Do you dare?

So, I found myself with nothing to sew all of a sudden. Well, okay, that's not exactly true. I have something to work on, and by "work on" I mean "disassemble with the seam ripper." That Birthday Presents quilt I was so full of myself over? Hideous. It started off great, and every block came together nicely, but the colors in some instances are just so garish. The book, Take Two and Add a Few, says that one way to make a multi-color quilt work is to use every color from the color wheel except one. So, I chose to use blue, purple, green, yellow, and orange, but not red, which was exactly what they had done with the sample quilt in the book. But where they had lovely batiks, I had these marbles and, well, the yellow and orange were too bright and there are some blocks that look like some sort of warning flags, like something you'd use to wave at airplanes to keep them from landing in radioactive toxic waste. So, I tried to assemble the quilt anyway, thinking perhaps it would look better all together, but it didn't. I only pieced the rows, so now I'm going to take those apart, donate the ugly blocks to the local chapter of Blind Pilots of America, and just make a wall hanging or a doll quilt or something with the rest.

So I could have done that, but ripping seams makes my eyes burn. I bought a pattern online for a little top that I wanted to make for my friend's baby girl, but I soon realized that the author of the pattern is some kind of religious nut, and apparently intends for users to pray to God for the knowledge required to put the fool thing together. Had to chuck that one, of course - God tends to smite people when they use the word "cocksucker" in their prayers.

Therefore, I had no choice but to make the skirt. Not wanting to use any of my good fabric, in case it turned out badly, I hit Jo Ann again and got a polka dot print that I thought might look cute with orange shoes, in case it turned out well.

So, I took my measurements and decided to go with a size 18. This is because, despite my girth, things like this always end up too big, so I went one size down from what I thought I should do. And, I figured, the elastic waist would be forgiving as well. See, my belly is really big, like 6 months pregnant big, disproportionate to the rest of me, so when I get things that fit my pot, the rest is baggy. Anyway, the upshot is a 20 might have been better. As it is, it is not really the elastic that is holding it up, but how snug the yoke is around my baby-stretched fat. Even so, it's quite comfortable, though it does emphasize my lack o' abs.

It was also not too hard to make. Granted, the pieces kinda came out looking like I hacked them out with a butter knife and my teeth, but I managed to make it work. It's not like you have to tilt your head to make it look even.

So, please understand that by viewing the following photograph you are agreeing to incur any damage to eyesight or mental health that may result and that you waive all right to call a lawyer and try to sue me or otherwise flame me because I TOLD YOU SO: