Sunday, December 7, 2008

Apologies

So sorry for the spotty posting lately. I was recently contacted by an old friend - by her husband actually. She and I were once the closest of friends, like sisters, but things deteriorated after my first child was born. It's a long story,one I'm sorely tempted to recount here, but I won't bore you. Suffice to say it ends with me actually performing her wedding ceremony, only to be completely ignored by her at the reception, and later, as we were planning a baby shower for a friend, her statement that she was having a lot of trouble mustering up more enthusiasm for other people's babies (my second child was only a few months old at that point). Add to that a lot of insane drama that I put up with because I loved her, but which, ultimately, was too much to deal with. And, oh Lord, there's so much more than even that. 10 years worth. I had to break away, for my own sanity.

And now she and her husband have just purchased their first home and they want me to come to a housewarming party. A party that will be full of the crazy, drug-taking, alcoholics whose company she ultimately decided she preferred to mine. And he tells me that "it would mean so much to us both" if I came.

I do miss her. I miss her sense of humor and her intelligence, and how we understood each other so well in so many ways. I don't miss the irrationality, the constant hypocrisy, the incessant drinking. I know that I am truly happier without her - and yet I ache to have a friend like that again.

Anyway, this has all been clouding my mind lately, pushing aside the thoughts I should be using on quilts and handbags and other happy projects. Fortunately, there is a Harry Potter marathon on TV today, and I can occasionally lose myself in the story. The friendships those stories portray - those are magical creatures. I wish such things were possible in real life.

6 comments:

MYRA said...

Not that you asked for any opinions, but perhaps just a one on one (or two and two) coffee outing would be better after all this time... Just my thoughts...

Cathy said...

sometimes it is better to remember the good memories than to allow her to create more bad memories for you. I have had the same thing happen and it has been 11 years since I saw her last and it is ok. Also how rude of her husband to come and ask this of you. Let her other friends throw the party for her.

gquilts said...

megan - never apologize for not blogging, blogging is for YOU not US .. if anyone wants to know what's going on, they can email you.

as for your friend - she could be taking the first step towards changing (or not) might i suggest you go 'late-ish', and have another obligation that you need to attend (whether true or not) is it honest, no, but if you aren't having a good time, then it allows you to bow out gracefully without hurting her feelings or creating more antagonism between you .. will she 'know' prolly, but as long as no one actually says anything, then it's just a thought in their minds .. if you do go, please go with an open mind and try not to borrow trouble and go in with any pre-conceived notions on how she is going to be and the time you are going to have - not sure if that makes sense, but I do know what I'm trying to say .. just go in with an open mind and no thoughts of "oh God, this is going to suck b/c ... " Think I am going to have a great time :D

hugs
grace

gquilts said...

megan - never apologize for not blogging, blogging is for YOU not US .. if anyone wants to know what's going on, they can email you.

as for your friend - she could be taking the first step towards changing (or not) might i suggest you go 'late-ish', and have another obligation that you need to attend (whether true or not) is it honest, no, but if you aren't having a good time, then it allows you to bow out gracefully without hurting her feelings or creating more antagonism between you .. will she 'know' prolly, but as long as no one actually says anything, then it's just a thought in their minds .. if you do go, please go with an open mind and try not to borrow trouble and go in with any pre-conceived notions on how she is going to be and the time you are going to have - not sure if that makes sense, but I do know what I'm trying to say .. just go in with an open mind and no thoughts of "oh God, this is going to suck b/c ... " Think I am going to have a great time :D

hugs
grace

Alycia said...

Thats a hard situation. Keep us posted on what you decided to do. Good luck in the bonus round interview!!!

KateKwiltz said...

I'm with Cathy: once bitten, twice shy. Sometimes we move on for very good reasons -- go with your gut.
I may be too much of a cynic, but that party has "can of worms" written all over it!