Because I care. And I'm lazy.

****CONTEST IN NOW CLOSED TO FURTHER ENTRIES. CHECK BACK SUNDAY TO SEE WHO WON*****

I was scrolling through the Craftzine blog a week or two ago and came across a post that was advertising a giveaway of the new Martha Stewart Encyclopedia of Crafts, and since at that particular moment I did not have a small child asking me for the billionth time where her baby hippo was and pulling on my leg to force me to go look for it, I decided to throw my name in the hat - and I won! Well, me and several other people, but still!

I've started carrying around a Blackberry because I get so many emails for work and even if I can't do anything about them right away, it's still better to know that I'm going to have to rewrite an entire 2000-word article in one evening ahead of time. Anyway, since I am fat and cannot wear normal clothes, none of my elastic-waist pants have pockets, so I have to carry said Blackberry tucked into my bra. I have it set to vibrate whenever an email arrives, and this makes my pervert husband unbelievably happy, knowing that I have a random vibrator between my boobs. So when I got the email telling me I won the book, I got all excited and ran in to tell him and the kids. Still holding my Blackberry, I was all, "Guess what? Guess what? I just won a Martha Stewart book!" And there was nothing but crickets until pervert husband looked at the Blackberry still in my hand and suggested that perhaps I needed to put it back in its "happy place" in case I won something else.

So, put your Blackberries in your happy places, folks, 'cause I'm giving away a quilt!

Remember this thing?




It came back from being quilted a week or two ago, and I am still not that happy with it. My sister and I couldn't decide what thread color to use and we settled on a yellow/orange/pink that I thought might look neat contrasted against the deep blue sashing and borders.



It does - and it doesn't. In photographs and from far away, it looks nice, but up close it's just a testament to my lack of skill. Pervert husband's coffee quilt came in at the same time, and I am struggling to get that one bound, so I doubt that this one will ever be high on my list of priorities.

So, I'm gonna let you do it!

Yes, you can be the proud owner of an unfinished piece of crap made by the incompetent hands of the Bitchy Stitcher herself! When friends and family spy your prize, they'll want to know who managed to sew a quilt that looks like an insult, and then they'll back away slowly so as not to get any of it on them. Scare away neighborhood dogs, frighten small children on Halloween, or just wrap your self up in it while crying and drinking. But wait! You'll have to actually pick a binding and sew it on. Do you have what it takes? Will the acid that drips from the alien flesh it is so clearly made from burn through your fingers as you attempt to poke it with a needle? WHO CAN SAY?

But I am not going to make this easy. There are rules and a hurdle you must cross in order to win the coveted piece of crap:

1. First you must comment here at this post.

2. Then you must answer this question:

What is the grammatical error in this sentence: Having placed the poisonous quilt in a lead box, it was mailed to the winner after several years in quarantine.

3. Do not answer the question in the comments. Email me your answer at harperland at mac dot com. If you answer in the comments, I'll have to remove it and you'll be disqualified.

4. You do not have to answer correctly to win; you just have to give an answer. HOWEVER, correct answers will receive an extra entry. (Really. Any answer will do. "Frog semen." "Screw you." "What is 'A stupid thing to make people do do get an ugly quilt?'" I'll take anything.)

5. Only those who have both commented and emailed an answer will qualify.

6. Linking to this post is not required, BUT I will throw your name into the hat an extra time if you do link to it (you have to tell me, though).

7. Deadline for comments and answers is Friday, April 17 at midnight, EST.

8. A winner will be picked at random from qualified entries and announced on Sunday, April 19th.

Good luck! My bra will be anxiously awaiting your emails!

****CONTEST IN NOW CLOSED TO FURTHER ENTRIES. CHECK BACK SUNDAY TO SEE WHO WON*****