Things

Things That Made Me Happy This Morning

1. Hearing "Walking On Broken Glass" while I was at the grocery store. I swear, this comes on the Muzak system every single time I am at the grocery store, and I am certain it's code for "broken pickle jars in aisle 6."

2. Noticing that the loaf of Italian bread I bought is made by a company called "Schmidt." Also, it reminded me of when I first started, um, associating with my husband and the first time we needed a condom, he whipped out a pack of Schmid brand rubbers, and I was all "Schmid? Seriously? Where on earth did you get those?" and he wasn't sure, and I was all "What do you mean, you're not sure? How can you not know where you got a bunch of rubbers no one has ever heard of?" and he was guessing maybe the Peace Corps, and I kicked his ass out of bed and made him drive to the 7-Eleven and get some goddamned Trojans. Well, really. Schmid?*

3. Seeing how happy Harper was to be spending the day with her little sister at daycare. She begged to be able to go, and Devon's daycare provider, Miss Aleace, said it was okay, though she is really only set up for toddlers. I thought it was just her usual I-want-to-do-whatever-Devon-is-doing-or-play-with-whatever-Devon-has-syndrome, but then she confessed that she just wanted to play with Aleace's dog, Cookie. For 6 hours. I might have questioned this, but it meant that I could drive home while blasting the White Stripes, and then spend my morning watching Drag Me to Hell on DVD while sewing my half-square triangles, so I shut the hell up and told her to have a great day.

Things That Pissed Me Off This Morning

A woman hit the back of my car as I was stopped at a red light, and when I looked in my rear view mirror at her, she was making the "what the fuck is wrong with you" look back at me. Like I made her forget how to brake. I suppose I should learn how to control that particular superpower, but I just haven't gotten around to it yet.  I am not one of those people who feels compelled to stop traffic so I can deal with a little dent, so I motioned to her that I was going to pull over at the next street, and when I did, she just drove away. Which was probably smart, since my car was undamaged, BUT SHE SCRAPED UP MY DON'T DRINK AND QUILT BUMPER STICKER.  So if you see a woman with ratty hair driving a puke-colored Chevy Nova, with bits of my bumper sticker clinging to her front license plate, feel free to key her car or slash her tires. Tell her you're a representative of the new group I'm forming: QUAID. Quilters Against Idiot Drivers.


*Update: turns out Julius Schmid (he dropped the "t" to appear less Jewish) was a rubber baron, of sorts. He started, according to Wikipedia, one of the longest lasting condom companies and supplied rubbers to the Allied troops in Europe during the first World War. He also made condoms that could be reused, which was  handy during the hard times of the depression, as well as thoroughly disgusting.