Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Been there, quilted that

Because we are all so, so jaded, I have a new t-shirt/mug/tote bag design up in my Cafe Press shop (thanks to the reader who suggested it):

 This should make my husband happy, as he is forever telling me I should design more shirts, as though marginally amusing quilt-related t-shirts are the key to our financial success. That, or he just thinks it's cool. I imagine it would be nice to be the mogul of the first marginally amusing quilt-related t-shirt empire. The Martha of marginally amusing quilt-related t-shirts. Or maybe more like the Donald because I have similarly insane hair and have the same basic body shape. You know, I could tolerate being this fat if I at least had a waistline, but I never did have one even when I was skinny, so it's not going to happen without major surgery. I once interviewed a local plastic surgeon for an article and she was so nuts, I just fell in love with her. She kept going on about how she knew when she had a brief job training as a dental assistant that she had "healing hands" and this all worked it's way down in some mystical journey to nose jobs and tummy tucks, and I was all, "If I ever need to have the fat sucked off my gut, I totally want you to do it." I mean, have you ever noticed that general surgeons are all, like, incapable of relating to other human beings and if you try to crack a joke or, I don't know, express your mortal terror, they just either look at you all blank like, "I do not understand your ways, human," or they say something really condescending to let you know that they are going to gut you like a fish so you best remember who here has the medical degree and who is just a freelance writer with a marginally amusing quilt-related t-shirt business on the side? Aaaand we're on-topic again! Sort of.

Anyhoodle, the new shop section is here: http://www.cafepress.com/bitchystitcher/10041844. Tell your friends. Tell your general surgeon. Ask him if he has "healing hands." But wait until after he's done gutting you like a fish.

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