It is done.
Miraculously, every seam of every block came together nicely, so I didn't end up with some sort of wonky, ease-stitched monstrosity, as I had assumed I would. If I were to present this at, say, a quilt guild meeting, there would probably be mass fainting and my membership would be revoked, and I would henceforth be known as The Quilter Who Must Not Be Named — but to the untrained eye, it probably looks pretty fucking brilliant. Hell, I'm impressed, and I know how poorly it was actually put together.
My wonderful readers had lots of great advice for why everything was turning out so funky in my piecing. Unfortunately, I was already doing many of the things they suggested I try (except the freezer paper thing - which I'm going to try on another project). I think that the black fabric I used was pretty crappy and seemed to distort just by breathing on it. Yeah, that's it. It was the fabric. And the humidity. And aliens.
And as for yesterday's announcement, I decided to ping the managing editor over at Quilter's Home yesterday to say, "What's up? Are you printing the stuff I sent you?" And she wrote back to say that she was no longer working at the magazine but that she knew one piece had been accepted and slated for the October issue. Now I've emailed Mark and another editor to say, "What's up? Let's do some business." And of course, I've had no response. Sigh.
Now I need to get back to work on this quilt. I don't know why I abandoned it, and now it seems like a lot more fun than what I've been doing the last few weeks. Let's just hope the humidity lets up. And the aliens.