I have tried several times over the last month to write something, but the words just aren't coming. I was deeply enmeshed in getting the Winter 2012 issue of GenQ done in time, and at the end of the process I got sick and it took a while to recover. I've been plagued with headaches for the last couple of weeks. And most of the time, I just feel sad.
There have been bright spots. I discovered embroidery during the layout process of this issue, because we needed some for illustrations and, like with the pincushions from the last issue, I figured my best bet was to do it myself. So, my very first embroidery project was the word "Embroidery":
But then I thought that was too plain, so I did it again, with some embellishment:
I didn't end up using either of these, but by the time I had mastered four different stitches, I was hooked. So I decided I needed some underwater invertebrates on a pillowcase:
And then I made this for Devon (who is enamored of the idea of going to Paris someday) and she elected to have it framed and put on the wall over her bed:
Plus, I have three other projects in the works that I can't show you because they are seeeeecret! I have always wanted to have a secret project that I can't show you!
So, there's that. Plus, my dear friend Amy delivered her sweet new baby boy yesterday and there is nothing, nothing so wonderful as a new baby to snuggle. I know Amy was hoping that I could take care of him when she goes back to work like I did for her first child, but with GenQ, I know that I can't and it breaks my heart. I got to see him for a few minutes last night, and I'll be taking the girls to meet him this afternoon (they are as excited as I am).
And...Market. I leave for Market day after tomorrow and my suitcase is staring at me, empty, because I just can't seem to get motivated to go pack it. I hate trying to figure out what to wear to these things. I look like a sack of potatoes no matter what I wear, so it really shouldn't be such a struggle. But I decided that this time I wasn't going to look like a goddamn silverback gorilla. I am supposed to be the Creative Director of this thing, and looking like a middle-aged, suburban mom who has "let herself go" is just not going to cut it. I can't seem to change the sack of potatoes quality, but I can at least change the hair. I went for my usual cut, but got double process color. I wanted the lighter parts to be a LOT lighter, but this still works.
So now every once in a while I catch my husband looking at my hair with a little smile on his face, so I guess he likes it. Probably reminds him of the girl he married. Even Devon keeps saying I look like I did "in the olden days."
And still, I am in a funk. I keep thinking that I am going to just write out everything that happened on my trip to Tennessee, but I just can't. Not because it was so awful, but because I still feel so raw. I have cried for Jon many, many times before, but seeing him this time, seeing the changes in him and knowing what's to come just ripped me to shreds. And, see? Now I am in tears just writing about not wanting to write about it. I cried while making the girls' breakfast this morning. It's just there all the time. And I can't write about it (much) and there seems to be little I want to say about anything else, and so - no post for over a month.
If any of you are going to Market, we are in Booth 960, so please stop by. We've got a fun project in the works in our booth and everybody can participate. I'll also be attending the Modern Meet Up and Fabric 2.0 and probably the Robert Kaufman cocktail thing, so just look for the potato sack with the fabulous haircut—that'll be me.