now with 80% less profanity!

I promised I would show you some of my recent fabric acquisitions, and since the quilt I am currently working on is making me want to throw myself in front of a bus, perhaps my time would be better spent looking at uncut yardage, unspoiled by my incompetent stitchery.

First, I got myself some yardage of the Authentic line from Moda.



Then I loaded up on some pre-cuts. Two packs of Oz charm squares, a layer cake and a jelly roll of Hunky Dory, and a Bali Pop in Kiwiberry.



We also checked out a shop in Franklin, south of Nashville, called The Quilt Squares (oooh, there's those colored words again!), where I picked up some yardage of Bloom and Grow:



I also got a stack of fat quarters in black and grey, but I can't show you those, because Blogger is being rude right now.

My last little treasure was a jelly roll of some Moda fabric that I have long coveted, and which my sister gave me from her own stash. It was this that I planned to use for the quilt that I will give to the wonderful person who gave me a plane ticket to go see my brother. I borrowed a pattern as well, a pattern that can be seen in one of her quilts from the previous post, and one which she said was quite easy despite how hard it looks. It involves triangles, but no Y-seams. I have spent the last two weeks painstakingly cutting all the pieces for this quilt and today I attempted to assemble them into rows.

After ripping them apart and sewing them back together 1200 times, I then scooped everything into a ball, stuffed it down the sink, and turned on the garbage disposal. Then I took what was left and stabbed it repeatedly with a large chef's knife, then drove it to the nearest overpass and threw the pieces onto unsuspecting cars.

So instead of an actual quilt, she'll be getting a work of performance art, entitled Easy, My Ass.

Hope she likes it!

21 comments:

Cherie said...

You have me laughing out loud!! Especially the part where you throw pieces on unsuspecting cars. Love it....performance art :)

Janet said...

Thanks for making me laugh out loud! I love the name of the quilt. LOL LOL LOL

Andrea R said...

The top pic of fabric - LOVE. IT.

Vicki W said...

ROFLOL! I love the idea of sacrificing a bad project to the garbage disposal. I wonder if it's save for septic systems?

Patty said...

LMAO... What did that poor unspecting garbage disposal ever do to you?? Good thing I work alone or people would wonder why I sit at my computer laughing out loud. Non quilters never understand us. Did you keep any of the remains? It can't really be all that bad could it? Can you glue it all to a board and call it an artistic wall hanging??

Wendy_MT said...

I absolutely love your description of how the "original" rotary cutter designer came up with the idea, by "taking all her fabric and ran over it several times with a mulching lawn mower." Oh, how I can relate at times!!!! Only one of your many examples of fine humor ... thanks!!

Chelley said...

Franklin is my home town. Love The Quilt Squares. Did you happen to venture into Stitcher's Garden?

Brenda said...

Ha ha ha! (Love that Oz line of fabric, I need to get some myself!)

Wilma NC said...

Love all the fabrics. You're funny.

Terry said...

Been there, done that (re stuffing it down the garbage disposal)! Just finished a quilt using a decorative stitch and would rather stick needles in my eyes than to that again!!!!

Dawn said...

I am a fairly new reader to your blog via Quilters Home. I totally relate to avoiding Y seams. The guild I joined two years ago has set in corners galore on the namebadge we are supposed to make. After sewing and ripping and sewing and ripping little 1 inch pieces I finally scanned the damn pattern into my computer, printed it on fabric and used fabric markers to color it. I get some funny looks at meetings, but screw it: it's done.

Ann said...

If it is true that laughter makes you live longer, we should all be thanking you well into our 80's.

Kat said...

Thanks for that, I literally ended up in tears I was laughing so hard. I'm sure your benefactor will absolutely love it, even if it's just pieces glued to a piece of plywood. ;-D

P. said...

Oh my God, you are so funny! Easy My Ass. I love it!

Jake Finch said...

Don't cut the profanity! It makes you sound restrained and as journos we're supposed to be accurate. :-) Next time take a pic of the project's demise. We'll print it for the world to see. Hugs to you, my friend, Jake

Jim C said...

Totally cool blog! It looks like this is one to add to my daily reading list.

DAMN!!! Not only do I have more fabric than I'll use in my lifetime but now I follow more blogs than I can read in a day! But... this one moves to the top 5! No...maybe the top 3!

I love the Judy Neimeyer quilt you have in one of last week's blogs. Tumbleweeds - it's a beautiful pattern. Last week I hit the tumbleweed from hell while driving. It stayed with me on the front of my car for at least 5 miles down I-25!

Pattie Crum said...

Hey I think I made that same quilt only I put some cow juice on it and fed it to my neighbors dog. Good eating. I miss the profanity, damn it. Keep up the good work.

Shady said...

LOLOLOLOL - Oh my gosh!!! I thought I was the only one who had days like that!!! Thank You for this Post - I seriously needed a good laugh!!!

Sew Here We Are said...

Your my new Hero! Too damn funny!

Anonymous said...

Brilliant! I've been looking at the Hunky Dory for a while and really wanting to buy some. Is it as wonderful as it looks? Did you see the border print? How wide is it?

Picked up your blog info from Quilter's Home. The contributors blurb (from the 2 most recent issues) were funny enough to make me actually, buy a computer!

Megan said...

Oh, god. I hope the next post doesn't make you regret that purchase!