Monday, July 27, 2009

Do you dare?

So, I found myself with nothing to sew all of a sudden. Well, okay, that's not exactly true. I have something to work on, and by "work on" I mean "disassemble with the seam ripper." That Birthday Presents quilt I was so full of myself over? Hideous. It started off great, and every block came together nicely, but the colors in some instances are just so garish. The book, Take Two and Add a Few, says that one way to make a multi-color quilt work is to use every color from the color wheel except one. So, I chose to use blue, purple, green, yellow, and orange, but not red, which was exactly what they had done with the sample quilt in the book. But where they had lovely batiks, I had these marbles and, well, the yellow and orange were too bright and there are some blocks that look like some sort of warning flags, like something you'd use to wave at airplanes to keep them from landing in radioactive toxic waste. So, I tried to assemble the quilt anyway, thinking perhaps it would look better all together, but it didn't. I only pieced the rows, so now I'm going to take those apart, donate the ugly blocks to the local chapter of Blind Pilots of America, and just make a wall hanging or a doll quilt or something with the rest.

So I could have done that, but ripping seams makes my eyes burn. I bought a pattern online for a little top that I wanted to make for my friend's baby girl, but I soon realized that the author of the pattern is some kind of religious nut, and apparently intends for users to pray to God for the knowledge required to put the fool thing together. Had to chuck that one, of course - God tends to smite people when they use the word "cocksucker" in their prayers.

Therefore, I had no choice but to make the skirt. Not wanting to use any of my good fabric, in case it turned out badly, I hit Jo Ann again and got a polka dot print that I thought might look cute with orange shoes, in case it turned out well.

So, I took my measurements and decided to go with a size 18. This is because, despite my girth, things like this always end up too big, so I went one size down from what I thought I should do. And, I figured, the elastic waist would be forgiving as well. See, my belly is really big, like 6 months pregnant big, disproportionate to the rest of me, so when I get things that fit my pot, the rest is baggy. Anyway, the upshot is a 20 might have been better. As it is, it is not really the elastic that is holding it up, but how snug the yoke is around my baby-stretched fat. Even so, it's quite comfortable, though it does emphasize my lack o' abs.

It was also not too hard to make. Granted, the pieces kinda came out looking like I hacked them out with a butter knife and my teeth, but I managed to make it work. It's not like you have to tilt your head to make it look even.

So, please understand that by viewing the following photograph you are agreeing to incur any damage to eyesight or mental health that may result and that you waive all right to call a lawyer and try to sue me or otherwise flame me because I TOLD YOU SO:


Anonymous said...

I LOVE reading your blog. The use of your "descriptive words" cracks me up! You talk like I do, only better!

Lisa said...

LOL! You are so funny!

I have that kind of belly, too. I can remember when my son was about 4 months old and a casual acquaintance asked me, "What?! You didn't have that kid yet?"

She about wanted to crawl under her chair when I pointed him out in his stroller. Luckily I have a sense of humor about these things.

Vicki W said...

Oh stop! it turned out great!

Helen said...

LOL...sputter, belly laugh!!!

Ohgawd, you make me laugh like a hyena!!

I think you might be right about God's smite!!

Have a great day...HUGS!

soggybottomflats said...

I was thinking (by the way, the skirt is way cute, turned out very chic), you should sew that top together and either pay someone to quilt it or tie it, and in the spirit of the quilters oh-let-me-make-you-the-perfect-Christmas-gift, give it to THAT sister in law you treasure!

Anonymous said...

I think it looks really nice!!!

Joy said...

Oh Megan, I realise that in future I should take certain precautions when reading your blog. I almost spat my morning coffee all over my keyboard and screen ... LOLOL .... you just crack me up :o)!!!!!
Oh, and by the way .... the skirt looks fabulous :o)!!!
Joy :o)

Linda said...

Your skirt looks fab! I too made a skirt this weekend. I would post a picture for you to admire my handiwork, but the skirt is 1) still in an unfinished state and I swear mocking me, and 2) resides somewhere around my ankles when I put it on. And really, I do not need all of cyberspace to know that the last time I bought underwear was several pounds and several years ago.

Ugh. And I used beautiful fabric too, because, hey! I'm worth it. I'm considering converting into a roomy pup tent with the addition of a few poles.


Linda said...

You're so funny! The skirt looks terrific! Send me the quilt to disassemble--I'm kinda fast (all that practice you know!) I'll blend it with some of my stuff and send it back and see if you like it better! Lurking Linda

HRH Gigi said...

The skirt is fabulous! And great legs by the way. Skirts are the way to go for you.