I'm not joking:
While I've certainly improved in shorter seams, I still struggle when sewing the borders to my quilts (and the binding, too - but I've pretty much said all there is to say about that). I have a nice big table for supporting the quilt as I sew, but it doesn't seem to do any good. I still end up having to wrestle with it and the ensuing melee produces these meandering stitches. I keep expecting the damn thing to start bellowing like some kind of wounded beast as I try to force it into submission.
My rotary cutting skills have only slightly improved as well. I have better tools now, and I don't veer off to the right nearly as often as I used to. But this whole thing where you "square up" the fabric and then cut it into strips? And those strips will then supposedly come out straight? And then the Quilt Fairy comes and grants you three wishes and everybody enjoys some no-calorie cake?
Total. Fucking. Myth.
It has been scientifically proven by me in controlled experiments with sterile equipment and no alcohol whatsoever, that it is impossible for a normal human to fold a piece of fabric in such a way that when a rotary cutter is applied to it, a straight strip of fabric results. So, clearly, all of you who manage to do this on a daily basis are some kind of magical beings, or possibly aliens.
Too bad I'll have to destroy you.